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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

is he lying???

435 replies

confusedmum74 · 09/02/2015 19:04

hi I've been a lurker on these boards for ages reading all the brilliant advice but never posted but here goes...
my boyf and I have been together about 2 yrs and although we don't live together we are now planning to move in together and hopefully have a family I was all up for this until fri night but now I'm confused....he went out with his friends fri night , called me before he left all love u etc etc and said he would keep in touch or let me know he got back ok....This didnt happen which I wasnt too bothered about but then we were meant to ve spending the day together sat ( as I had been really upset friday about something unrelated ) anyway I couldn't get hold of him at all sat sent msgs tried his phone LOTS which was off strangely as he's normally got it in his hand constantly...I was meant to be cooking dinner for us and it was all prepared...he finally rang at 8pm saying something along the lines of left his phone at a mates blah blah blah n then he would be over in a couple of hrs even tho id been waiting for him all day worried! He turned up at 10pm n refused to talk about it ie ive said I'm sorry can we forget about it now etc but its really bothered me.... Some things he said don't seem to make sense but he won't talk about it...either he's lying or just couldn't give a toss how I feel.....I know no one can say for definete he is/isnt lying just someone to talk to would be good as he won't discuss it and me over thinking it is poss making it worse....

OP posts:
loveyoutothemoon · 13/02/2015 23:24

Absolutely well said tokenginger!

Charley50 · 13/02/2015 23:27

Confused I was a single parent of a young DC like you are and my DP's behaviour was similar to yours. Saying he'd come over for the evening then turning up at 9-10 pm "I'm here now aren't i."
I was used to having a busy social life and living in shared houses with friends etc and it really hit me hard bring on my own with a baby every night. (I had kicked his dad out). Do when DP came along I put up with shit behaviour like that cuz I was so lonely and it was so nice to have his gentle (but crap) personality around. Anyway 8 years later (he moved in, he moved out, he moved in blah blah) he's as flakey as ever and I have finally told him to leave me the fuck alone as he is never gonna commit to me.
Sorry for rant am a bit tipsy point was single mud are quite vulnerable.

Charley50 · 13/02/2015 23:27

Single mums not mud! Grin

confusedmum74 · 13/02/2015 23:28

thank u ladies ... yeah maybe the punching above my weight thing was an ego boost too far!
btw I have just spent the money I had put aside for valentines ( prezzie, card, meal and drinks etc ) online on tickets for me and my daughter to go to the sealife centre on monday....made me feel a bit better for a second although I'm sure it won't last lol x

OP posts:
confusedmum74 · 13/02/2015 23:31

@charley...I have a BIG glass of wine on the go myself now so no worries lol...yeah I agree totally... its almost like he knows I'm so lonely that ill put up with his crap as a bit of company ( hes usually nice when he gets here ) is better than no company at all....I need to change that.....

OP posts:
Charley50 · 13/02/2015 23:38

Yep! And they don't have to take you out on dates very often cuz it's a hassle getting a baby sitter. Bitter moi?
It's about boundaries. I had another single mum friend and she put up with zero shit from men; one fuck up and they were out.. She wouldn't have entertained this turning up at bedtime shit for a minute; she has ended up with a lovely guy who is a true family man, not a weak individual who takes what he can get and doesn't know how to give.
Enjoy your wine and your trip to sea world. My advice is find a man who likes trips to Seaworld or don't bother. WineGrin

Duckdeamon · 14/02/2015 07:14

It sounds like you have been handling a really difficult situation with your mum OP. And setting new boundaries, and are up for doing this in your relationship too. If he has any decency he will treat you better, if not hope you will show him the door!

Yay to posters saying its crap to turn up after 9 for an "evening" together.

Please don't think any bf is better than you Sad

Monday will be very nice, good idea!

JenniferGovernment · 14/02/2015 08:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

confusedmum74 · 14/02/2015 08:41

hi no I havent done the freedom programme I have looked at it and think it would be useful although atm until I get my ipad fixed then I would have to do it on my phone which may be awkward.....I havent heard anything so far today hes prob hungover or sulking!

OP posts:
loveyoutothemoon · 14/02/2015 12:57

Leave him to it. Enjoy a weekend without him.

confusedmum74 · 14/02/2015 13:00

he just phoned and asked if he can come over later....ffs! theres so much I want to say I want to go mad at him n tell him how awful he makes me feel....I didnt answer I just said ive gotta go as my daughter was crying x

OP posts:
loveyoutothemoon · 14/02/2015 13:03

Tell him he can come over but you want to talk. If he's unwilling bin him off x

JeanSeberg · 14/02/2015 13:03

Text him if it's easier for you. 'sorry I had to dash off, can't do tonight. Enjoy your weekend.'

Ignore all further texts and calls.

JeanSeberg · 14/02/2015 13:05

No don't tell him to come over and talk. You know he'll just twist everything, upset you and make you feel shit.

Give yourself some time to enjoy your daughter and really think about things. No need to make a decision about the future today.

loveyoutothemoon · 14/02/2015 13:05

Actually yeah do what Jean says!! x

GinSoakedBitchyPony · 14/02/2015 13:10

OP didn't you say you told him last night that tonight you were going to stay in with DD and enjoy an early night? That's what you told him, so stick to it. Do what Jean says.

JenniferGovernment · 14/02/2015 13:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Christinayang1 · 14/02/2015 17:42

Remember the plan for this weekend was to give yourself some headspace and spend time with your dd

Stick with it, you are doing really well....don't let him come over, you take the power back. Put your dd to bed and pour a vino, turn the phone off and just leave it all for today

JenniferGovernment · 14/02/2015 18:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

stargirl04 · 15/02/2015 02:06

Hi OP,

I agree with Jean and JenniferGov. Don't let him come over.

feel like ive created a monster

unfortunately, I agree.

by showing him so much love caring too much and spoiling him all the time

Yes, he's become complacent. He thinks he can dish out any old crap and you will be there, waiting for him to grace you with his presence.

You sound lovely, but you are being exploited honey. I used to be just like you, until I learnt there was a better way. You can turn this around. I'll PM you tomorrow.

Stay strong. And when you feel yourself weakening, don't worry, because men always come back.

xxxxx

loveyoutothemoon · 15/02/2015 11:26

Confused, you've gone quiet! I'm hoping you're enjoying a peaceful weekend with no drama?! Have you been in touch with him? x

Duckdeamon · 15/02/2015 14:51

Wonder if he came over last night.

op, if that's the case and he seems better, do keep noticing this kind of stuff stuff and see how he reacts when you challenge further crap treatment.

confusedmum74 · 15/02/2015 15:16

hi ladies...I havent seen him no eveb tho I wanted to talk to him last night I do miss him stupid as that may seem and I dont want to totally end things I want things to change im just bit sure how to do it...x

OP posts:
TokenGinger · 15/02/2015 15:25

Have you heard from him at all?

It's natural to miss him. I hope you're ok xx

JeanSeberg · 15/02/2015 15:30

Good on you op for not seeing him. I hope you've enjoyed the time with your daughter. Keep strong and don't contact him, I'm sure he'll be in touch soon enough and you can decide what to do depending on how he acts then.

You've got a nice day out tomorrow to look forward to. Thanks