MoM, this sounds particularly horrible.
But you know what he's doing, and he is pretty good at it by now.
Why on earth should you get murdered in London - for starters? And what a horrible thing for him to say. he's being horrible in all the ways he does when he is at his maddest.
It isn't your fault, and take no notice, as far as possible.
Yes, writing down loads of things is a good idea, your solicitor will pick the bets.
And does h really have to 'agree' to unreasonable behaviour? that would be madness - how is anyone unreasonable ever going to be reasonable and admit it? I really think you should get your HV to write a letter verifying everything she knows and has heard and observed.
I think it is natural that there are times when you are more short with the boys - but dn't blame yourself for all of that. It is outrageous of h to accuse you of shouting at them, given his history! And don't you think that his current behaviour is unsettling them? An abominable to--do about DS2' shoes? The quicker you get this over and done with, and you and the boys to peace and quiet, the better,
RE him moving out - I think people said before that if he doesn't pay the mortgage the Building Society will simply claim the amount out of the equity of the house?
He's behaving like this because he knows he is fighting a losing battle, and he doesn't like it.
Keep going, you ARE winning, even if it doesn't feel like it right now.