Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Don't know how much longer I can carry on like this.

441 replies

messyoldmess · 20/10/2006 22:10

I made the tough decision to end my marriage around 5 months ago.
My H had temper & control issues & I tried everything I could to make things better, but nothing worked & I finally accepted that we needed to go our seperate ways.
H seemed to go along with it all at the time & told me he was moving in with a friend in a couple of weeks. It never happened, as H came up with lots of silly excuses as to why it was not sensible. He said he would not leave until our house sold.
We are now nearly 5 months down the line & I feel we are in limbo land. Nothing seems to have moved on & he is still getting to me.
Our house has not sold & I am starting to go out of my mind.
I have had a few people suggest I look into renting somewhere, but I don't know if that would affect my position re the house & divorce etc.
I can't carry on like this for much longer.

OP posts:
Caribbeanqueen · 30/10/2006 22:04

We know you don't blame h and you can moan all you like.

Take no notice of that one post.

Original poster
messyoldmess · 30/10/2006 22:57

I don't blame H, I know I probably drove him mad.
He does make me cross at times though & it helps to get it off my chest.

OP posts:
Blu · 30/10/2006 22:58

Oh Sweetheart, of all the people in the world with things to moan about, you are the least moany person I have ever come across/ You have tried, you have endured, you are a kind and generous and thoroughly reasonable person, and if anything you take more blame in yourself than you ever should.

Tribot- LOL at you and Planet Fuckwit!

MoM - if you get on and write the list of unreasonablenesses, then I suppose your solicitor can start the divorce proceedings with a letter to H - and then he will have to get a solicitor sharpish. Since he is so keen to get the house sold, i am surprised he has not seen a solicitor - maybe you should tell him that it will speed things up a lot re house sale if he gets a solicitor pronto?

Blu · 30/10/2006 22:59

and don't let some mad nasty troll with a one-and-only post upset you...

tribpot · 30/10/2006 23:00

Blu, I feel I have a book in me "Women are Sane, Men are from Planet Fuckwit" - yes?! (Obviously I think this is a gross generalisation, but I bet I could sell it).

Original poster
messyoldmess · 30/10/2006 23:17

I will sort that list, Blu. I have to admit that I am feeling a bit scared though.

OP posts:
Caribbeanqueen · 30/10/2006 23:32

tribpot - that's going to be a bestseller

messy - it is scary and it will continue to be scary for quite a while yet, but it has to be done. The sooner you can bring yourself to do that list and get the ball rolling, the shorter the scary period will be.

Original poster
messyoldmess · 31/10/2006 07:41

I can see that book becoming a best seller too, tribpot!!

I know, CQ, I will get the list sorted for him - it should be fairly easy to find 12 examples.
I am scared of this next step - really scared, but I know we need to crack on.

OP posts:
Original poster
messyoldmess · 01/11/2006 21:11

I've gone & spilt a little red wine again. H not happy.

OP posts:
tribpot · 01/11/2006 21:18

"Women are Normal, Men are Insane Control Freaks" (my follow-up bestseller).

I'm sure he's having a right old go but honestly, who cares? Let him rant. It's a bit of red wine for heaven's sake. If there's any way you can, IGNORE.

Original poster
messyoldmess · 01/11/2006 21:25

I have put carpet mousse on it & he is not convinced it will do any good & he wants proof that it will!
He says he can't wait to move out, so I said "Well what's stopping you??"
He said that I could move out, or I could pay all of the mortgage & then he would move out. I can't possibly afford the entire mortgage & he knows that.
Feeling

OP posts:
Original poster
messyoldmess · 01/11/2006 21:27

It's only a tiny bit & it's in the hall, not in the lounge.

OP posts:
Original poster
messyoldmess · 01/11/2006 22:18

He is such an arse at times.

OP posts:
fransmom · 01/11/2006 22:33

good grief imi who the hell are you? you aren't going throught the same situation are you? otherwise you wouldn't be so crassly insensitive and unfeeling.

fransmom · 01/11/2006 22:36

hi mom, sorry i haven't posted for soooo long! i'm glad you got on ok at the solicitors. can you keep a diary of what is said and how he is with your boys so that you can show the legal people? not sure if this has been moentioned already on this thread or not. hows you today hon? x

fransmom · 01/11/2006 22:36

if he's that bothered........
he can bloody well do it himself

Original poster
messyoldmess · 01/11/2006 22:52

Hi, FM.
I am not having a very good night at all. He is saying I have a problem because I come on here too much & how I am stubborn & don't admit to my problems etc.
He said he can't wait to get out & get away from me.
He has said other hurtful things too & I am feeling very upset.

OP posts:
Original poster
messyoldmess · 01/11/2006 22:53

Maybe he's right, but he is so hurtful in the way he says things.

OP posts:
Original poster
messyoldmess · 01/11/2006 22:57

I probably do come on here more than I should, but it calms me down.

OP posts:
Original poster
messyoldmess · 01/11/2006 23:06

He has been horrible a lot today. He threatened to throw away DS2's shoes (which I bought) if he found a trace of dirt on his car seat because I didn't stop him walking on the grass.
He has been getting at me all night & I am now in a bit of a state.

OP posts:
glittersparklerfairy · 01/11/2006 23:09

Hello messyold. I am thinking that he is porbably feeling comfortable again and wondering if he will ever have to change anything. How are the legal things proceeding?

Thinking of you and tyedye havent heard from her in a while.

Original poster
messyoldmess · 01/11/2006 23:15

Hi glitter.
The solicitor has asked me to provide him a list of 12 examples of unreasonable behaviour & he can then start divorce procedings.
I don't know what has got into H, but he has been really horrible tonight & said some really nasty things.
He has got me in quite a state, which I guess shouldn't still be happening.

OP posts:
glittersparklerfairy · 01/11/2006 23:15

Blimey just re read this and want to say you are not moaning! Do not blame yourself either this is not your fault. Hope you are ok staying sane in these situations is the hardest job in the world and any little criticism makes you think it is all you.

Original poster
messyoldmess · 01/11/2006 23:17

I am thinking that way tonight, GF

OP posts:
glittersparklerfairy · 01/11/2006 23:17

Only 12 will be hard! Am off to bed now but am thinking of you and honestly try not to let the b***d grind you down. He has a lot to be ashamed of himself.