Don't know how much longer I can carry on like this.

[messyoldmess]

I made the tough decision to end my marriage around 5 months ago.
My H had temper & control issues & I tried everything I could to make things better, but nothing worked & I finally accepted that we needed to go our seperate ways.
H seemed to go along with it all at the time & told me he was moving in with a friend in a couple of weeks. It never happened, as H came up with lots of silly excuses as to why it was not sensible. He said he would not leave until our house sold.
We are now nearly 5 months down the line & I feel we are in limbo land. Nothing seems to have moved on & he is still getting to me.
Our house has not sold & I am starting to go out of my mind.
I have had a few people suggest I look into renting somewhere, but I don't know if that would affect my position re the house & divorce etc.
I can't carry on like this for much longer.

maybe the emotional feelings are to do with opening up. it sometimes can be a release to be able to talk about recent issues with someone who you know won't let it go any further. when all this is done, you will be fine, i am sure of it. X

Thanks fransmom.
Sorry to hear you have had a rough time with PND. I had a touch of PND after DS2's birth & it was just hideous. I was on ADs for a short period of time following this, but didn't stay on them very long.
I have some Kalms that I bought from the health shop, but think my levels of stress are beyond being calmed by Kalms!
I will see how I go for now & if I feel I am really losing the plot with it all, I will consider giving these ADs a go.

MoM - I'm not surprised you felt so emotional at the Doctors - you had a safe space, for once, and it seems rare in your life that someone actually looks after YOU in a kindly way.

I am sure the counsellor will be very appreciative of the huge move you have made, and 100% understanding of the terrible pressure you are under...counsellors don't get fed up with people!!

I think I am going to need the support from counselling as all this progresses.
The longer this goes on, the more it is messing my head up. If he had gone back in June I might have moved on a little by now, but as it is I have been living in this odd environment where H is still here, but at the same time he is not here.
The boys have no idea what is going on, because I don't want to confuse them. I watch them all over H & have them constantly asking of his wherabouts if he so much as goes to the shop.
I worry about them SO much in all this.
I am plodding on & doing all the practical things, but to enable me to function every day without totally losing it, I have to kind of push it all away in my head - just like I did with all the intervention pressure I suddenly had thrown on me this time last year.
When I really focus on what's going on in my life, it hits me so hard.
I can see myself losing it big time in the coming months & feel I will need counselling to kind of pull me through it.

Sorry if that was a bit deep. I am sitting here having a bit of a deep moment

Sounds right messy. I wonder if the boys are picking up a little on things just because you mentioned that they are worried if H goes to the shops? It will be better all round when things are sorted out.

Take care and big hugs.

I don't know, GF. DS1 has asked why I never go round to the house of one of H's friends with them anymore.
They haven't said an awful lot more, but DS1 keeps saying how much he loves me & how he loves daddy the same. I know that's kind of normal, but little things like that are tugging on my heart strings atm.

Oh MOM- what a lot going on. Things here have been a bit messy too, hence my absence.

I'm glad you saw such a supportive caring doctor & have more counselling sorted out. Your solicitor sounds like he'll be great too. How's your list coming along?

Don't want to hijack your thread (again!) but I know how horrible it is to have to go through this when you still love your H. I posted my divorce petition this week so can fully sympathise. Sorry yours is being so unkind.

Keep us posted.

{Hugs}

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tyedye that's crafty but that you have to do such a thing, hope you having better day today. someitmes get similar accusations from dp, tho not intense ones, he sulks. hge did make me laugh tho - he had a stamping fit of a tantrum a few months ago and it still makes me laugh just thinking of it. he didn't find it funny at the time but boy did i ever!
he's 43!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

mamama hope your week gets better x

mom, (((((uhgs)))))

It's hard isn't it?
Sorry things haven't improved in your life, Tyedye.
Keep strong.x

I am still struggling a little.

Sorry - have had parents home from their holidays today & am feeling all yukky.

hi mom,i have just read this whole thread and just wanted to say i hope everything gets sorted for you soon.
i have been in 2 abusive relationships,and tbh emotional abuse does far more damage than violence,sadly its just harder to prove.but all that stuff about being 'mad' and 'a bad mother' are typical lines abusive men use(my ex-p used to say things like that to me every day).
i divorced my ex-h on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour.he had assaulted me once and been convicted of it,but there were also many other incidents.from start to finish the whole thing took 9 months,and that was with him ignoring the divorce petition and only signing when a court baliff went round with the papers.he was going to disput it but his solicitor told him he wouldnt get legal aid and wouldnt have a leg to stand on.

it took me 3 months to get him out after i'd decided the relationship was over,and that was hellish,so i cant imagine what you must be going through.

stay strong,you will get there.

Thanks, Divastrop. Sorry to hear you have been in abusive relationships in the past, hope you are in a happier situation now.
Emotional abuse is very hard to see & accept for yourself isn't it?
I still find it hard to accept any kind of abuse has happened to me, because there is nothing physical.
My H (as I'm sure lots do) turns from nasty to nice & reasonable in the flash of an eye, & it messes with your head BIG time!
Him being here for all these months is just making it harder & harder, although I still feel strongly that I am doing the right thing.

Message withdrawn

I haven't done yet, Tyedye, but I will.

Everything was getting to me a bit this w/e, but I feel a little better for being back at work today.

I work as a TA in the reception class of a primary school. It is exhausting, but keeps my mind busy!
There are only two people at work who are aware of what is going on in my life - one being the SENCO, who is my line manager & the other being a colleague who I see a lot of out of work.
They are both very supportive. I spoke to my line manager the day before my doctors appt & updated her.
The reason that I haven't yet told more people is because I can (to a point) kind of switch off at work, so don't want to talk about it too much. If I do talk about it, I am worried that I will get all upset at work.
I do have some good friends who check up on me & help where they can. One of my friends came with me to one of my solicitors appointments.
I try not to be too depressive around friends & often put on my ok front when out with them though.

i forgot to say that it was a good idea going to the doctor.i was seeing a cpn when i was with exh and he wrote to the solicitor when i was going throught the divorce saying that exh's behaviour was causing me emtional distress and i was suffering depression as a result etc etc.

i know you probably think you are going mad or making mountains out of molehills when ur h is being 'nice' but if you find yourself feeling like that remind yourself of the nasty bits.

btw re your parents-my mum used to think the sun shone out of xp's arse and once said to me(after we had split up)'its no wonder he used to hit you the way you go on'

it wasnt untill last year when she was forced to spend a substantial amount of time in his company when my dd was in hospital,that she realised he actually was a complete b**d who was scary and agressive and didnt need to be provoked.

good grief divastrop. she's your mother

mom, i can understand why you put on a brave face in front of your work colleagues but sometimes you need to open up to some of your frienda and it can be a relief, if i'm right in thinking that you don't wan tot bring them down then might it be that you're not letting them in so they don't remind you of things and that you're not letting them be real and true friends? i'm not being hard on you, just suggesting that sometimes you need fresh eyes on things so you can see them as they are. please feel free to tell me to b**r off if you think i'm talking complete twaddle x

It's horrible to hear things like that from your own parents isn't it?
My dad came round the day after our decision to separate, & told me that H deserved a medal for putting up with me & that he would have hit me if he were H, so I was to be grateful that H didn't!
He also told me that I would also lose my dad if I went through with leaving H.
I know he was probably trying to shock me into staying, but I have felt on edge around my dad ever since.

Fransmom - I do get what you're saying & I will tell more to my colleagues in time, but atm I need to kind of separate myself at work as much as I possibly can.

i do understand mom. going through rubbish with p/dp at mo and i don't want to tell them too much either. i don't know if where you work is similar environment but here you don't know if they'll be talking behind your back and stab you in back given half chance. not nice, i so hope yours isn't like that.

MOM, I'm sorry to put it this way, but your dad - is mad.

We've spoken about this recently and I feel incredibly sorry for you; at a time when your parents should be behind you 100% instead you are fighting them for every square inch of self-respect.

Fransmom - horrifying as it is, I think it is interesting that when you were in abusive realtionships, your Mum 'sided with' your violent ex, just like MoMs parents, particularly Dad, have done.

So sorry, MoM. Doubtless they returned full of the joys of a lovely holiday, while they hadn't even afforded you the brief respite of living in their home. I could turn religious in a moment if I thought I could make a saint of you - you do very well to keep hold of your generosity of spirit and your ability to believe well of people without becoming bitter and viscious. Really you do. You are accomplishing something huge by making the move you are making, and not allowing this stuff to seep into another generation.

As soon as you have a moment, remember to be proud of yourself.