Still finding it hard to move on......

[Hobbitwife001]

Hello everyone, this is a continuation of my previous thread, so a big welcome to everyone who participated on that one, and hello to anyone new who would like to join in this one.

A little recap of my story, my husband of 27 years left four months ago for another woman that I considered a friend. We live in a small village, and he has moved in with her and her son around the corner from the family home.

I have two sons at home with me, they are 23 and 19, the youngest has Asperger's syndrome and dyspraxia.

I am having counselling to help me get over the massive shock of his betrayal, for months I couldn't sleep or eat very much and started to suffer panic attacks and anxiety.

At the moment I am at the nisi stage of our divorce, I have petitioned for unreasonable behaviour. I am now trying to get the best settlement I can before I apply for the absolute. Needless to say, he is trying not to provide any provision for my youngest son, and has put forward a 50/50 proposal for division of the assets.

So, let's carry on ladies shall we?

I found listening to music quite hard to start with. If it was just me in the car I would have silence as every song would seem to have lyrics that would upset me. I listened to quite a bit of music, my choice though not the radio, when I was decorating and I am okay with it now.

But I was in the town a few weeks back and a song came on in a shop that I hadn't heard before and I got upset listening to it. I googled the lyrics when I got back and probably made it worse by listening to it a few times. It is called "You Ruin Me" by The Veronicas. It's sung with a lot of emotion too. Lyrics below

"You Ruin Me"

Job well done
Standing ovation
Yeah you got what you wanted
I guess you won
And I don't want to hear, they don't know you like I do
Even I could've told you
But now we're done

'Cause you play me like a symphony
Play me till your fingers bleed
I'm your greatest masterpiece
You ruin me
Later when the curtains drawn
And no one's there for you back home
Don't cry to me, you played me wrong
You ruin me

I know you thought
That I wouldn't notice
You were acting so strange
I'm not that dumb
And in the end I hope she was worth it
I don't care if you loved me, you make me numb

'Cause you play me like a symphony
Play me till your fingers bleed
I'm your greatest masterpiece
You ruin me
Later when the curtains drawn
And no one's there for you back home
Don't cry to me, you played me wrong
You ruin me

We're that song you wouldn't sing
Just a broken melody
You're killing me

You play me like a symphony
Play me till your fingers bleed
I'm your greatest masterpiece
You ruin me
Later when the curtains drawn
And no one's there for you back home
Don't cry to me you played me wrong
You ruin me

iwas - yep that song got me too - DH got me so wrong - i know he knew this but by then it was too late - keep playing it until it doesnt though iwas - i think thats what well has been saying about going to places that used to mean something - its what we hang onto in our heads - but we have the power to change any thought! it is just a hard skill to learn & put into daily practise - i understand the concept - just cant quite get there myself.. yet!

sometimes when i have been listening to lyrics i wonder how these songwriters can get them so spot on - and i have also found that songs that i have listened to for years i suddenly hear with fresh ears.

one that i hang onto justin timberlake - what goes around comes around

for several reasons - really wanted to see him live & DH knew this and normally we would have gone - but he made all sorts of excuses not to go & i just knew something wasnt right and because its not a new song but i heard it on the radio just when i needed to

MrSW got me so wrong as well. I'm supposed to be a 'waitress in a cocktail bar' these days, but I'm still hopelessly unemployed. Apparently the workplace is a bit 'ageist', Well, who knew?

Yes, divorce makes you feel really sensitive: songs you'd ordinarily like, you can't bear and artists that you can't stand, suddenly become grand works of philosophy.

By way of example, I give you Justin Timberlake too:

I don't know how to link, but I've always loved this song but not really listened to the lyrics until separation. It helped me in the very early days when I was shit scared about everything:

Stronger
By Sugababes

I'll make it through the rainy days
I'll be the one who stands here longer than the rest
When my landscape changes, rearranges
I'll be stronger than i've ever been
No more stillness, more sunlight,
Everything's gonna be alright

I know that there's gonna be a change
Better find your way out of your fear
If you wanna come with me
Then that's the way it's gotta be
I'm all alone and finally
I'm getting stronger
You'll come to see
Just what I can be
I'm getting stronger

Sometimes I feel so down and out
Like emotion that's been captured in a maze
I had my ups and downs
Trials and tribulations,
I overcome it day by day,
Feeling good and almost powerful
A new me, that's what i'm looking for

[Bridge]
[Chorus]

I didn't know what I had to do
I just knew I was alone
People around me
But they didn't care
So I searched into my soul
I'm not the type of girl that will let them see her cry
It's not my style
I get by
See i'm gonna do this for me

[Repeat chorus til fade]

come on izzie - we're supposed to be learning new computer skills here too :-)

i have not been doing internet stalkery whilst confined to sofa

lol i can do it too!

I did actually type out the instructions but then realised Izzie might not find it as amusing as I am...

Izzie: You know how you cut and paste those lyrics into the thread?

To do a link, you cut the link from the link box and paste it here in exactly the same way. MN magic does the rest...

See:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2294409-Still-finding-it-hard-to-move-on?msgid=52276318

I'm on an ipad! I don't understand! Boo hoo!

What fucking link box, what are u on about ?? I've been bloody trying

well - doesnt bode well for me then not worked for best part of 20 years - I wonder why - so funny how people change their minds dependant on their change in circumstances

Oh I'll have another go. Don't hold yer breath

www.youtube.com/watch?v=rHrf5d_EM9s

It's that simple? just as well

You too be told 'go get a job' Green?. I applied for hundreds over Christmas...

Getting thousands of reject letters (well I exaggerate a little) does wonders for the self-esteem in the New Year!

But it not half bulges the court files you have to drag back and forth.

I had a pissing job. He sacked me.

Well done Izzie you've just proved we're not old dogs...

Don't think much of the video that goes with the song. But, I love this one.

Dedicated to WWK

www.youtube.com/watch?v=uPudE8nDog0

Not so inspiring lyrics wise but very uplifting and probably a good idea to get out and about.

Downtown - Petula Clark

Hoping link works

It worked shocked thanks WWK. Maybe I could retrain as a computer wizard doubtful

well - i have a job when it comes to paying tax but its not a proper job if you get me - but have been asked have i considered getting a job - no because DH has always said didnt need to - my job was looking after kids and doing everything to do with house so that DH could build his empire - but I am now surplus to requirements!

I have been pondering whether it is possible to be a good father to your kids whilst treating the spouse with complete and utter contempt - and have to say this is a bit of a conflict - i want my kids to know that you do not treat people in the way I am currently being treated no matter what the reasons and if DH believes it is acceptable to show the kids that you can treat people like this then in my book that is not a good person never mind a good father - should he be behaving like this towards someone that is the most important person in the kids lives - what sort of example does it give them. He has always maintained that I am separate to the kids but i have worked out it is not me that is separate its him and the way he is behaving that gap is only going to get bigger by the day!

this is what im working towards

Did you see First Aid Kit (folksy duo of sisters from Holland?) on Graham Norton? They also appeared on The Andrew Marr Show last week. They sang a song, the chorus of which was "You just gotta keep on keeping on" and I thought of you lot.

Regards

LOL "althea" perhaps this should be our them tune

its called "my silver lining"

the chorus for us all to sing together
"Show me my silver lining, I try to keep on keeping on
Show me my silver lining, I try to keep on keeping on
Show me my silver lining, I try to keep on keeping on
Show me my silver lining, I try to keep on keeping on"

get me off this sofa

There's nothing like a bit of dancing to lift the spirits. This cracks me up every time.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=EQfidTOTsLo