Still finding it hard to move on......

[Hobbitwife001]

Hello everyone, this is a continuation of my previous thread, so a big welcome to everyone who participated on that one, and hello to anyone new who would like to join in this one.

A little recap of my story, my husband of 27 years left four months ago for another woman that I considered a friend. We live in a small village, and he has moved in with her and her son around the corner from the family home.

I have two sons at home with me, they are 23 and 19, the youngest has Asperger's syndrome and dyspraxia.

I am having counselling to help me get over the massive shock of his betrayal, for months I couldn't sleep or eat very much and started to suffer panic attacks and anxiety.

At the moment I am at the nisi stage of our divorce, I have petitioned for unreasonable behaviour. I am now trying to get the best settlement I can before I apply for the absolute. Needless to say, he is trying not to provide any provision for my youngest son, and has put forward a 50/50 proposal for division of the assets.

So, let's carry on ladies shall we?

Ooooh just back from friends. See theres plenty happening , is it because it is the weekend we miss our old lives and what the weekends meant to us?
I read earlier about V Day treats so I treated myself to a new outfit for my trip out Saturday . Expecting an early bucketload of cards on Saturday, which my dog will assist in tearing open , whilst he paddles in the bubbling tub .

Been a good day compared to others. Like the pancake day tossers ! They certainly are. Did anyone see Daily Mail about being dumped three times before finding happiness ? I am lucky that I will not be on my own V Day , I have a very busy day planned so I hope its not too bad, but every shop is full on tat for V Day which I never got involved in .

Hope you are all well & I am wishing you all a good day despite it being shoved in our faces all day that it is about couples ! Pah ! .

Right one more beer , some more of my delicious spag bol & sweet dreams of Postman Pat putting his back out in the morning.

Awwwww...... My sons made me a card saying the best mum ever for Valentine's Day, they are so lovely. :)

Think I'll take a leaf out of Izzies book and go and get some paint and redocorate my bedroom. Need to do something, still struggling at the moment:(

Why can't I get his betrayal out of my head? It never leaves me and I'm sick of it. This divorce malarkey just goes on and on, my head just can't take it.
Hope everyone is ok, and has as good a day as is possible under the circumstances.

While I'm out I will buy myself wine and chocolate and flowers and anything else that takes my fancy. :)

Aw that's lovely of your sons to do that.

Yes it definitely helps to have some sort of project. Chuck away all of that bedding, repaint and choose new stuff. I got rid of the bed within a few days of him leaving. And all the pillows and everything. The bedroom has been a store room since he's left, I'm sleeping in the spare one for now. So by the time I go back in, it will be painted, floor varnished dark, totally new.

The reason you are still struggling is because it's new still. You didn't have the big build up as some of us had. Me, for instance.

And yes, the best investment you can make is in yourself. Today is treat day. Anything you fancy, definitely NOT confined to wine, choc and flowers. Pah, that's so cheesy. No, something you've fancied for a while. I couldn't think of anything major, otherwise I would have done so

I'm struggling a bit today, if that helps. Not cos of V shit but because of other memories around this time of year. But hey oh may as well do something productive. Then when I feel better, all the other stuff will have been done

just a quick update all - haven't read posts - but outcome was best it could be! gonna be zapped in the microwave but no more surgery & can drive again - hooray - back to gallivanting!

keep your chipper up everyone - this positive outlook stuff works! I'm a bloody convert!

and this is for all you lovely people

will be back later

PSdrifting what time does party start?

Oh Green, sooooo pleased and relieved for you

Green great news, thinking of you , . The party might get out of hand so I shall postpone until we're into warmer weather.
Might need a bigger hot tub . There seems to be more people joining the ship. Might be easier if I just book the local swimming pool then we can all fit in .

I would like to send you all a virtual V Day card wishing you all a good day . I am off for treats of beer & Chinese.

I will not be buying chocolates or flowers . It is dog treats today for my loyal partner who loves me without question . He will get spoilt today because he deserves it unlike someone else we know.

For Colour who is our most recent passenger, I rarely offer any advice or coping strategy, I have been a very good diary keeper when on my own as it gets the thoughts out - my A4 pad is very full . But I can even look at it now two months later & feel I have made progress - I do believe the spring helps , being able to get out more. I don't know of your hobbies but I hope you will use this MN thread as a support because I am so glad I found it - just the other night some comments from WWK made me sob . But then made me feel better that someone else knows the pain & the feeling that we have all been deceived. That really helps me , I hope it helps you too.

Green that's wonderful news, so relieved for you.

Hobbit I know exactly how you feel, it just goes on and on and I just want it to go away. But indifference feels ages away.

Izzie sorry to hear you are struggling too. Thank you for your support and to WWK too.

Just catching up very briefly for now.

Wish I could have avoided the shop this morning, bloody roses and cards everywhere. Hope everyone has a reasonable day in the circumstances.

Green, that's amazing news, so happy for you, woo hoo!
Hope you're gonna celebrate with your dc's today.

Double date with our dogs, Drifting?
How can you resist that face? ( and that décolletage ! )

KOKO everyone, and

Got a lovely soft grey for my bedroom, think boutique hotel, not mental institution, although the latter would probably be more apt at the moment!

Got some nice sushi and wine for later on, one of my friends is coming round for a chinwag, not had a bad day tbh, a bit of a wobble this morning, but I managed to shake it off at the gym.

I just wish it would fuck off out of my head, and then I could start to recover and heal a bit more. Catch up later, xx

That's good news Green

Yes I hate this time of year too - from NY Eve up to Feb 12th as 3 close family members passed away during that time - plus the weather's always so miserable

DD1 is going out with her BF tonight and I'm joining them later for a drink or 2. Talk about living your life through your kids...Don't know what I'd do without them. I really need to get a life....

Drifting Thanks for the welcome. I already feel the amazing support from MN. I've watched your journey and have witnessed the progress you've made. It's so uplifting. I'm away this weekend visiting my son and yesterday, sitting in the sunshine on a terrace I felt pure joy and happiness for the first time in many months (the beer may have helped)

still not sussed the art of the underscore.

it wasn't thinking about him, but the betrayal, trying to come to terms with it

I've been a bit unsettled today but have got some decorating done and been to replenish paint supplies. I'm getting used to going to the shops by myself, something I didn't like doing. But I don't have a problem really about being a single lady. I take my cue from some of my divorced friends.

The depths of the betrayal and the actions of those two are really hitting home again. I'm not dwelling on it here but they both disgust me. In fact I really don't want to see him at all. I don't want him to collect my car with me now [I wanted him to drive it home through them traffic], and I think I may now ask my brother. I just need some paperwork signed! but I think I can get round this with the help of the salesman.

Meantime, on the basis that he seems to be doing as he wants with the money, I thought I would treat myself bigtime. Well, he does owe me a birthday present, and also he offered to get some of these in the summer, and I said no, I would use the ones he bought for himself. Not now though, because they have gone to reside at the downtown hovel. So, I have on order a lovely pair of Bose bluetooth headphones. And I will claim that as taking up his offer in the summer. Therefore I can still buy myself a birthday present haha

Hobbit have a good time tonight. And the thread is getting full.....

Hi everyone. green so pleased to hear your news, gallivanting sounds brill!

Have struggled today too. Not really because of v day but same as you Hobbit and Izzie, the actual betrayal. How could he lie to my face so many times when I was begging him to tell me if something was wrong? He looked me straight in the eye and swore of our children's lives he wasn't having an affair. Numerous times. Who does that?! I would have been upset yes but I would have been able to get help rather than cope with two young children on my own. How could he go and do what he did while he knew I was at home struggling barely sleeping etc. Ugh! Really hope this phase passes quickly, I hate feeling like this.

No plans tonight except bit of tv and early night. Hope you're all having good evenings considering.

Yes, Izzie and Family, that's the exact problem, understanding how they could do this? It's really fucks your head up, well it certainly has mine.
I can come to terms with everything but this, I realise and recognise that me and my boys will be happier, and are happier without him, but I just can't get over the pain of the betrayal.

He thinks that by carrying on paying the bills he is "paying" for what he has done, but no amount of money will make up for damaging my mental and emotional well being. I am broken at present, and am desperately trying to get back to an even keel.

That's why I'm reluctant to start another thread when this one gets full, it's not really helping me at the moment, I feel I need to step back. There is pressure to reply to everyone and I dont know if I'm up to it tbh. I feel so glad to have 'met' you all, you are a fantastic bunch of people, and so kind and considerate.

Is someone wants to put a new thread up, I will join in, I would hate to lose contact with you all, I just don't want to be the OP. Much love, :)

Hobbit I completely understand. I don't think there is any pressure for you to reply but I understand why you think that. I don't think I could make the commitment as not always on. Anyone else happy to volunteer to give lovely little Hobbit a break?

You have summed up my thoughts exactly. I know I'm better off. I know my children are better off. I wouldn't ever want him back. I wouldn't want to be him or her. I like my new life and can see lots of potential for the future. BUT I still can't get over what he did. How someone I thought I knew could do that. And the person he has become now. It all feels like such a waste. With the future unknown it's not surprising we all dwell on the past occasionally. Maybe it is something we will always carry with us. A scar but hopefully a scar that fades with time.

Paddling I have smashed a couple of his pint glasses in the garden before now. There was nowhere for the emotion to go except on the patio via a hefty throw! I think it's healthy to let it out. I joined the gym this week and I'm hoping to take it out on the treadmill (with loud Rocky style music in my ears).

Treated like a fool - yes. He must have found me so naive and gullible that he probably laughed all the way to her house each evening. He had me so manipulated and controlled I can't even believe that was me back then, there is no chance I would put up with anything like that now. Maybe that's another positive - we can all spot the red flags now.

Focusing on your own life is a good distraction. Problem is everything is up in the air with court / finance etc so I'm not sure how long it's all going to take before I am completely free of him, financially at least, so I can plan things for myself.

I want to be indifferent. I want to know for certain that everything's going to be ok for me and terrible for him. Bad I know but I do.

Have PMd you Hobbit

H left end of October. I first began posting as "myself" on the New Years Eve thread, then moved onto this thread soon after. This thread has been an absolute life saver. It has allowed me to vent, share and laugh about my situation. Being able to do this away from RL has allowed me to move on and start living a new life. I'm a long way from getting my life sorted, but I don't feel the need to talk about my stuff much in RL, and that had allowed me to feel more part of "normality". If it wasn't for you starting this thread and welcoming others, Hobbit, I really don't know where I would be now. I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

The thought of this thread not continuing worries me, I still need it. However, I know that someone will take it on and continue it. If not, I will do so myself. May I suggest a title: "Hobbit's Bar: Moving On From Unfaithful Spouses".. Or something similar?

That sounds brilliant Izzie:) I likes the sound of that, somewhere we can mosey on in and out of when we need good company, an Izzietini in each hand.

Exactly! Apart from its a virtual smoking bar so only one izzietini for some of us. Have PMd again. Catch you tomorrow, after work I assume xx

Actually, if you like the sound of that, you could head it up if you want. Seeing as you created Hobbit's Bar in the first place. Credit where credit is due, young lady