Still finding it hard to move on......

[Hobbitwife001]

Hello everyone, this is a continuation of my previous thread, so a big welcome to everyone who participated on that one, and hello to anyone new who would like to join in this one.

A little recap of my story, my husband of 27 years left four months ago for another woman that I considered a friend. We live in a small village, and he has moved in with her and her son around the corner from the family home.

I have two sons at home with me, they are 23 and 19, the youngest has Asperger's syndrome and dyspraxia.

I am having counselling to help me get over the massive shock of his betrayal, for months I couldn't sleep or eat very much and started to suffer panic attacks and anxiety.

At the moment I am at the nisi stage of our divorce, I have petitioned for unreasonable behaviour. I am now trying to get the best settlement I can before I apply for the absolute. Needless to say, he is trying not to provide any provision for my youngest son, and has put forward a 50/50 proposal for division of the assets.

So, let's carry on ladies shall we?

Hello Strong, Cap'n Hobbit at your service, well, you could tell him to FOTTFSOFATFOSM, or you could just ignore the twat, which is what I would probably do, which I would have to do as I don't do FB or Twitter, can't be arsed with it all. My friend who is a solicitor, says that FB is one of the biggest contributors to divorce, as people reconnect with old flames, and can carry on a secret relationship , (with pm and cryptic messages as my twat did) without the other half's knowledge.

I suspect that ignoring him would work better, as he has only done it to get a reaction from you, and if he doesn't get one , that will piss on his chips won't it!

Still a bit "ragey" today,

Lots of love Green thinking of you,

Tabby - he had at least 3 affairs whilst we were together - this was the first one which resulted in them having a DD together (who is now 15). So why post a photo from 17 years ago now? Oh I know to upset me and ruin my weekend! He normally steps it up a gear at the end of the week - he wouldn't want me enjoying myself now - would he?

Hobbit - I am going to ignore the twat as I've always reacted in the past and haven't this week but just when you think they can't sink any lower, then they prove you wrong.

Glad that you are a bit "ragey" - think I may join you - it certainly beats being upset which is what I would have been a few weeks ago if he posted something like that.

Anyway - weekend is nearly here and I hope everyone has some lovely things planned for it.

Hi all. I'm abroad with limited wifi so will catch up on all your posts when I have a minute. Just wanted to share this gem. STBXH in trying to explain why he did what he did to my very unimpressed DS2 (23) this week said that OW makes him feels like a teenager. Aha! That explains the selfishness, self-absorbtion, obsession with sex, and the not giving a damn about anyone but yourself. ( with apologies to the many adorable teenagers out there). He's a 55 year old man FFS!

Strong...if you are given to posting pix on FB too take a million pix of you doing super fantastic wonderful things this weekend. Like you would have time to see his lame old pic! Duh

Hello all 'Tis Friday, so the day of divorce in my household - although it has been ominously quiet this week, all of which, has set my nerves back on edge...oddly. Not long to go now, I suppose.

Good luck today Green.

Welcome back Strong - they are breathtakingly arrogant aren't they? Like Hobbit I do do FB or Twitter, which I think is a blessing in disguise. It's so much easier to pretend he is dead, actually no, dying of some gruesome horrible disease that way. On the down side, it always come as a tremendous shock whenever I have to go to court and discover, he's only got brain rot.

Right this woman has got to do some work.

That should read *don't do^ not do do!

It's a good thing MN doesn't do post counts, WWK write 100 post, and 200 correction posts...

Pah!

writes

Mmmmm... Pretend he is dying of some gruesome disease, WWK, that sounds a good strategy to take this weekend, knob rot in its final stages.

The Facebook thing I never really got into, the first thing that really alerted me to something going on between them was when he said he was going cycling with male friend of ours, who then posted a picture of him and her out together on said ride, my friend showed me the picture because she knew I was concerned about this woman, ( let's face it ladies, women's intuition is a pretty powerful thing) so when I asked about the ride and he didn't tell me she had gone along, I said I knew she had because of the picture on FB.

Cue six months of denial and deceit, and my spiral of descent into hell. But as we went out occasionally in a group, he was able to hide behind the mask of friendship, while all the time pursuing her, and she reciprocating.

That still hurts, the thought of them texting each other while I was there, and while we were on holiday, thinking they were so clever in their little game. I wish I had taken a baseball bat to the pair of them while I had the chance, the anger is just building up inside me, just been to Pilates, that hasn't done anything to calm me down, think I'll go to the gym and use the punchbag for an hour!

Morning everyone. Green thinking of you today.

WWK sorry you're on edge. I know the feeling when sometimes you'd actually prefer to hear from them, even it's more irrational rantings of a lunatic. I am often disappointed when I see that he hasn't done a runner.

I made a bad choice this morning - I replied. Instantly regretted it and am now on edge about the blast it will provoke. How can I stop myself responding? I don't know any mother / woman who would be able to refrain from replying to what he said but I need to be able to. If I don't reply it feels like he's got away with it and then drives me mad. But then I know he won't change simply because I point things out so that drives me mad too.

strong can you remove him from your FB? I can't imagine seeing anything like that. Seems like all it can do it hurt / annoy / anger you. Do like the idea of you putting up pictures of you having a good time though!

i think its extremely difficult to control the urge to stand up for yourself - its the fight or flight response - some run (DH) i fight! especially where my kids are concerned! natural mother's instinct i reckon!

I've had a thought never mind waiting til this is all over for a party - we should all pile round to driftings tomorrow -get that hot tub fired up!
izzie you said you'd rather a dog right?

Hi Family I can assure you, I don't want to hear from him - as it's almost always unpleasant, but I'd like my solicitor to hear from his solicitor and I'd like him to co-operate with the court order, none of which has happened, as far as I know.

My trick for 'not responding'...it works: Write it down somewhere, in a book, anywhere, but don't send it. I write it to my solicitor who writes with more finesse than I do, or I rage here.

Hi Hobbit. Has he actually seen your children since he left? Get to the gym and give that bean bag a good whack from me too, then home via the 'sweet shop' or are you gallivanting this evening?

Hi WWK, he has seen my eldest son briefly when he called for his post, he brings younger son home from uni two days a week, and has taken him out for food on a couple of occasions.

Tbh, they don't want any contact with him, and I think he only wants to maintain some semblance of "caring" for them so he doesn't look like an absolute twat.

It has always been us against him, and he came to realise that before he left. He didn't have a good relationship with the boys because of his "glass half empty" attitude. Nothing they did came up to his high "standards" , you should love your children no matter what, and not constantly try to improve them or make them a facsimile of yourself.

So now, when he texts and says my children are the most important thing in my life, they know that it is just a sham, just another lie to justify his actions to himself and other people.

He has tried to take them to the village pub, but they know that that is just another attempt at a pretence that everything is fine between them, and if my sons are ok with what I've done, why can't everyone just accept it as the new "normal". Needless to say they refused. He is trying to normalise an abnormal situation, just smooth the transition between me and the OW, just as Iwass husband is trying to do.

But that will never work in our case, my eldest has said he would spit on her if he tried to introduce them, he is a bit of a hot tempered lad, and my youngest said he would just walk out, but I'm not sure he grasps the impact it has had on me, he just dosent get emotional stuff really.

well im actually getting to that stage too - with me its pointless - had to communicate this morning on DC issue - dont get a reply to the issue but get "told you not to use this email address" blah blah - reason I use every email address is so that I know you have it and cant use the " i only read when i feel like it" - this issue needs a decision - there is a timescale involved! the next stage is all communication via SHL which is going to cost because i am fed up of the game playing.

hobbit hope you cure the rage -

as for OW i've worked out what it is - they reckon they are going to be the one to change them as they've been told its all us - good luck - if lundy reckons its impossible dont think OW have a hope in hell but its going to be fun to watch!

And obviously, he is the most important thing in his life, his selfishness and need for praise and approbation overrides his duty to care for his family.

This man is not the man I married, he has changed completely since he met this woman, everything is what he needs, what he wants.

Hope the writing is going well, WWK, can't wait to read it, you deserve every success. Going to see Fifty shades of Shite at the weekend, that should give me a giggle.

Green and and for you, x

I'm going fifty shades of beetroot at the mo - we have news from the other side. Arse. Seeing Sol next week now so that's kiboshed the plans...again!

See - that fecking Friday Phenomena, 'tis alive and well. Never mind.

Sorry WWK that is total shite. He does it to ruin your weekend doesn't he. The best revenge is if you don't let it (hard I know). I hope you can have some tonight.

It's okay. It's Sol's job to deal with fuckwittery these days. I'm just getting back on with shit. See, it really doesn't bother me the way it used to!

I guess your comment I'm going fifty shades of beetroot at the mo made me think it possibly did bother you!! I sometimes find it harder when I hear from his side rather than him directly because it feels like they are 'siding' with him and I want to tell them that he is lying but I can't. I do enjoy reading my SHL replies though.

All very frustrating and I still dream of the future days of indifference.

It did - for about an hour!

Then 'meh' kicked in.

Staying with 'meh' now for the weekend. Woo-hoo.

WWK - why do they wait until Friday?

I am not friends with him on Facebook but both DS and DD are, so they get to see what he posts which is very hurtful of him as it is not only getting at me but it must also upset them to a certain extent although I think they want as little to do with him as possible at the moment.

Hobbit - we also get "my children are my world" comment a lot - pity he sometimes go weeks without seeing them. But that is a another story...

No idea strong but it is really common so I'm guessing it's just the way solicitor's business is structured in that it works out that way. It's not just me who has the 'Friday' phenomena. One of the reasons why I've just starting reading things when I absolutely have to (today's were, annoyingly, have to's) but one email was welcome news, the second email was more of the same old shite...

Strong and I bet the reason he goes weeks without seeing them is ALL your fault, huh? Well, that's what he'll be telling all and sundry, I suppose.

HiColour, or should I say Bonjour, Ca Va? Couleur,
Your post about him being like a teenager made me laugh
I need it today, feeling down and blubbery,
Don't know why, just do.

Can't seem to settle to anything, feeling agitated, I have already been to Pilates, the gym and walked the dog three miles. Actually I think it was a comment of my friends made this morning, about having to get on with things, she meant well, but it threw me a bit, it's ok for her, she hasn't had her life dismantled for her and turned upside down.

Hobbit it's just a down period - will be an up one tomorrow

I seem to differ from most on here in that I and my DDs are not in contact directly with twatface in any way, shape or form other than Mediation - and even that he has cancelled 2 out of the 3 so far. He is doing the opposite thing...doing absolutely bugger-all (no change there). So I am sat in limbo for the past year and a bit wondering what is happening. I realise that this is a problem only going to court would solve. Until then he is sitting pretty in his luxury apartment with his well paid job and we... not so much It's just another control thing

Bobs can you do Form A and apply for a timetable for FDA/FDR if you want it to hurry up? You're eligible now and can still continue with mediation (I think). The solicitor's rarely have a reason to hurry it up as they prefer the email ding-dong.

Hey Hobbit it's that pendulum, you have a bit of a going backwards, but it will change direction when it's right to. Some people really struggle to say the 'right things' and they say some utterly daft things instead, like "just" having to get on with it, when it's all so "unjust" is one of those phrases that gives me the rage!

Same as 'two sides of the story'.

Same as 'at least you've got your health' - no I haven't, I'm currently broken in two and I'd like to die please, was the best retort I didn't say to that. My own "D"M was the world's bloody best for saying the wrong thing at the most appropriate time so she and I don't talk so much now. Dealing with one idiot is enough at any one time!

Hi Hobbit, I certainly had no idea about how much someone's life would be turned upside down by a marriage breakdown. I think it's fair to say that unless someone has experienced it, they really can't understand.

I think that V Day is preying on a lot of our minds, despite the fact that hardly anyone actually took much notice of it before. I'm definitely feeling resentful of Batty Drawers, mainly because she thinks she has everything now. Although, even as I write it, I know that's not the case. She is high maintenance, and he's got no time for that, he's working all hours. If she drags him out for a meal, he will really just want to crash out. Then of course there's the issue of the two sons who will never have anything to do with her. And she must at some stage realise that it's not going to resolve itself, even if I fall off a cliff. It's the big elephant in the room. That puts a huge strain on any relationship.

This is the time that the twunts and the bitches have to live reality. The best days of their relationships are behind them. There is nothing to bind them together but lies, hurt and destruction. And they will never be accepted by most people, because they disapprove of their actions.

They deserve all that's coming to them. And in my opinion, it can't come soon enough.

We are both, plus others, better off out of all of the shit we went through before they left. Never mind the current fuckwittery, what about the total headfucks of the past??