Still finding it hard to move on......

[Hobbitwife001]

Hello everyone, this is a continuation of my previous thread, so a big welcome to everyone who participated on that one, and hello to anyone new who would like to join in this one.

A little recap of my story, my husband of 27 years left four months ago for another woman that I considered a friend. We live in a small village, and he has moved in with her and her son around the corner from the family home.

I have two sons at home with me, they are 23 and 19, the youngest has Asperger's syndrome and dyspraxia.

I am having counselling to help me get over the massive shock of his betrayal, for months I couldn't sleep or eat very much and started to suffer panic attacks and anxiety.

At the moment I am at the nisi stage of our divorce, I have petitioned for unreasonable behaviour. I am now trying to get the best settlement I can before I apply for the absolute. Needless to say, he is trying not to provide any provision for my youngest son, and has put forward a 50/50 proposal for division of the assets.

So, let's carry on ladies shall we?

WWK mother's comments. The worst I had was a letter from FIL saying that it was a shame about the separation "despite best efforts". What fucking effort was that on your son's part then, dickhead?? That fucking pissed me off no end. It felt like a conspiracy. And I told the ex too. Why the fuck should I have to deal with his family when he has nothing to do with mine?

He has nothing to do with mine because he's a coward. Same reason that he gets his hair cut elsewhere. Because the hairdresser is more my friend than his. And I have to say his hair looks shite now

And I have to say, that whenever I've seen him, he never seems very happy. He whines about how work is even worse than before, and he's working all hours. And I sit there making sympathetic noises and have a little smile to myself. Then take great delight in showing him all the stuff I've done around the house.

Yes, I'm sure it's fun fun fun in the Mental Home

I also get the impression that Batty Woman doesn't run round after him. Apparently she's a good cook. But I got the impression from something he said that he's having to pull his weight a lot. Oh dear, that didn't last long, did it? I know I didn't cook, but at least I did his washing and ironing.

It's so easy making the effort during an affair. Not so once reality kicks in

I think I've passed this week's challenges. I'm going out to the supermarket later to hang around the ready meals for one aisle to get some treats for me and the kids for VD. Actually just an excuse to treat ourselves. It's a huge supermarket so they sell a lot more than food. Tonight is the night to grab all those things I thought would be nice but not essential!

That is my thrive part of the challenge.

This is my best buddy!

He's bloody upset me over something stupid yet again. I so want to send him a shitty text.

I'd mentioned to him a while back about getting a couple of the windows replaced as they are rotten and he said he would sort it out. He could have spoken to me all day yesterday or most of today about it, but despite us talking this morning and him saying that he realises that he's been a selfish idiot and he'd like to start again he didn't mention anything about the windows. I left work late afternoon as I had the dentist and he knew I wasn't going to be back before the end of the day so I get back and he's put an envelope through the door with quotes in it for the bloody windows.

I don't even know what I'm supposed to do, does he want me to sodding sort it out. I thought he was going to sort it out and arrange for it to get done. Now I'm going to have to speak to him about it and see what is happening. That's partly why it's upset me because I have to go and speak to him yet again about something to do with the house. He doesn't speak to me about it I have to chase him and I hate it.

Then he makes a point of putting it through the door when he knows I'm not there. Why not just say he's had the quotes and we'll go through it when he gets a minute if he's busy. It's like he's deliberately avoiding seeing me so that I have to go and ask him about it. I feel like texting him to say that he could bother actually bloody talking to me but I don't want him to know I'm upset. He did this before and he upset me and he knew and he bloody goes and does it again the same day he tells me that he realises what a prat he's been.

And tomorrow's not bloody helping neither! Sorry I'm just really fucked off. I thought we got somewhere today and then he reverts straight back to being a dickhead.

WWK my plan was to wait for the 2nd joint mediation meeting which is now rescheduled for 2 weeks time before deciding. Mediator (aka SHM) has indicated she can normally tell by the end of the 2nd meeting whether one side is just being a twat! (in so many words).

I have spent part of this week researching court and what it involves. I have not involved my Sol since he referred us for mediation in November. the paperwork needed - reasonable needs etc was not difficult, just time consuming. I do not plan to involve him till either there is a workable proposal on the table or we go to court.

What I really do not want to happen is have to pay for all the emails between solicitors that court entails. I am trying to find a medium ground of doing as much of it as I can, and using, say a barrister for court. Have been wondering if my sol will agree to me being in charge, receivinf emails etc, and just being there if I need any help.

Will try to research form A.

Trying to be always one step ahead...nothing better to do

Isn't she pretty? Hey, drifting, maybe we could have a doggy date?
Is yours a male of the species?
I know you are
We could double date in the non-existent hot tub, ahhh God loves a trier!
Still trying to get one over on Izzie
Is it cos I am Welsh?
Thanks for your kind comments everyone, feel a bit better now, I was even thinking of withdrawing from MN for a while, I might still, the end of this thread is drawing near, I might just let someone else be the OP, but still comment, I do luffs you all.

No you can't Hobbit. I spent over 2 hrs reading your first thread this morning! Without you at the helm the ship might sink! You have to at least be the figurehead - now there's a vision stuck in my head

what a cutie

Well I do have, ahem! An ample décolletage! (Hope drifting!sees this)!
I just thought that someone else might like to post their story, and we could all still pile in, probably would miss the lols though.

Haha - just reread...by cutie I meant the dog!!!

Here you go....ahem (clearing throat and deep breath)

HOBBIT HAS AN AMPLE DECOLLETAGE

(D'you think he heard??? )

Izzie Yours a whiner too? Mine had a very surreal woe is me moment in the witness box going on about how hard his life was. Even his legal team were rolling their eyes. Okay, if I could see them, I'm pretty sure they would have been rolling their eyes. The judge, however, definitely did.

Iwas It strikes me that what you're upset about is being deliberately manipulated again, e.g. he gives you 'just enough' to force you to contact him, which makes you feel like you're running around after him again, doing his bidding. I wonder if you could put it on his desk and with a post-it with what you want, e.g. can you pick the one you prefer and let me know when they are coming to do the work. E.g. you can do a 'letter' drop system all for yourself?

Hobbit, as you know I think your dog is beautiful but she still hates me with a passion. I keep a wide berth of your town just in case she can smell me passing by...Please don't leave the thread for now - we need bonkers!

Bobs if she doesn't - get one that does. You know what's in your pot, and you sound organised and efficient. Form A is the application that starts up ancilliary relief processes (it's just the name of the form, like form D11 or is it 8? kicks of the divorce process) - clearly the money is more important than the divorce!!!

Green hope all's okay with you.

Green I hope today went well for you, thinking of you.

Hobbit your dog is lovely. Sorry you've not had a good day, pleased you are feeling a bit better now. Don't leave us, I don't want Hobbit's bar to close and you are a lovely landlady.

Izzie I like your range of names for OW, they are very good.

Are you saying I'm not cute, Bobs? How very dare you , I'm as cute as a box of kittens I'll have you know, in the dark, with a bag over my head. :)

Hobbit you can't leave us, we all love you!

Please don't leave. That's heartfelt.

And I love your cutie dog.

How about you have Drifting and I take the dogs.......

WWK thank you. I was very tempted to go round and put it back through his bloody door. Yes it is very much the feeling of being manipulated and that he couldn't even be bothered to speak to me about it for one minute. Even just have a look and let me know what you think, but no he has to make a sodding point of actually avoiding me by putting it through the door when I was out.

I just feel like I'm going round in circles, every time I'm feeling a bit more positive he goes and upsets me. I might do what you suggest, I will see how I feel tomorrow thank you. Read your new thread update earlier, pleased you got some good news today.

Awwww... Thanks Izzie, but you're not having me dog, she had just had a bath after our walk, and she doesn't like baths, hence the towel, and pissed off look!

Iwas yes I too think he's manipulating re the windows. And yes agree with what WWK suggested. Whatever you do, don't let him knows he's annoyed you.

Yes,I am rather good at coming up with names! living dangerously now

Hobbit I think you might be ahead of me in the D stakes now

WWK glad you've had some good news

Green thinking of you

Fontella hope you're ok. Has anyone seen her on any other threads?

I texted him earlier as I wanted the password for something. Got a reply. And I just feel like replying fuck off you wanker. How fucking dare he do......everything! I wonder how I would feel if he died now. It would be a bit surreal. But rather satisfying money wise. I think when I've worked through all my feelings, the verdict will be that he was an emotional fuckwit. Meh! It was never going to work, not whilst I still wanted more than a housemate.

Hobbit dog baths! yes I remember them shaking themselves AFTER the towel had come off. And one of them used to run outside and have a good roll in the grass afterwards.....

Do you think she would like me? Cos I'm a dog person.

Hobbit I'm sure you are as cute as you are bonkers

Well, everyone, Tuesday is pancake day. Their day

Cos they are all a bunch of tossers! Boom boom

Iwas. You're welcome. My 'image' of your Sid (is it?) is that he's probably a whole lot better at reading people and deceiving them than you can imagine, and you're only just starting to wake up to the matter - which is probably killing your self-esteem, but speaks volumes about you as a person: honest, loyal, good-natured, and trusting.

Qualities, which quite frankly, should be rewarded but most likely you're feeling ashamed of nonetheless. Ditto, love.

So I get why your 'cage is rattled', but there's something really nice about being able to 'read' a person and counter it. Unfortunately, it's a really hard thing to do when you're emotionally invested in them...so best you can, be proud of yourself for getting the emotionally detached 'insight' of MN because that's what's going to keep you wise (not make you wise!).

People generally get dogs that are a reflection of themselves. In which case, you are very cute!

I always wonder what sort of self image some people have to get these dogs