Still finding it hard to move on......

[Hobbitwife001]

Hello everyone, this is a continuation of my previous thread, so a big welcome to everyone who participated on that one, and hello to anyone new who would like to join in this one.

A little recap of my story, my husband of 27 years left four months ago for another woman that I considered a friend. We live in a small village, and he has moved in with her and her son around the corner from the family home.

I have two sons at home with me, they are 23 and 19, the youngest has Asperger's syndrome and dyspraxia.

I am having counselling to help me get over the massive shock of his betrayal, for months I couldn't sleep or eat very much and started to suffer panic attacks and anxiety.

At the moment I am at the nisi stage of our divorce, I have petitioned for unreasonable behaviour. I am now trying to get the best settlement I can before I apply for the absolute. Needless to say, he is trying not to provide any provision for my youngest son, and has put forward a 50/50 proposal for division of the assets.

So, let's carry on ladies shall we?

Evening all

In true Hobbit style I have been absent.

Firstly, there was an article today about the importance of grabbing the ex's pension. I hope we are all financially savvy, but if not, please read
www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2950074/Divorcing-mothers-warned-fight-slice-ex-husband-s-pension-face-financial-loss-later-life.html

Well, I've been struggling to find something to get myself on V Day. In the end have settled on the latest Call the Midwife DVD, which doesn't come out till March! I'm going to get the kids some chocolate and stuff, and see what else I can find me for too, and try to do something nice with them, if they are around. Now that he is no longer here, I want to make all these things more of an occasion. He will just be going out for a meal with her, if she's booked it. And she will pay the price later, as that means he will be further behind with his work......

I wanted to get something for the house, sad woman that I am, but a lot is dependent on other factors, that I don't really want to explore at the moment, on the basis I want to keep a clear head. Colour's post has thrown up some things for me, such is life, and don't worry about it, Colour, they would have surfaced anyway again. Also, Hobbit's post about dates got me thinking about a key time of year and the eventual loss of something very close to my heart. It certainly isn't the Twat. But when it happens, there is absolutely NO chance whatsoever that I can ever think well of him again.

Fucking idiot!

Ah well, off to have a bath and then I think an izzietini is the order of the day. Last day at work tomorrow for a week, yay! Paintbrush at the ready, but undecided what I'm painting......

I'm reading the posts, but refraining from commenting as I want to stay in my happy place, or rather get back to it.

To change topic, Drifting, what sort of dog! precisely what breed?? PM me if you can't say on the thread. I need some light relief

Love to Green

Why the fuck does this bleeding ipad keep breaking out into exclamation marks??

LOL izzie i have just logged back on to say exactly the same thing about pension!

and yes! you are keeping me in that happy place

speak to you tomorrow!x

Green wishing you all the best for tomorrow, will be thinking of you. Agree about V day, seems to be everywhere. We never used to bother with it as it was deemed "commercial shit" but even if he sticks to that view with OW you still get couples rammed down your throat and I certainly don't need any reminder that I haven't got that anymore. Take care

Hello Colour oh sweetheart I am sorry, that sounds horrific. To go through all of that thinking you were working through his affair and starting to feel positive about your future and all the time he was still seeing her. I really feel for you, how could he have done that to you.

I can understand why my thread was painful to read for you. It's always so much more emotive reading about something that is happening to you at the same time and your circumstances sound quite similar too. Same length of time married, affair discovered similar time, initially tried to see if it was possible for us to work through it and then get kicked in the face again.

I yearn to get to whatever will end up being normal again too, but I don't think there's any quick way of getting there unfortunately. We are all quite happy to welcome you to our not quite so merry party but wish you didn't have the need to be here if that makes sense. There is lots of support and camaraderie on here and it does help to chat to people on here who are going through the same heartache.

Izzie Think Harvey. My photo skills are s**t. Bear with . Soon you will all be amazed.
Colour I am the token gent. There is a queue. Sometimes orderly , occasionally competitive , feel free to jump in , but Izzie with a hangover is in pole. Mind I like sheep too. It is a good bunch when there is no RL there. I like it.
No wobble today. Plenty of decluttering though which has been fun . IE binned loads of shit from the loft that was complete crap. And felt better that it was hers .
Valentines Day I am going to the pub with the dog , and will return with several women to enjoy an evening in my hot tub , Chinese & beers.

Or will return on my own to enjoy takeaway & MN later on . Probably the latter. No room in my head for any more women ( except the gang on MN ) .

And I don't have a hot tub .

Drifting, you mentioned Harvey?? I'm the woman for you!!

Tabby I think animals are a lot more perceptive than humans sometimes! I like both dogs and cats.

Family yes I don't understand neither why they keep on lying. My husband told me so many lies when he claimed he was being honest. It actually worked against him because I didn't feel I could rely on him to be truthful, it got to the stage where I only believed he was being truthful if he admitted that he had done something, if he denied it I didn't believe him purely because he had lied and lied to me before. I hope you feel a bit more positive soon although it is easier said than done.

I don't know what makes OW think he won't do to them what they did to us. The OW in my situation knows he is only with her because I kicked him out, I know for a fact that she doesn't trust him, she knows he's been a cheat for most if not all of his adult life and at his age (late fifties) he sure as hell isn't going to change now yet she still wants to be with him!!

Hobbit that sounds really hard, having to endure all of that. That stage when you think something is going on but you don't know for definite is horrific. You latch onto any tiny bit of hope that somehow it's innocent. I still don't understand, and never will, how someone can hurt someone that they claim to love that badly. As mistress of the universe thread that's a very moving post to welcome Colour in. x

Who's Harvey? confused

iwas

www.youtube.com/watch?v=EmzgkMsf_GQ

Interesting article on pensions. The one thorn in my side atm besides twatface is his reluctance to give details of one he had for 10 years which was paid up before marriage. He says he has been unable to trace it . I have been trying to work out how to find out about this (I have the name/number of the pension)

If you are in uk there is a missing pensions service. I typed in something similar and got that result

Hobbit I hope your friend is okay, she sounds like she is having a rough time too. The bereavement section on here is quite supportive if that might help her. It's a long time since I lost my mum sadly but I still get upset on her Birthday and I do have a look and cry sometimes.

Izzie treating ourselves to a V day gift sounds like a good idea, no idea what though!!

Bobs hello that's a nice positive start! Think that's a great idea might buy some nutcrackers for V day Sorry to read your story, sounds awfully difficult for you all, hope it starts feeling a bit more positive for you all soon.

Green & Bob your daughter's sound lovely and thoughtful.

Ah thanks Izzie I remember now - Harvey's lovely!

Drifting enjoy your V day down the pub. I don't have a hog dog neither so we have something else in common moves ahead of Izzie in the disorderly queue

hog dog!!!! That was supposed to say hot tub! Moves behind Izzie again who can at least spell and do pictures!

Excuse me . Stop talking about bricks. We are not all the same thank you.

I wish to remain intact for future possible interaction.

Its like wacky races . Goodnight all . Early start filling bins with her stuff. If we don't meet catch up enjoy V Day as best we all can . I might tret meself too. Will let you all know.

Drifting the bricks are for twunts only so you are safe. Sleep well, hope tomorrow's bin filling isn't too hard. Take care.

Yes Drifting carry on with the clearing out. I need some space for my things.....

Iwas lol at the nutcrackers but Hobbits brick idea is cheaper and more satisfying I think

Sorry drifter - didn't realise you had nuts to crack I'm sure you're not like our xtwats or you wouldn't be allowed on here!

Izzie thanks - I have seen pension services online but I think the pension has to be in my name in order to get details and you have to give phone number etc

been awake since 4.30 - usual pattern when stuff on my mind - nice early email to twunt though about responsibilties as a parent- should wake him up in a good mood - but shouldn't have to spell it out to him!

izzieknew harvey would cinch it - my DD loves him too! remember MIL! but haven't sent my photo in yet drifting and was getting excited about the hot tub!

iwas hello must catch up on your thread - you sound good & yes totally agree about OW especially when they have the knowledge and wells reference to red flags - we are not making this stuff up!

hobbit been thinking about you too & understandable reaction to "nisi" - probably because mine is on the go - and think this too should be an acknowledgement - like the engagement ring? - all these parts of the process as well as being the end of something are also the start of something new & exciting - none of us know whats in store for us but why not mark it with a little gift to ourselves as a reminder of how far we've come since day 1.

And Vday too - doens't matter what we did before - its about now - we all need to show "love" to ourselves and blimey we all deserve it!

I never "got" these "divorce parties" but yep getting it now - time to start planning ladies & man - drinks are sorted izzitinis, we've got driftings hot tub & chinese - we've come up with some cracking tunes - just need a few more fellas drifting - this is your mission .

dont know what the hell is wrong with me - - have a good day all - back to bed once kids gone!

just been backreading colour your story is dreadful! I am just about getting my head around that our twunts are a special breed but the women that choose themselves over their kids - especially when they are young - dont think ill ever get this - there's no way i would by choice be a part time parent and even knowing what has happened Ive still told my kids I would have made every decision again even being SAHM because too me they are whats important! If you are not happy you change yourself before your circumstances and then if still not enough you deal with it without involving anybody else!

Trying not to react - posting this morning from him is a picture of him cuddling the woman who he had his first affair with and the message -

Blast from the past - don't know where my DD got this from - when I asked for some old pictures I wanted them of me and you....

Well there won't be many pictures because he didn't see her for about 12 years!! And does he think it is a sensible idea to post this? I've not reacted to him all week and won't now but what an absolute twat

Seriously? Is this on FB? His friends must think what an idiot.

I can't get my head round the mentality if OW either. I wonder if when she grows up a bit and has her own children if she will ever feel guilty but I doubt it. She probably sees herself as a victim which to a certain extent she was he told her so many lies. Doesn't excuse what she did though.

Did drifting say hot tub? Right I need to join that queue.

When I got my nisi I just felt relieved. Another step along the way. I think i shall have a party to celebrate when it's all over as long as I time it when DS is at his dads as it would upset him.