Still finding it hard to move on......

[Hobbitwife001]

Hello everyone, this is a continuation of my previous thread, so a big welcome to everyone who participated on that one, and hello to anyone new who would like to join in this one.

A little recap of my story, my husband of 27 years left four months ago for another woman that I considered a friend. We live in a small village, and he has moved in with her and her son around the corner from the family home.

I have two sons at home with me, they are 23 and 19, the youngest has Asperger's syndrome and dyspraxia.

I am having counselling to help me get over the massive shock of his betrayal, for months I couldn't sleep or eat very much and started to suffer panic attacks and anxiety.

At the moment I am at the nisi stage of our divorce, I have petitioned for unreasonable behaviour. I am now trying to get the best settlement I can before I apply for the absolute. Needless to say, he is trying not to provide any provision for my youngest son, and has put forward a 50/50 proposal for division of the assets.

So, let's carry on ladies shall we?

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Drifting_(motorsport)
Ooh er, just googled Drifting 2015 and this is the image.
Never heard of it.....

Oh Strong, I thought mine was bad. There may also be a child involved in my case. I knew the OW as she had been employed by my DB many years ago. I had no idea that my H had been in touch with her in the 13 years since though. Her husband was killed, I believe (allegedly) in the middle of their affair. They are a disgusting pair. However, rather than stay in the background and leave us to it, she has made my life an utter misery. She is entitled, even writing to my brother to state that her husband was killed thus she deserved happiness and I was in the way!!! She has written abuse you wouldn't believe. I watch people's faces when they read it and the "O" of their mouth getting wider and wider, WWK knows, she's seen some of it. I shan't go on, I've got 1,300 posts in two threads talking about it. Shameful, disgusting, vile individuals. Words will fail me for the rest of my life after this saga. I sincerely hope you meet somebody who is worthy of you. What an utter arsehole your husband is and as for the childminder...vomit. So sorry x

Chinese arrived. Someone else's order

Mrs C....Sympathise re OW. In this case just as vile but hides behind things. That's even worse in my opinion, hasn't even got the balls to be upfront about it. A sneaky little snitch telling lies and playing the helpless victim.

Thanks MrsC - he is an arsehole. And the OW are just as bad a lot of the time. I look back now and think what a idiot I have been - I left him when I found out about his first affair which resulted in his DD. The day I returned to him after 6 months apart, the ex OW phoned him to thank him for the flowers he had sent her as her house had been broken into.

It just amazes me how they explain it / justify it - apparently despite have 3 affairs none of them were serious and he would never leave me. Well now I have left him but it does make me think that I never want to be with someone again. I am just thankful that I am "only" early forties and if I hadn't made the break this time then it could have continued for another 10/15 years....

And if I ever say anything nice about him at all - I need you all to give me a slap

Strong...I feel much the same...glad I am out now. I am going to be 46 this year but now have an autistic 3 nearly 4 year old...because my husband begged me to have a baby. Then fucked off. I would never return. You are not an idiot, just a decent person. Decent people get screwed over every time. I am not sure how "decent" I would be now. My husband justifies it because I was "cold" apparently, he needed "fun, kisses and cuddles and somebody to greet him nicely when he came through the door" (I wish I was joking)...and he needed somebody to "treat him like a man" which I was "incapable of" as I was so busy "being a Mum". Apparently I now know that him "being treated like a man" means that he has fucked me over financially, doesn't give a shit if we are homeless and indeed won't even acknowledge DS's autism". According to the OW, I am "attention seeking and only doing it to claim DLA" and she knows this because....."she is a children's hairdresser with a CRB check". This qualifies her in paediatrics apparently. So clearly, I am a shit Mum, wife and shit person in general. They are paragons of virtue who have been thrown together by this evil woman who "entrapped" him (OW said that) and now has the cheek to demand that he takes some responsibility, financial or otherwise. According to her I don't "deserve respect" after the "ordeal" ancillary relief that I have put them through over the last year and a half. This is why she has now been summonsed to court. Poor husband stealing lamb who is so devastated at her loss she uses the terms partner and recent widow in the same sentence

Mrs C - I am "only" 42 and he said exactly all the same things to me - apparently I didn't show him enough love - pretty hard when you are dealing with 2DC (one who has dyslexia and speech problems). It is hard to love someone who gives you no emotional support at all - who can't attend parents evenings at school because they are too busy. Or view secondary schools for their DS because they just know where they will go.

I don't think he gives a damn about our financial security and well being - it is lucky that I have worked for the last 9 years with the same employee and own half our joint business. Apparently I can take a salary from our business but that means that he doesn't have to pay any child support to us. He doesn't pay a penny to our children but lent her money recently and told her not to worry about paying it back and that she should take her DD on a holiday with it.

You are a great person - there for your children (as I am). We both deserve all the respect in the world for still being here after everything they have put us through. At the end of the day I struggle to see how these OW operate - how can you chase a man who has a family "who means the world to him" - his words not mine.

Anyway - I can't let him control my life anymore - when I look at him now I see a sad old 42 year old chasing woman who are 10-12 years younger than him. He will never change and whatever faults I may have, they are no way near as bad as him as I will always be there for my DC.

I think the turning point for me was New Year's Eve when he had been to see her and she posted a message on Faceb**k saying how hard a year it had been - coping alone with 2DD. I thought that could be me - her DD started primary school and our DS started high school. He had been there listening to her worries and yet didn't give a damn about mine.

I used to wish that something I did would provoke him to show he cared - but he cares for no-one apart from himself.

Mrs C, Strong

Just caught up with last night's posts. What i find so utterly sick is the way, in Mrs C's case, the OW claims to be the victim. It takes a certain type to pull a married man away from his family, but to then compound it by continuing to strike against the wife afterwards is totally vile.

And as for Strong's ex, again, some wives are virtually a single parent in all bar name well before the existence of OW.

Both of your stories make me so bloody angry.

And yes, at "your age" having to start again. Says me, aged 54.

I cannot even begin to comprehend having to cope with all of this with children as well, mine are 19 and 22.

I'm beyond words. Maybe I should just post a text I sent him about his total failure as a dad. It is full of venom, but every word is true, and it ended with saying I was disgusted by him. Well, consider that text applies to both of the "men" here. As for the OW, don't even get me started!

Children' hairdresser! Primary school teacher! So they know the effects on the children. What vile pieces of shite they are

I was going to post a rant, but I don't want to wind myself up. So, I will just say that you ladies, in fact all of us on this thread, we have behaved with dignity. We have not cut up their clothes, we have not damaged any of their possessions, we have not taken out an ad in the paper to tell others about their behaviour. No. Nothing bar telling the twunts how despicable they have been and continue to be. And actually, most of that venom has been deflected onto MN!

All of us, ladies and Drifting, we should be proud of how we have acted with dignity throughout all of this. But being dignified does NOT mean that we won't fight our corner in the financial stakes, nor for the children. Oh, and the fact that we can still, in these times, find humour, says a lot about all of us.

.........Ooh, I hear the strains of Land of Hope and Glory in my head, haha. But will post this instead:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZHwVBirqD2s

I'm Still Standing

You could never know what it's like
Your blood like winter freezes just like ice
And there's a cold lonely light that shines from you
You'll wind up like the wreck you hide behind that mask you use

And did you think this fool could never win
Well look at me, I'm coming back again
I got a taste of love in a simple way
And if you need to know while I'm still standing you just fade away

Don't you know I'm still standing better than I ever did
Looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid
I'm still standing after all this time
Picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind

I'm still standing yeah yeah yeah
I'm still standing yeah yeah yeah

Once I never could hope to win
You starting down the road leaving me again
The threats you made were meant to cut me down
And if our love was just a circus you'd be

And if our love was just a circus you'd be.......a clown by now

Morning Izzie. I like that one, you're getting good at these links and pictures.

I spoke to soon then! x

too soon even. Least you know how to spell even if you get Wales wrong

Morning iwas. Do you mean whales??

Aha yes but did you notice that although I cut off the last words, it was followed by the clown pic? All deliberate of course ahem

You Welsh lot, when is St David's Day?

Ah, is it 1st March?

Ah very good! No doubt we can all add computer skills to our extensive CVs!

Leave the rant for when you feel in that sort of mood. You feeling okay today?

I spoke to the children yesterday, they don't want to meet OW thankfully. But I went out for a meal with the children and my daughter's best friend and her mum who's also a friend of mine and guess who also went there last night! Yes my husband and OW with a couple of others who I assume are friends of hers. I don't know if it was deliberate or not, he knew we were going out but not where but it's somewhere we did go on the rare occasions we went out. So much for keeping a low profile.

1st March according to google, why?

How did you cope with that iwas ?
That must have been difficult, yet again they act like the complete cunts they are, and in front of your children as well!
Words fail me!

Hi everyone, ( and Izzie), don't know why I keep doing that, it just tickles me. I see you have been bumping up the post count while I've been out enjoying myself, this thread will be going on and on and on!
But that's good , I get to talk to you lovely ladies and gent for ever and ever.

Off to earn a crust now, catch up later.

Urgh, how unfortunate last night. But I'm so glad but unsurprised that the children want nothing to do with her. Did the children acknowledge him last night? I think I can guess the answer to that.

As for him, how unoriginal. Were any of that ,or the same age as him?

Yes I'm fine, thanks

Yes it does make me wonder if it was deliberate on his part. In which case, it just shows how he doesn't really get it, does he? That's an own goal for him

Two nights of proper sleep. Bliss. No wine I'm afraid as it stops me sleeping and I've had enough of that by now. I have a little respite now until the final hearing and STBXH is back to being nice which will probably last until a few weeks before the next hearing then he will get nasty again. Oh well at least I get a bit of a break. The best best best thing is that one way or another it will all be over by the summer I will be divorced and I will have freedom from being financially and legally tied to a dishonest cheat.

Are we all the wrong side of 40? Is that because they manage not to cheat for 10 or 20 years or do we just not realise it or do they simply lack the opportunity? Something I will probably never know the answer to in my case. But it seems they all come out with the same rubbish. I got the OW understands me and gives me the emotional support that you should give me. She is my soulmate for a few weeks. Why can't you be as fun as her? having drug fuelled orgy parties Boring old me who rarely even drinks just wasn't good enough.