Still finding it hard to move on......

[Hobbitwife001]

Hello everyone, this is a continuation of my previous thread, so a big welcome to everyone who participated on that one, and hello to anyone new who would like to join in this one.

A little recap of my story, my husband of 27 years left four months ago for another woman that I considered a friend. We live in a small village, and he has moved in with her and her son around the corner from the family home.

I have two sons at home with me, they are 23 and 19, the youngest has Asperger's syndrome and dyspraxia.

I am having counselling to help me get over the massive shock of his betrayal, for months I couldn't sleep or eat very much and started to suffer panic attacks and anxiety.

At the moment I am at the nisi stage of our divorce, I have petitioned for unreasonable behaviour. I am now trying to get the best settlement I can before I apply for the absolute. Needless to say, he is trying not to provide any provision for my youngest son, and has put forward a 50/50 proposal for division of the assets.

So, let's carry on ladies shall we?

I can't seem to settle to anything today.

Had to get together paperwork for cars. Both are being traded in. I'm trading in his, and he is trading in mine! Why is it that there are hundreds of useful pieces of paper around but never the one you want? I actually saw it, looked at it, a few days ago. When he first left I got on top of all the paperwork. Now it's all piling up. Urgh!

I'm definitely quite lethargic at the moment. I did say, though, that I needed to consider my body rather than the house, for a while. The house has had some lovely attention from Izzie the Decorator since he left. Now it's my body's turn. Trouble is, I get frustrated after a while at things not being done. Relaxed is not my middle name.

I have one more week at work then a week off. I'm trying to make that a defining moment. The time I start eating properly, just stop skipping eating. I do look tired at the moment. And pale. I'm actually, come to think of it, of Irish and Scottish ancestors. I'm only Wel'sh by association. Anyway, the eating thing, haha, yeah!

He just texted me about papers. I mentioned I don't know why he enjoyed doing the finances. His reply, who said I did? My reply, you did. When you went away last year, you said you would miss doing it all if you didn't have to do it anymore. A reference to events 18 months ago. No reply, but my point made in a roundabout way.

I hate that bitch. Well, if Karma happens, it's going to be a hell of a big one for her.......not excusing him, but I've referenced some of her vile behaviour on here already. I still haven't posted about that email. Will do so when I feel a need to get the blood racing

Green!!!

I gather you've been in a thinking mood again. I'm giving it up for a while. It won't last though.

Meantime, Drifting has a son..... so I could still be your DMil

Just read a bit more of your last post, Green. That's exactly why I haven't read the screaming banshee thread. And the one about men who are attracted to weak women, or whatever the title was.

I would positively explode reading those two

I is going out to be sociable again now, I know, twice in one day is excessive, who do I think I am and all that malarkey, will catch up later, as I will probably be awake into the wee hours as usual.
Lots of love everyone( and Izzie, not one to bear a grudge me!)
Laterzz....

Have a good time Hobbit. I won't be awake in the small hours, so will catch up tomorrow. Xx

Izzie - what has happened? I've been too busy to post for a few days but I see your technical skills have come on in leaps and bounds - I am impressed.

Green - sounds like the perfect evening

Wellwhoknew - thanks for thinking of us all - I've not posted much as things have been pretty quiet here and twat has actually been behaving himself - sure it won't last. Also it is like something has happened over the last 2/3 weeks and I am not particularly bothered about what he does or who with anymore - it has taken 10 months but his actions are slowly causing me less and less distress. At the end of the day he is an idiot who has destroyed my self esteem for many years. I just need to start believing in me

Hope everyone else is OK and Hobbit - hope you have a great evening

Hi Strong, I think what has happened is that I've been very lazy at home and paying far too much attention to amusing myself on MN

And wow, you've made some big progress with your thinking. I'm so pleased for you. Yes, all of this stuff we have endured, none of it is about us, it's all about them. We just happen/ happened to be in the line of fire. As for starting to believe in yourself, you know as well as we all do on here, that we have and continue to endure allsorts coming at us. And we are still surviving. Which is more than the twats could ever have done. Good on you

Well it has taken me 10 months - and I don't know how - but my attitude towards him has just changed. I know that others are not as far along on the journey but there is honestly light at the end of the tunnel.

We all deserve so much better than how we are being treated and we just need to remember that - not easy some days, I know. But everyone on this thread is amazing and the support shown to each other has really helped me a lot. It just helps to know that you are not alone and no matter how much you want to rant - there is always someone here for you.

Izzie you're a greedy cah, we all elected Iwas' husband for you, so you're very much last in the pecking order...

Hobbit have a jolly good evening you trollop

Strong welcome back - good to hear from you. Quiet sounds nice. What's that like? Please start believing in you, the sooner the better.

Green great to see you back too. Have a lovely evening with DD.

MrsC I have wine... I have given up 'Dry February' this weekend. Start again tomorrow. Will just add on the days into March. I wish March would hurry up though...

I am having a quiet night in. So I shall mostly knock around MN causing riots.

Good Evening ladies,de-lurking to say how great & supportive you are.

I'm 3&1/2 years down line from 25 year marriage & OW was bitch friend. I still have bad days even now but agree with WWK (particularly point C)....boost your self esteem,surround yourself with positive people.

I recently changed my car,painted my bedroom,did some supervising at work. Couldn't have done any of this 18 months ago but now have to praise myself. Its VERY hard,if impossible to come back (I know I will never be the same,) but I have much closer bond with DS & have found an inner strength.

KOKO ladies,you will get there.

Lol she was a bitch..!not a friend clearly!!!!

Izzie.........we all elected Iwas' husband for you......

Good Evening ladies,de-lurking to say how great & supportive you are.

You got that wrong Zebra!

I have to say, that at least I have never clapped eyes on the unstable bitch who the ex is with. The friend and twat thing doesn't bear thinking about.

Hello again, Zebra - my favourite florist, you and I share a complete inability to type with accuracy! You've made me laugh, yet again...

My c) should have been "you are just mighty fine...

But thanks for joining in and sharing your story. And well done for doing new stuff!

Izzie you taking me on? Really? Really? I shall start a thread...I shall imaginatively call it...

Dear Izzie...

Zebraface...sometimes words fail me. I am so sorry you have had to go through this ordeal. OW's are clearly a different breed. The one who wrecked my marriage is just vile beyond belief. Don't get me started...!

WWK I wouldn't mess with you, mate, I know when I'm beaten wonder if mr iwas is into that omg

WWK chill! we can all share Sid. He is apparently very attentive.....have you just spat out your drink?? just thought of something else FFS yuk! And I haven't even been drinking

I'm just pouring you an izzietini.

Did you see Font's post last night, a woman jealous cos her ex had met someone else? Classic line she came up with...I'll go search for it now

MrsC - I agree - I could never do what the OW do - my ex had 3 affairs and 1 of them was with the child minder who was looking after our 3 year old DS at the time - what on earth did she think she was doing? I don't know how people can pretend to be your friend and do that to you - it just seems unbelievable.

The latest one who they both insist was nothing going on - they were just good friends now wants nothing to do with him at the moment. If you are his friend and you can see the upset it is causing his family, wouldn't you stop and say something? Isn't that what good friends are supposed to do?

Here it is: Font did a long post offering advice. Then this. First talking is the OP|

Thanks for taking the time to reply He's not actually seeing this woman anymore - he said it was just for a couple of weeks and not seen her for a month or so now. Sorry if i wasn't clear

I couldn't give a shit if he's seeing her or not.

You were begging for replies and I'm half pissed so I thought I'd oblige.

Nor I you, Izzie.

You're way too smart for me, WWK

By the way, I didn't say anything about your replies to the emails because of your posts after that. But OMG the actual replies, another classic.

Do you speak to AnyFucker?

Link Izzie, link it...you gotta keep on top of your IT skills or they fade to shite.

Strong that is just hideous to read, so God knows what that does to your self-esteem. In my case there is no single OW, more a multiple of...I had no idea until I started getting some disclosure. It's very hard to live with, but I married that disgusting human being, so I have to live with that knowledge.

The thing I will always be grateful for is that I've always been quite an insightful and intelligent person - but, and something I don't like about myself: I've not always been sensitive to other's feelings or situations as I could have been. I won't give MrSW credit for the fact that, going forward, I will be much more sensitive to other's feelings. Because I have been so utterly burnt and hurt; and damaged by his insensitivity to mine, it's a case of out of the fire, I fly...

So it doesn't have to be all bad news, does it?

But I will never, ever, ever in my life engage myself in someone else's marriage. Not in a million years. You read it here first. No 'man' is worth it - because if they are that 'man', their values are way too different from mine.

I will live happily ever after smelling of cat's piss if that is the alternative.

Never spoken to AF directly, ever. AF thinks I'm a troll anyway.

Occasionally we've been on the same threads. Once made myself the pariah of MN during AF-gate a while back. Whilst I admire the woman, and I genuinely do, I did propose a 'compromise'. Apparently 99% of MN does not do compromise...

Of course it doesn't always have to be bad news - I just feel an idiot for putting up with him so long but it seems I am not the only one. It seems once they cheat, they normally go on to cheat again.

He has a child from his first affair and even that wasn't enough to make me leave him for good.

So the first affair resulted in his DD, the second was with someone he worked with and who we both knew and the third was with our child minder.

Anyway onwards and upwards - I actually went shopping for me today - got a new type of perfume and am going to start wearing make up - life starts here! 15 years after his first affair.

AF I know a bit of her history. It's the way she pops up with the one liner that sums up the situation. I will have to piece the rest of that together.

We are going to have a takeaway tonight. Crispy atomic duck. As my youngest used to say.

Linking, umm....you put instructions on this thread for Hobbit. Oh FFS moothah, ok see what I can do laters..

Ydhe hdgegs jdheg kdheg sbwfzf oensg.....still a linguist though, huh!

Strong....I understand. You don't realise how the time creeps up on things like that. And you're too busy living with it to stand back and analyse. And very positive to start thinking about yourself too. I look forward to the day when I start taking more care about my appearance. I do wear make up etc, case of having to haha. But I do look pretty shite at the moment. I'm looking forward to buying some new clothes once I'm ready to start going out more.