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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Still finding it hard to move on......

972 replies

Hobbitwife001 · 28/01/2015 20:05

Hello everyone, this is a continuation of my previous thread, so a big welcome to everyone who participated on that one, and hello to anyone new who would like to join in this one.

A little recap of my story, my husband of 27 years left four months ago for another woman that I considered a friend. We live in a small village, and he has moved in with her and her son around the corner from the family home.

I have two sons at home with me, they are 23 and 19, the youngest has Asperger's syndrome and dyspraxia.

I am having counselling to help me get over the massive shock of his betrayal, for months I couldn't sleep or eat very much and started to suffer panic attacks and anxiety.

At the moment I am at the nisi stage of our divorce, I have petitioned for unreasonable behaviour. I am now trying to get the best settlement I can before I apply for the absolute. Needless to say, he is trying not to provide any provision for my youngest son, and has put forward a 50/50 proposal for division of the assets.

So, let's carry on ladies shall we?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
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Original poster
Hobbitwife001 · 06/02/2015 11:43

Of course he can't do the washing Green, that's your job! Ha ha, what a dickhead, is he going to do that whenever clean clothes are needed for the foreseeable future? As he is so 'good with money' that should be a fine and dandy way to manage.
God, I just feel so angry and ranty today, not just at my twunt, but all of them, they are all so inconsiderate and entitled, and just plain cruel and insensitive. My ex changed some lightbulbs that were out yesterday when he came to collect his mail, ( I was as work, he knows not to come when I am here)- you would think he was Mother Theresa! I didn't ask him to, so am not going to be grateful.
He thinks I should be, as if that negates all the shit and distress he has put me through, and is still putting me through via financials.
They have both shit on me from a great height, and no amount of household maintenance will make up for that.
He can't understand why I am still so angry and upset, Arghhhhh! I wish I had beaten him to a pulp when I had the chance, instead of acting so calmly.
I'll never get the chance now, oh well, I think I will take up kick boxing just in case the occasion presents itself.
How ya doin' today everyone?

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Original poster
Hobbitwife001 · 06/02/2015 13:10

Just been laughing for about half an hour at the Kat Mc Snatch song, oldgrandmama posted on WWK s thread, so rude but so funny.
I think we all need to sing along!

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Original poster
Hobbitwife001 · 06/02/2015 13:25

Also, the one with fraudulent in the title, quite apt in my particular case,
Well who knew? As one lady might phrase it:)

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WellWhoKnew · 06/02/2015 14:38

SHL is also in a very ranty mood, I know this because she told me so, when we spoke first thing.

She has roared at the other side.

It is a long email, which decrees that MrSW ceases sending vitriolic emails, and that he starts to co-operate with the outstanding court orders, rather than interfering with the very few that I have to comply with.

Oldgrandmama's vid is fabulous isn't it!

Oh, you will get the chance Hobbit, it's just a matter of finding the best time. You store up that rage, my dear.

Original poster
Hobbitwife001 · 06/02/2015 16:11

She is SHL, hear her ROAR!
Tee Hee, he is a stoopid twunt ain't he?
But more importantly, how are you? Stress on top of stress isn't good for you, i knows this, WWK, is this more ammunition for the Armageddon plan, or just some rogue incoming missiles on the second front?

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WellWhoKnew · 06/02/2015 16:16

Let's put it this way, Hobbit - whenever things get a bit too much, I suddenly have manic cleaning fits. My house is freaking immaculate. The letter is a good 'un so I'm happy she's taken over the this matter, so give me a break.

I'm not sure whether it'll go before the judge as yet, that's a decision for another day, but we just have to deal with this week's fuckwittery and not plan too far ahead.

I have also fallen out with my new desk, which I had delivered this week, because it refused to build itself and it refused to follow the fucking instructions. I do, however, now have a marvellous work of structural art in my office.

So, not all bad this side, thanks.

Original poster
Hobbitwife001 · 06/02/2015 16:17

I have a special rage compartment just for Lycra clad knobheads and knobheadesses, obviously it's very small as they have exercised themselves into twig like dimensions, and soundproof so you can't hear them twatting on about cycling all the bastard time, boring, boring boriinnnngggg......

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Original poster
Hobbitwife001 · 06/02/2015 16:22

Installation pieces are very now dahlink, trust you to be ahead of the game style wise! Is there not a ' man who can ' locally, if not you can always hang your coat on it:)

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greenberet · 06/02/2015 16:30

hi hobbit - the anger is what propels us forward - its because we know we are being unfairly treated and its our way of putting things right - first day been out the house today (apart from dog walking) and decided to put my ring on - why? cos i like it and diamonds should not be kept in a drawer and because it says i'm bloody worth it!
see without this anger we'd all just be a quivering wreck!

greenberet · 06/02/2015 16:33

lol you two well & hobbit - where are you - I fancy a day trip when I can get driving again!

Original poster
Hobbitwife001 · 06/02/2015 16:39

Hi Green, Llanfairpwllarsendofnowhere, you're welcome to come for a visit, bring your wellies, and a bottle of gin, and lets party!:)

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greenberet · 06/02/2015 16:56

no idea where that is but sounds just what I need Grin

greenberet · 06/02/2015 17:00

and what is it with lightbulbs - when one goes they all go - no chance of my DH changing them though - hardly did it when he was here - I am actually wondering what he did do

WellWhoKnew · 06/02/2015 17:17

Other side of the mountain from Hobbit in Llanlladyllostlloserdontchaknow.

Man, shman. I like my installation art!

Original poster
Hobbitwife001 · 06/02/2015 17:17

Hurray, Green, you're off the sofa and back in the game, glad to know you're feeling better, Ive been concerned as I had the same procedure done, I hope it's not too long until you get the results, I think it was 2 weeks I had to wait, torture. Why not wear your diamonds? Wear them on another finger.
Take care of yourself and your family, xx

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Original poster
Hobbitwife001 · 06/02/2015 17:34

But it's not too good for writing on is it, WWK? How you gonna crack out your bestseller? On a slate?
That sounds very Dylan Thomas doesn't it, I hear he liked a drink as well, maybe not a good comparison, he liked it too much. Anyway, you're more a Kathy Lette, or a Helen Fielding, or a Jane Austen.

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Original poster
Hobbitwife001 · 06/02/2015 17:38

Going to the gym now, (she says nonchalantly,not holier than thou at all) :)

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Original poster
Hobbitwife001 · 06/02/2015 17:42

I think I need to stop posting random crap on my thread, it will be full up again, and I'll have to do another one! 443 posts already!
I would like to follow us all through to the conclusion of our stories if at all possible , then we can have a party, xx

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Fontella · 06/02/2015 17:59

I have also fallen out with my new desk, which I had delivered this week, because it refused to build itself and it refused to follow the fucking instructions. I do, however, now have a marvellous work of structural art in my office.

Hahaha!

What memories this doth stir.

I remember buying a 'desk' for my daughter's bedroom in the months after I left ex. Bear in mind I had fuck all when I left him and pretty much had to start from scratch. 'Poor' would be a very good description of how we were and still are to some extent living back then.

Anyway I bought this little cheapy desk effort which looked like a cross between a dresser/dressing table/desk type thing (I wanted it to serve as all three) - a column of drawers and then the desk bit. I bought it flatpack in Ikea or somewhere like that (and bloody hideous it was too when I look back, I don't think I was quite right yet after the carnage of the break up with ex -because normally I've got good taste).

I got this thing home - and could I put the fucker together ... could I hell?
I was there for hours, days even, at one point I had to stop myself from hurling the whole lot out of the window.

I had bits here and there and upside down and back to front ... well in the end I did put it together and yes, it did resemble a desk, but not a desk as we know it. It was completely skewiff, with a rakish tilt to the desktop so if you laid on a pen on it it would roll over and over to the other end and fall off. The higgledy-piggledy column of drawers (none of which closed properly) propped it up at one end while at the other end the legs and other bits were all splayed out at odd angles. And it was so tiny. I couldn't get over how tiny it was, which I certainly hadn't realised when I bought it, which shows you how out of it I was. It wasn't normal sized but miniature like it belonged in a Hobbit House.

And it couldn't stand up its own. It was so wonky and precariously held together .. that I had to screw the fucker into the wall with great long screws, where it remained for many years, until now teenage daughter decided to redecorate. Off to the tip it went taking half the sodding wall plaster with it!

Confused
Original poster
Hobbitwife001 · 06/02/2015 18:29

Wot? In my house? I wouldn't have it in my house, I'm posh me:)

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Original poster
Hobbitwife001 · 06/02/2015 18:30

Although I am hobbit sized :)

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Izzie595 · 06/02/2015 19:08

1001+ things twunts say during the process of fuckwittery"

Greenberet - DH after spending £80 on a christmas tree - when I asked how he could justify it! -" I am good with money"

Izzie - text from ex - "I will respond to the officious email you sent late last night this morning.".......the officious email was sent at 8.15pm

Izzie - see above. When asked why I hadn't received a reply "this morning", he replied :
"I will reply when I am ready - this morning clearly means I will reply as soon as I can."

Izzie595 · 06/02/2015 19:31

Hi all, will catch up on thread once have made my own dinner Sad

Meantime......www.youtube.com/watch?v=JYZNSyP9v9M

TabbyTortie · 06/02/2015 20:22

To all of you whose STBXs think they get to decide what happens in the divorce, who think they can lie about you to the judge, who think they can sweet talk and manipulate the judge, who think they can play the system, who think the law doesn't apply to them, who think they can pretend to be unemployed and dream up mystery illnesses.

The judge doesn't care what they say. He isn't interested. He only cares about evidence and the law. If they don't have evidence and they try to make a mockery of the law he comes down on them very hard.

Keep going you will get your justice in the end.

Yes my court hearing went well. Final hearing to come in April then it will all be over.

WellWhoKnew · 06/02/2015 20:25

Well done, Tabby, really well done. A trauma to get through, but you've done it. Take a few days to get some serious sleep in the bank and do your best to relax. I know you'll get an 'adrenaline crash' so just sleep it away for a few days. But again, really well done. xx