Still finding it hard to move on......

[Hobbitwife001]

Hello everyone, this is a continuation of my previous thread, so a big welcome to everyone who participated on that one, and hello to anyone new who would like to join in this one.

A little recap of my story, my husband of 27 years left four months ago for another woman that I considered a friend. We live in a small village, and he has moved in with her and her son around the corner from the family home.

I have two sons at home with me, they are 23 and 19, the youngest has Asperger's syndrome and dyspraxia.

I am having counselling to help me get over the massive shock of his betrayal, for months I couldn't sleep or eat very much and started to suffer panic attacks and anxiety.

At the moment I am at the nisi stage of our divorce, I have petitioned for unreasonable behaviour. I am now trying to get the best settlement I can before I apply for the absolute. Needless to say, he is trying not to provide any provision for my youngest son, and has put forward a 50/50 proposal for division of the assets.

So, let's carry on ladies shall we?

Yes Hobbit he is a very angry man, which I think we all worked out last night, but now shs has decided it's best if we all get dragged back to court!

I'm seeing SHL tomorrow so hopefully she'll have some good ideas. It's just a load of nonsense, and just another example of him using the justice system to carry on his abusive behaviour. It ends.

Nos dda all, that Izzietini was strong stuff, it's knocked me out , hopefully! :)

I wish my DS had been an adult when we split or maybe a young child although it would have been hard to hand him over and at least I don't have many years left before DS is responsible for himself and I get complete freedom from my ex. I do wonder if he is at the very worse age he seems so easily manipulated in believing all the nasty things his dad says about me.

After I particularly difficult evening I am holding onto some advice from my DSis a while ago. She said when you get near the end of this divorce he will stop a nothing to prevent it and that includes getting at you through DS and maybe even trying to take him away from you. When that happens you must stand your ground, don't give in, press on with the divorce. That's started to happen this week. I am standing my ground. I am pressing on with the divorce.

Well done Tabby, it's good you were forewarned, and you are holding firm. It will be worth it in the end. Your DS will of course be able to make his own mind up about things in the next few years. A man I know was in a similar situation with a very controlling ex. She used to stop his kids seeing him at every opportunity she could, generally blaming the kids for not doing something or the other. Now that the kids are older, they are able to stand up for themselves. He's a lovely man, she is a total bitch. I don't have contact with him now, but I've no doubt that he sees a lot more of his kids now they are....I think both in 6th form.

Family sorry sweetheart, I can relate to that feeling. Thank you yes for someone who claims he doesn't want to rub my nose in it he certainly likes going on about OW. I hope you manage to get some sleep tonight.

Hobbit hope you are feeling okay today after the nisi yesterday.

Drifting personally I think you are making the right decision in continuing with proceedings. If she is serious about reconciliation and you want to consider that possibility then you can still do so. If she is totally sincere then it will focus her mind on the fact that you are in the process of divorce and the reasons why you are in that situation. Look after yourself.

WWK sorry he is still being a total arse, although I expect you weren't surprised! Good luck with SHL tomorrow. Your email responses last night were brilliant. Oldgrandmama's video on your thread was funny although I expect even Font would blush at the language!

Izzie sorry you've had stress today. It doesn't hurt to get him onside if it gets you what you want. You can still call him a twunt on here! You will get your car soon I hope.

Green sorry to hear he lied about his move to you, but yes he is a coward and you don't want one of those. Hope you are feeling okay and thanks for the song. KOKO.

Tabby sorry about your stress levels. It's so much worse when you can't sleep and your stomach is either in knots so you can't eat or you just don't want to. If it helps I have eaten today - Parma ham, chocolate biscuits, an entire multi pack of Mini Cheddars, a Chocolate Buttons Easter Egg, Chocolate Buttons and a bag of crisps. Proper breakfast, lunch or tea - no chance. Good luck with the FDR.

Mrs C sorry you are having awful problems. It must be very hard to go through all of this with a nearly 4 year old. Hope you feel much better tomorrow and have a good sleep.

Sorry I seem to have occupied a bit too much of the thread tonight. Off to bed now, I'll shut up tomorrow I hope Thanks for all your support, sleep well x

Iwas, we like you on this thread. Hobbit, very fittingly for such a generous and sociable person, has an open thread.

I'm possibly looking at a car tomorrow. He's doing the phoning etc. now, that sort of control is fine by me

What I want to know iwas is where you are getting these Easter eggs from......

Catch up with all tomorrow. Hope all of you can get some sleep. According to my eldest, I look like I need some. He's such a truthful boy

I just replied. Uh oh. I can dish out the 'detach' advice all day long but can't take it!

WWK I am sorry he's being so awful. I know it must be scary but remember you had the advice of SHL whereas I assume he is winging it?

I just replied. Uh oh. I can dish out the 'detach' advice all day long but can't take it!

Snap!

No, Family he has his very own legal team. Allegedly, and what I was led to believe was that he currently is not allow to use them except to make settlement offers and submit the undisclosed documents. So getting a nasty letter today from the other side has been a bit of a surprise.

And you Izzie I got my eye on you too:

You all know I'm in this mess because I reacted folks (I didn't even swear FFS!) so I am your blundering fool that is not only a hypercrite but also your word of warning.

Be warned.

Damn - that's two words.

Right I am your two words of warning!!

Swiss roll, soup and a yoghurt is all I have eaten today. Iwas your H is so manipulative. He destroyed your world, broke your heart, now expects you to organise OWs social life with your DD? Does he think you are his PA now? I would tell him that I don't care if DD never meets OW he can sort out his own issues with DD and leave me out of it. How cruel to expect you to be involved in any way.

Oh, Tabby you are supposed to eat really well as you'll need your stamina tomorrow. Take lots of nuts, small amount of chocciee, grapes, mini-sandwiches, flask of lush soup, and other pic-nic type food. You'll need it as it'll go on all day...

I feel like everyone's mother at the mo...

I thought I had read that he wasn't allowed solicitors so got confused. How stressful for you. I once swore down the phone at him and it's been used against me once or twice. It's ridiculous after what they've done.

One day we will look back on this and laugh.... She says and hopes xx

Me too, Family! I am equally as baffled as to why his solicitor can take his instructions and act on them, I really cannot explain it!

I didn't swear and I got legal advice to before I took the action I took so the fact that I'm in a lot of bother is astonishing...

It was funny last night. Not so funny tonight...

Might be amusing tomorrow though.

I think I will need a bigger bag! No appetite though. Thank you. You have helped talk me down from a bit of a panic tonight. I shall now attempt sleep.

Has your side given you advice about how to proceed? I know what you mean about sometimes you can see the funny yet dreadful side and then sometimes it's just plain dreadful!

Tomorrow Family, the SHL was in court all day today, so I'm meeting with her tomorrow.

At least you'll get some answers then. Doesn't help now though does it. can you get a DVD on the go and see if you could doze off to that?

I'm still wide awake. Can't believe the audacity of him. Still feel good about replying but that may change when I get the next blast. It just all builds up I find - I can't always be perfect and reply business like because sometimes what he is saying is like a knife through my heart. Can't be business like about that!

I hope you find some peace and get a bit of sleep before tomorrow. She will know what to do.

I feel like everyone's mother at the mo... WWK

You ARE

I'm so sorry that you are having your head messed [ you know what I mean] with by that bastard. I hope he ends up spending most of his settlement on unnecessary legal bills and meeting your costs. Disgusting piece of shite. And I hope he recognises you for the woman you were when he first met you. He certainly should do by now!i wouldn't mess with you, mate!! Compliment

Your warning to me and others. I will post about that tonight. I'm aware of what the other side is capable of, shall we say.

Hope all have a reasonable day in the circumstances. I'm off to work shortly. Hope to catch you all in Hobbit's Bar later. Izzietinis on me

hi all - sorry I missed you - WWK, family & tabby- you all sound like you are going through tough times - i guess this is whats next for me -best heed your advice WWK - say no more! - perhaps I need to pm you or make that phone call.
yes mothers tell us how to behave - but they also look out for us when noone else is and are full of wise words - so thank you for that even more so because things are so difficult for you too.

why are you lot not taking anything to help you sleep - i couldnt get through this without my sleep - i cant function very well under normal conditions without sleep never mind having to deal with this too. sometimes still struggle but more often than not i do sleep.

iwas im going to pm you

izzie good luck with car - im hoping to get out today - may have to use a bus - what a novelty!:-)

this will make you all laugh - so despite being told i must move on & let go so far I have been asked for DD tight & pant make & size & this morning can i text address for DD dentist -no i verbally told you where - but i must text address - er what am I your secretary?

have a good day everyone if you can -x

I must say i did think you could use these fancy iphone things to look up an address but apparently not - you need a human!
best be careful today - I am in one of those moods - does it count if you say F OFF in a naice voice

izzie - something you said earlier too about comments or remarks - i think we should start a book - perhaps we could call it "1001+ things twunts say during the process of fuckwittery"
Ill start - DH after spending £80 on a christmas tree - when I asked how he could justify it! -" I am good with money"

Things twunts say during the process of fuckwittery

"I am taking you to court..."

Spoken to SHL apparently they are both in contempt (phew!) so she's inviting them to take me to court (not phew!) but it's all bluster, I think.

"what make & size are DD's pants and tights?"

when DD had no clean underwear as T hadn't done the washing - can he not read a label -as if buying more solves the problem - he runs a company FFS!