Still finding it hard to move on......

[Hobbitwife001]

Hello everyone, this is a continuation of my previous thread, so a big welcome to everyone who participated on that one, and hello to anyone new who would like to join in this one.

A little recap of my story, my husband of 27 years left four months ago for another woman that I considered a friend. We live in a small village, and he has moved in with her and her son around the corner from the family home.

I have two sons at home with me, they are 23 and 19, the youngest has Asperger's syndrome and dyspraxia.

I am having counselling to help me get over the massive shock of his betrayal, for months I couldn't sleep or eat very much and started to suffer panic attacks and anxiety.

At the moment I am at the nisi stage of our divorce, I have petitioned for unreasonable behaviour. I am now trying to get the best settlement I can before I apply for the absolute. Needless to say, he is trying not to provide any provision for my youngest son, and has put forward a 50/50 proposal for division of the assets.

So, let's carry on ladies shall we?

u really are a remarkable bunch of women (and gent), and when I see some of things you are all having to cope with, it makes me feel a little ashamed that I've allowed my current issues to overwhelm me like they did yesterday.

How very dare you, as Hobbit would say. I've read your back story, Font, give yourself a break and some credit. Would do flowers and booze pic but no time to figure it out on my phone x

[[//wine][]
grin

Shit!

lol izzie - everytime you get me!

i have just worked out why my head has been in such a shit place the last couple of days and why I feel i am drowning- its not the divorce stuff or the bc because I was coping with this fine up until last week. what has changed is DH is coming to the house every day to collect kids for school and bring them home. even if I dont see him its knowing this. - This is what has thrown me off balance - my gut reaction is that he is a threat to me and cannot be trusted but I am having to deal with him every day mentally if not physically - no wonder i cant switch off - my body is in fight or flight mode the whole time in readyness! I cant remember who said something similar in one of their posts - think it was you family - about having contact with DH.

Now i know what it is i need to try & contain it ( have learnt all this through my course) but the reason we have the gut instinct is to protect us from what we perceive as danger so now to try & put into practise some of what I am learning! - thats the hard bit!

Green safely on ipad now! Your last post, yep yep yep. Anytime he says he's going to come round you'd think he was coming round with the heavy mob, by my initial reaction! It's ok if I've said he needs to come round though.

Funny story, I was doing my ducks in a row thing a few months back, photocopying any piece of paper that looked remotely useful, took them all round my brother's, then asked him to bring them back just before Xmas, figuring I wouldn't get a visit from Twat over the festive period, so could sort them out. Wrong! Twat texted on Boxing Day asking if he could come over for a while. That's another story, but agreed. Then suddenly remembered I had boxes of papers in the car boot, which possibly were visible. So there was a Benny Hill type scenario with me and the kids desperately running around trying to find hiding places for the stuff before he arrived.

LOL Izzie too - you've even managed to make it link somehow to a blank page, I am impressed.

Green Can you take them to school? Would you want to? Is this a permanent thing or is it just to give you some 'respite' whilst you're recovering from Op? You do need to know you're getting a break from him soon. Living in a state of hyper-awareness is very unhealthy.

I don't know how some of you cope with the constant lack of sleep. Fortunately I've only had five total all nighters, but other than that my trouble is about waking up.

Hobbit I've been thinking about the question of the emails popping up when not wanted. Do you have a separate email account for stuff between you and fuckface? If not, set one up. And don't connect that one to the ipad or phone. I'm assuming you have a fixed PC or a laptop for the kids. So why not just use that to check for fuckface emails at whatever intervals you feel appropriate. I'm going to do that for the Twat emails. I use a separate email address, although linked to one of the other emails. I'm sure I can set it up to do what I've suggested to you. If not, sod it, I will open another one with a different provider. That will make him very happy because he can then send a snotty email about the frequent changes of email address. Clearly a sign of me being deranged, and him an arrogant,spiteful little man with delusions of grandeur. That would explain the reason for the humungously expensive car he is thinking of getting.

WWK hope you are feeling brighter today. It seems so from your own thread.

I was in bed and asleep by 9.20 last night. I could have gone up a lot earlier. Twice the kids found me sitting at the table, head slumped on the ipad.

Drifting I assume you are still checking in. Hope all it's well with you, you know what I mean.

Why hope you are OK after the anti climax

And best wishes to everyone else.

WWK I am a woman of many talents. None of them very worthwhile!

<a class="break-all" href="http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?imgurl=3.bp.blogspot.com/-b21XXEMUOOE/T79zTVmwnQI/AAAAAAAAAb4/qQZoXTEFifw/s1600/Harvey-021-450x300.png&imgrefurl=www.houndhead.com/2012/05/fictional-dog-of-week-18-harvey.html&h=300&w=450&tbnid=YcNIRIOWzohlmM:&zoom=1&docid=BflVXkgQMZwoKM&hl=en-gb&ei=01zSVMWOJeS07gbar4CICg&tbm=isch&client=safari&ved=0CB4QMygAMAA" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">www.google.co.uk/imgres?imgurl=3.bp.blogspot.com/-b21XXEMUOOE/T79zTVmwnQI/AAAAAAAAAb4/qQZoXTEFifw/s1600/Harvey-021-450x300.png&imgrefurl=www.houndhead.com/2012/05/fictional-dog-of-week-18-harvey.html&h=300&w=450&tbnid=YcNIRIOWzohlmM:&zoom=1&docid=BflVXkgQMZwoKM&hl=en-gb&ei=01zSVMWOJeS07gbar4CICg&tbm=isch&client=safari&ved=0CB4QMygAMAA

Aw, clearly my talents don't extend to pasting a pic on here.

Now this is a man with talents in abundance.

Hi, back from work, picked my son up from the station, had ready meal and crisps, ready for anything, (well, not anything) but you know wot I mean don't cha?
Feel low again today, my nisi was read out in court today, wasn't there of course, but just knowing it was happening was a bit of a headfuck tbh, on top of the lack of sleep last night, had a bit of a weep. It just brings it home that this has really happened to me and my sons, there is no going back now,not that there ever was, I would never have him back, the idea makes my skin crawl. I feel he is trying to rush me on the financials front as well, that was what the email was about last night, it's like he can't wait to get rid of us and that hurts like hell.
Well he can just fuck off on that front, I can just about choose what socks to wear at the moment, never mind agree to a binding financial agreement.
He isn't being nasty(yet) but I get anxious just at the thought of him contacting me or coming to the house. That's why you feel that way Green, it's as WWK* says, you are in a state of hyper awareness that he is going to come to the house, I do and I make sure I'm out when he does.
Thank you so much Fontella and Green for the pm's, they are very much appreciated.

Well - its just whilst recovering from op so hopefully just to end of next week then its half term.

I am amazed that since I have realised what the issue was most of the acute anxiousness has lifted - for the last few days I have been bursting into tears at everything & anything & couldnt work out what was going on with my head - just goes to show you how we need to listen to our bodies more. i know my reserves are low but I just knew something else was bothering me! and am actually quite shocked at the effect just this seemingly simple thing had on me.

Hey Hobbit, it's a sad day nonetheless. A day for "if only's". I didn't attend either, of course. Someone once wrote on my thread, very accurately, that at some point you realise you miss the marriage but you don't miss the man.

For me, that was how I looked on Nisi day in late September. It's a recognition that the man you thought you were married is not the man you are divorcing. It's a 'half way' point when you acknowledge that you are still legally bound to an unfeeling, callous, self-centred and utterly dislikeable individual but you can mourn the marriage nonetheless because it IS a loss to you and to your sons.

Take care. Do whatever it is you need to do in the coming weeks to KOKO.

Izzie it's one of those days when I just know it's all going to kick off later rather spectacularly so I'm enjoying the moment 'in the sun' whilst it lasts.

I also have no idea how to do pictures. Must try soon as I have a very fetching VooDoo doll I'd like to show off.

Hi hobbit - im sure ill feel exactly the same as you when i get there - head perhaps not as sorted as i thought cos the thought of "how did we get here" has just made me blub FFS! even though we're living every minute of it its almost as if its happening and Im just watching from the side. one thing im conscious of is even though I havent been wearing my wedding rings for months I had been wearing my eternity ring as wore it on a different finger but had to take it off for my op and Im not sure if i will put it back on - i have thought of selling all the rings and buying myself a "divorce" ring instead!

where is iwas are u ok - will check out your thread!

lol if nothing else we will all have gained some computer skills - izzie im perservering!

Ooooh, WWK, I love that you too do voodoo, I have a knitted one that one of my friends in the WI gave me, ( we know how to have a good time in our village :) ) unfortunately, I have inflicted various serious injuries on said Mr Lycra cock voodoo doll and to no avail! The fucker is still breathing!
Maybe I'm doing it wrong, (needs to look up voodoo rituals on Google) he's got the stupid shorts on and everything:)

Green as ever, we have crossposted! It's great when you work out what's bothering you. It's an awful reminder, every time, you get sight of them/hear from them/know they are in the proximity, that these men are very much alive and well, and are choosing to do this to you for no other reason than they can.

Of course, your reserves are low. So although you haven't said "I've felt so silly" if you are saying that to yourself, please, take it from my Dr. Friend, and me!, it is normal to burst into tears every two minutes when you're recovering after a distressing event. In your case, two very distressing events.

Perked up a bit now, life's too short and all that malarkey, how's everyone tonight?

But how do you stop it bothering you WWK ?
That's the question?

well - thanks - im not - but was beginning to wonder! I just have to keep believing that karma will take care of it - hopefully for all of us when we have long forgotten all about this and one day we'll be able to say there it is!
hobbit you are right we've still got plenty of life left in us yet - this was just a practice for the real thing! blimey - who said that!

Yes Green, I still,have a prominent mark on my ring finger from my rings, obviously they have been on there a long time, I still go to twiddle them once in a while, that's a good idea about a divorce ring, think I might do that when its all done and dusted, xx

dont think you can hobbit - but eventually it will - maybe if you can recognise it and accept that it is ok to feel like this that's all you can do - personally I have to go through this to know I'm real - if i could get over it in 5 minutes don't think it would say much about me - I know that when I'm finished it will be done with - there will be no revisiting this part of my life somewhere down the line because i didn't face up to what was going on now

- I know that when I'm finished it will be done with - there will be no revisiting this part of my life somewhere down the line because i didn't face up to what was going on now

Absolutely, Green, you have to do the pain if you are to heal

But I've had enough pain, I don't want any more, like WWK said, I don't mourn the man, I mourn the marriage, but he still has the power to hurt me, and I want to take that power from him, :(

Sorry, I'm just tired and a little woe is me tonight, it's not a good day for me.