Still finding it hard to move on......

[Hobbitwife001]

Hello everyone, this is a continuation of my previous thread, so a big welcome to everyone who participated on that one, and hello to anyone new who would like to join in this one.

A little recap of my story, my husband of 27 years left four months ago for another woman that I considered a friend. We live in a small village, and he has moved in with her and her son around the corner from the family home.

I have two sons at home with me, they are 23 and 19, the youngest has Asperger's syndrome and dyspraxia.

I am having counselling to help me get over the massive shock of his betrayal, for months I couldn't sleep or eat very much and started to suffer panic attacks and anxiety.

At the moment I am at the nisi stage of our divorce, I have petitioned for unreasonable behaviour. I am now trying to get the best settlement I can before I apply for the absolute. Needless to say, he is trying not to provide any provision for my youngest son, and has put forward a 50/50 proposal for division of the assets.

So, let's carry on ladies shall we?

Wine and Cream Soda?

I've drunk some shite drinks in my time .. but wine and cream soda?

Yeah, that sounds minging doesn't it?, and that comes from someone who's drunk whiskey and cherryade. :) any port in a storm eh! Ooh, I do like a drop of port.....

I'm trying to think of some of the weird and wonderful concoctions I've drunk, raiding the cupboards for dregs of booze when I've been thirsty gagging ... but even I'd have to draw the line at wine and cream soda.

Advocaat and creme de menthe, ha ha , bet you can't beat that one Font!

No but I got sick as a dog one Christmas Eve when I was about 12 drinking my dad's Pale Ale (they got a crate in at Christmas and me and my sister knicked a few bottles) and eating cream crackers of all things. Why cream fucking crackers I have no idea. We were quite poor so maybe there wasn't anything else.

Anyway, I never saw Christmas Day as I was too busy throwing up beery crackery puke.

Oh, what a lovely picture you paint :) i think I've vommed through every spirit known to man, you name it, I've vomited it on someone or something, I'm not very good at drinking, I don't know why I keep at it...

I think you and me have something in common Hobbit.

We both hail from God's own country I believe?

Hen Wlad Fy Nhadau

We are the chosen ones! Cymru am byth!
Gonna try and get some kip now, but probably won't as had an email from fuckface re financials before, and now I'm all knotted up inside:(

Back from quiz too. Came second, which was a surprise as the clever clogs in our group are all away.

For revolting drinks, try custard vodka. It was very custardy but not in a good way.

Lowest point [many years ago] mouldy orange juice and I think it was, nope, can't remember but it may have been brandy. It was a good night as far as I know.

It was a terrible morning.

Talking of mornings, it reminds me that the mouldy foul custard bastard is going to be slimy and stodgy for days. The FYI folder is bulging ready for SHL, whom I may or may not be seeing at any time in the future. Incoming vomit all over the place. I just dumped them all in the FYI folder as soon as I got through the first email...

decreeing I make an appointment with my SHL soon. .

It's going to be a very, long, dry February, isn't it?

I know, I should be trying to sleep but I've had an awful day - not relationship related - but just other stuff going on.

I need to try and rest but my mind is all over the shop. Hope you have more luck than me at getting some kip.

We are indeed the chosen ones! Six Nations starts Friday!

Noswaith dda Hobbit!

Nos dda, Font and WWK:)

Nos dda, all. Six Nations Friday - something to look forward to now Tennis is gone.

Take care Font hope things improve rapidly.

Oh, fuck it I'm back again, one pesky email from the twunt and I'm in knots, head full of crap, what ifs and buts, sleep evades me yet again. God, I hate him for doing this to me, I'm sick of analysing the last six months of hurt, annoyed at myself for letting him affect me so easily.

Huh! You too.

I hate yours too. It's real mind frenzy of shite isn't it. The good news is that each cycle gets shorter and shorter over time - and it's been quite some time since you last got an email.

Remember they are just 'ideas' not facts so they can say what they want but it don't mean it's gonna work that way. You got bestie.

Yeah, I know that's true, but this is just after one email, my heads gonna explode when I have to get in deeper, I think I'll take me self off to a nunnery, are they allowed gin? If not you have to smuggle me some in under your wimple!

No it won't explode. The problem with emails is they are drip, drip, drip - dealing with one or two issues, or just a 'wish list' of how they want [decree] things to be. Which is the 'lowest starting point for you', not the finishing point.

When it comes to dealing with him, you'll have your own wish list, perhaps a mediator, and you'll discover a business head as well. When you're ready doing it face to face means you can cover a wide range of topics very quickly. Email just has you panicking about one or two issues and because it's one-way, leaves your brain in mush.

If you can, leave the email for a week or two before you respond, or forward it to bestie for her consideration - that way you'll know it's in safe hands, with someone to think for you.

Remember you're in no rush right now to resolve things. He wants them resolving, he can take his sorry ass off the saddle and do something about it.

No nunnery for you. I have been pissed in a nunnery. Not on gin though.

Yes, I'm seeing her on Saturday, but she wants no contact at all, just a mediator, I don't know, it's such a minefield, and you know all about those, gonna try sleep now, catch up tomorrow. X

We both hail from God's own country I believe?

Bloody hell, I'm surrounded!
My dad was evacuated there. Does that make me an honorary one?
And I do like Gavin & Stacey

Hobbit thinking of you.

I'm happily feeling superior against the Entitled One. He now Needs something from me, spare key to second home, as he has to send his to roofer. He can need all he likes, same as all the stuff I have needed, eg access to insurances etc. What he "needs" is a pair of forceps to get his head out of his backside.

This is the man who has not been up there since August, and who has left it to me to ensure someone has been there for insurance purposes. Suddenly he Needs a key. It's all about control, as usual

Bore Da, Morning All,

I just want to say a huge thank you to Hobbit for being around on here in the wee small hours.

Won't go into details but I had the day from hell yesterday. I got some shattering news on Monday and it knocked me for six. I think it was just the a cumulative effect of lots of things going on and this was like the straw that broke the camel's back, because I was a mess yesterday - anxious, agitated, that horrible gut churning, head spinning, feeling like you've got a lump in your chest ... and I was unable to snap out of it despite lots of positive self-talk and trying to figure out why on earth I felt so dreadful. The thing on its own while unpleasant and unexpected is normally something I would be upset about, but then process and deal with, so feeling so awful yesterday was something I really wasn't expecting. As I say I can only put it down to one thing too many in a succession of things, and it was the one that sort of tipped me over.

Being able to come on here and exchange a few posts with Hobbit, was a very welcome distraction, let me tell you.

Have woken up with a banging headache and still feeling wobbly, but hopefully yesterday was a one-off. I am normally such a coper no matter how rough the going gets - so it scared the shit out of me.

Anyway, at least I don't have an arsehole bloke to deal with on top of everything else, so that's one blessing.

Thanks all and keep on doing what you are doing. You really are a remarkable bunch of women (and gent), and when I see some of things you are all having to cope with, it makes me feel a little ashamed that I've allowed my current issues to overwhelm me like they did yesterday.

Font
x

LOL izzie - reading your two threads quickly sounds like he has not been up his own backside since August! - not a good image so early in the morning!

hobbit - your last couple of posts sounded really positive - try & focus on this - i have been down the mediation route - if you want to chat on this pm me!

Font - i dont really know you but have been following you on Iwas other post and you have been giving her some tremendous support - glad hobbit helped you through - we are human after all!

my brain has been playing tricks with me again overnight - how does it manage to dredge up something that happened about 9 months ago that on the face of it was nothing but suddenly has a whole new meaning - and this was on double dose sleeping tablets - lets just hope all brains work this way and what is currently being ignored comes back to haunt!

and as it is topical today all you ladies that "put off" those appointments for all your various "bits" - please make sure you don't! :-)

Hope you are doing better today Font, we all need to shoot the shit in the wee small hours sometimes, yesterday was your turn, I suppose we are 'lucky' that MN is available, when other avenues are closed to us.
I got about four hours sleep, not really enough, as I'm working later, but I'll cope.

Bore 'da pawb. Likewise Font sometimes things just get too much and if you've had a run of 'less than ideal things' then there's the tipping point. Hope things improve quickly for you.

Hobbit how you feeling this morning? Still a mind frenzy?

Green everything and anything can be dredged up, or in actual fact, everything and anything can be manipulated to paint a very different portrait. Hold on to your memories and facts, don't let him invade your recollection of events in order to undermine your confidence further. Your history is yours, he cannot re-state it for you now. Don't feel you have to defend yourself on every point.

Good point - will make 'bits' appointment.

You sound calmer today Izzie.

Hope everyone else is doing okay too.

Morning WWK, yes feel a bit better this morning, it's so hard to switch your head off at night isn't it? I shouldn't have read that email before trying to sleep, should have known betterI'll remember that in future. :)

shouldn't have read that email before trying to sleep

I'm trying to figure out how to stop the alerts for the relevant email account. Precisely to avoid Hobbit's scenario last night, and mine recently.