Back to square one :-( don't know who the dad is :-(

[Halleberry]

I posted a while back this same topic. I had become increasingly obsessed with this and could not settle. I managed to move past it (for a while) until yesterday my new midwife told me my dating scan coil be up to a week or so out. Now in devastated as I'd been told before that done at the right time they are never more than a couple of days in or out. Basically my last period was on or around the 20th August. I slept with my partner a few times between the 25th August until we reconciled properly in September. However after a drunken night in the 7th of September, I slept with a good friend of mine. On the 15th of September I don't a pg test and it was positive @ 2/3 weeks. My first scan put my due date @ 26 May 2015. Meaning I conceived on or around beginning of September (and I was sleeping with my partner at this time). But now after new mid wife saying it could be a week out I'm back to square one and I'm ill over it. Anyone any advice/experience please? Can a clear blue say 2/3 weeks only 8 days after intercourse? Does this seem more than likely paranoia and baby is my partners? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Please no judgment. I hate myself enough as it is and this pregnancy is awful.

UPDATE

So called "friend" got in touch a few hours ago. I explained my predicament and was met with and angry response of "the baby isn't mine and I won't be coming back to do any paternity test based on your paranoid delusions" ... Followed by hanging up on me!! :-(

He might have just responded like that because it was a big shock to him. He might call you back in a few days.

If he tells your DH of your encounter before you do, things will be a whole lot worse. He has nothing to lose if not returning.

Now you know he won't do the test you'll need permission from your partner to do one but that won't happen as you'll never ask for it.

He won't be telling anyone, I can tell that much. He doesn't want anything to do with the whole situation.

This company can establish paternity before birth using secretly-obtained samples. It looks like you'd have to say your partner had agreed to the test but it's all done by post so I don't know how they'd know whether he had or not.

It looks like the total cost (sample from you and secret sample from DP would be around £1,000).

Good luck.

www.homednadirect.co.uk/dna-forensic-testing.html

99% sure it'd be your partners, unlikely to get a positive at all after 8 days never mind clearblue which never seems very sensitive

I sure hope so. Friend has not been back in contact. Still living with the guilt and uncertainty ((I know it's all my own fault)) just living each day as it comes and hoping for a miracle every morning ((either my friend agreeing to a test or the strength to tell DH)). I had another MW appointment this morning and again it was a different MW. I explained my worries to her and she told me that she would bet her life on it to be my DH baby simply going by the accuracy of my scan compared to my approx LMP and my 2-3 week clear blue: she said in most cases if a clear blue is wrong its the other way round ((it will tell you less further on than you are)) and the likely hood of it giving me 2-3 week HCG levels at 8dpo is almost impossible. I hold on to that hope with my life x

Halle, stop torturing yourself. You have your plan to get the DNA test done when your baby is born. You can't spend the rest of your pregnancy staring at these dates.

Without the friend the DNA test won't happen. The DH will be none the wiser of the sex with their friend and his wife or the 50/50 chance the baby is not his.

Checking with strangers on the net or trying to get certainty from midwives is just to rule out the need for the DNA test or absolution from the awful situation created.

Hardly 50:50!

please stop torturing yourself op. you know what you are doing now regarding dna, and im 99.9999 percent certain it is your dps!

No Snowwhite you are wrong!! Im Looking for certainty right now just to get me through my pregnancy with as little anxiety as possible. When my DD is born I WILL get a DNA test. I'm holding out for the hope that my "friend" will come round and accept it could be his and help me out without having to involve my other half! If this does not happen then I will tell him. I couldn't watch and live with the guilt of knowing he could be bringing up another mans child. I know you judge me Snowwhite but please give me a break. I'm doing the best I can. Believe me!!

The thing is there is no point in guessing percentages. There is a chance the baby could be either mans. The op has said she is going to find out when her baby arrives, which apart from anything else she will need for her sanity.

Try and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy, it won't be long now till you know for sure.

Not long now :( still torturous. I feel like I'm no longer allowed I post, and I was under the impression I could use this as somewhere to talk but I feel like I'm being pounced on. Why do people who are so disgusted with me and what I've done bother to even comment? X

Go and do one of those calculators that tell you your most fertile days.

It will tell you (according to science) what days were your most fertile that month.

This must be torturous.

I've done it all. The conception calculators put my date of comception based on my scan and due date at the 2nd September (which is around the time I slept with my DH) I asked the sonographers when she thought and she also said about 2/3 September. If I could have just settled on that instead of reading all the stories about how they can be wrong the I would be ok. Unfortunately I dug to deep and now I'm left with this horrible shadow hanging over me. I know many people feel no sympathy for me an I'm not looking for people to feel sorry for me ... But I made a mistake and I've gotten so far into with fear I don't know how to get myself out of it. I spend my days searching for evidence to try and ease the guilt and pain I feel. Some days I feel relaxed and manage to put it aside then other days I can't eat,I'm physically sick with worry etc. this is the bigger mistake I've ever made and I will spend the rest of my
Life trying to be a better person for it. My DH spends his days working hard and trying to make me happy. He is so excited about "our
Little girl" I almost feel as if I'm
Doomed and its bound to be my friends baby ... Simply because all good things come to an end :( x

Well those calculators worked for me. I tried for two years to get pregnant without success until I used the calculator and found out my most fertile days.

What date of conception did your second scan date give you?

The same ... All scans ((I've had 5 due to a bleed,and cramps)) and all 5 say the exact same and point all dates to the beginning of September . Not one of them
Have changed days by even one or two. They have been consistent through out. If I did ovulate at the beginning of September which I hope i did, then the clear blue I took on the 15th of September is also correct as the digital came up 2-3 weeks. That matches exactly also. But simply because many have suggested the 7th is to close to the 2nd it's impossible to tell,
I'm obviously severely panicked xx

Hello, I conceived on 10th jan (I know this) and didn't get a positive test until the 26th. I did a test a week earlier and it was negative, hope this makes you feel a bit better. Good luck

Halle. I'd like to pick you up and sit you on my knee, and cuddle you like a small child. You are tearing yourself apart and it's simply not necessary. 5 scans, a pregnancy test, a couple of midwives and loads of MNers are all telling you the same thing. This is your DH's baby. There's more chance of me winning Miss Universe than this being your 'Friends' and frankly I've more in common with an aged umpa lumpa than a beauty queen.

Get on touch with your despicable 'friend'. Tell him you need to know his blood type. He can either tell you willingly or via a solicitor.

Once DD is here, her blood type, eye colour, looks will probably reassure you with a DNA test.

Please my love, stop torturing yourself. You made a mistake, you had sex with someone you thought was a friend, but really used you. You were lonely & vulnerable and he took advantage of that. You trusted him as a friend and he betrayed you. Of course you aren't blameless, but you made a stupid mistake. You are never, ever going to do it again are you?

Please can you try to see how what you are doing now is going to cause much, much more damage to your relationship & family than a 10 minute shag months ago.

That was a stupid mistake. This, this what you are doing now, you have control over. You can get a grip of yourself and stop with the behaviour that's going to destroy your life if you don't.

You. You have the power here to choose. Choose to carry on like this or choose to accept that it's virtually impossible for this not to be DH's baby and control your behaviour.

Come on now. Do the sensible thing.

Thank you.
I appreciate some people trying to help ease my anxieties. I know that everyone is different though. Still hoping its more likely to be wrong on CB test if it was
To show you to be LESS than you were as opposed to MORE. Was ours a CB digital test? X

Cross
Posts there sorry chipping.
Thanks for posting. Part of me feels like your totally right and I am worrying myself silly for no reason but the what ifs take over. I hope I can take your advice and try to put it out of my mind for now. And no I will NEVER do that again, and my so called "friend" is out of my
Life and I will never accept him back. Friends since we were 5 years old. I trusted him with everything. I thought we were best friends .... Again, I was wrong :( xx

No, just cheap ones from poundland

Those Clearblue tests have been accurate for me. I took them regularly in early pregnancy (paranoid), and they always showed the correct number of weeks since conception every time.

IF the DNA turns out the way I so hope it does ... I will be singing Vlear Blues praises for their accuracy where I was concerned. If I did infact conceive on between the 1st and 3rd of September then the 15th puts me at approx 2 weeks. I assume that means the hormone level was definitely high enough to show I was definitely pregnant for longer than 8 days x