Back to square one :-( don't know who the dad is :-(

[Halleberry]

I posted a while back this same topic. I had become increasingly obsessed with this and could not settle. I managed to move past it (for a while) until yesterday my new midwife told me my dating scan coil be up to a week or so out. Now in devastated as I'd been told before that done at the right time they are never more than a couple of days in or out. Basically my last period was on or around the 20th August. I slept with my partner a few times between the 25th August until we reconciled properly in September. However after a drunken night in the 7th of September, I slept with a good friend of mine. On the 15th of September I don't a pg test and it was positive @ 2/3 weeks. My first scan put my due date @ 26 May 2015. Meaning I conceived on or around beginning of September (and I was sleeping with my partner at this time). But now after new mid wife saying it could be a week out I'm back to square one and I'm ill over it. Anyone any advice/experience please? Can a clear blue say 2/3 weeks only 8 days after intercourse? Does this seem more than likely paranoia and baby is my partners? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Please no judgment. I hate myself enough as it is and this pregnancy is awful.

update - and question. So briefly regarding my "friend" .... No further contact has been made, however at a dinner party last night I heard through the grapevine he has applied for a working Visa in OZ. He obviously has no intention of returning to Britain.
Question: I had what we thought was water leaking last week so I was taken for a scan to check there was enough fluid round the baby. Thankfully baby was fine (how very frightening at the time though, I really thought my waters has broken). Anyway, on looking at the scan my baby girl is measuring nearly a week further on than all my previous scans. I didn't want to ask the doctor in to much detail at the time as my other half was with me and would maybe wonder why the big concern and I don't see my
Midwife now until Friday, so I'm wondering if at this stage in pregnancy that simply means she is a bigger baby? Or is there a possibility that my other scans were wrong and I'm actually further on tban I thought? Have other experienced this and if so was your baby just bigger at the time of scan or did it turn out you were further on?

Halle I really think you need to stop questioning the scans and what the sizing etc could mean in relation to your dates, because you are not going to get a solid answer from that.

All of this analyzing is not going to help you or give you peace of mind in any way. But I do understand, and know that it is difficult to stop. I would probably be the same in your situation.

I think the best thing you can do for the time being, is to put it out of your mind. Just blank it out and don't think about it again until you are able to get a DNA test - if you decide that is what you want to do.

Sorry, I know this wasn't the answer you're looking for, but I think you need to try and be kind to yourself and let go of your stress. All this worrying can't be good for the baby or you

Hi.... I hopefully should be able to really help you with his. Haven't read the thread, just your initial post so apologies if I'm repeating what another poster says.

The first point is you will NEED to do a DNA test when the baby is born. Parentage is too important an issue to just take an educated punt on. Tests can be done discreetly if you are not wanting to let either father know.

Secondly, it is possible to date a pregnancy (and thus conception) with relative accuracy I.e. You conceived plus or minus 2 days either side of x date. But this DEPENDS ON HOW EARLY You had your first ultrasound.

Generally, ultrasounds done at 7 weeks are the most accurate, capable of pinpointing conception to a 3 day window, which, in your situation would give you the clarity you need.

A 12 week ultrasound has accuracy of plus or minus a week. In other words, when you count back the correct number of days from a 12 week ultrasound (and then count forward 14 days as I am assuming you understand medical professionals start counting a pregnancy from the first day of your last period so that conception actually occurs 2 weeks after that date)... The date you get is x date and your conception window is one week either before or after that date (if going by a 12 week ultrasound). Quite a wide window. At 22 weeks the conception/ due date can be out as much as 2 weeks.

It sounds to me like your midwife has told you that at a 12 week ultrasound your dates could be out by a week either way. This is correct...but your earlier ultrasounds should be much more accurate and almost spot on if you had a 7 day ultrasound.

If you send a reply and set out the dates you had each scan and what the scan dated the pregnancy at e,g, scan 15 November pregnancy dated at 8 weeks 3 days, I could then try and work out for you the possible days you conceived and hopefully rule out the guy you are worried about.

Correctionto the above "dates will be almost spot in if you had a 7 WEEK ultrasound"

The reason that a 7 week ultrasound can date a baby's conception so accurately is that for the first 7 weeks all babies grow at the same rate, thereafter, babies grow slower or faster and take on their genetic traits (e.g. Big daddy may mean one 13 week baby measures 6 days bigger than another baby conceived on the same day to a another woman with a smaller husband etc)

The fact your baby is measuring big is not an indication. That conception occurred later or earlier. It's just an indication that it is growing faster etc. the key question is when we're your ultrasounds and what were you measured at each of those dates.

Thanks for reply. I had an early scan on October 24th that put me at 9 weeks and 3 days? I also had a scan after bleeding on 11/12/2014 and that date me 16w and 2 days?? Then another 8th January that put me at 20 weeks and 2 days?

My
Clear blue test also said 2/3 weeks pregnant which would match up with the scans x

Ok hang on... Just doing the calculations

The 9 week 3 day scan means that you would have conceived on 2 September. There is a very learned british medical journal article (i think or something similar) which says that ultrasounds have an accuracy of plus or minus 8 per cent either way at the absolute maximum. At 9 weeks 3 days this equates to a margin of error of 5.28 days either side of the date of conception of 2 September.

So the range of dates of possible conception are: late in the day of 27 August to the early hours of 8 September.

There is therefore a small chance that the one night stand is the father of the baby but this guy has an OUTSIDE chance as the date you had sex with him lies at the far end of the margin for error.

Also if the baby is a girl, then if you had sex with your DP before the estimated date of ovulation.... I.e, 2 or 3 days before 2 September..lthis would make sense as female sperm swim slower but live longer meaning that sperm from sex before ovulation is more likely to make a girl.

You will need to DNA TEST when the baby is born and this can be done DISCREETLY without telling your current DP. Google search how other ladies have done this e.g, wipe the swab on the lip of their partners' glass to get the saliva thus partner never knows. Not condoning this... Just saying.

But this one night stand has an OUTSIDE chance and I think you must relax and enjoy your pregnancy.

Best

A 16 week and 20 week scans are far too late to give you any kind of accuracy for dating this pregnancy. 9 week scan is the one that matters. Good luck

UPDATE

Hi Again everyone. Just thought I'd update on this situation. I'm due my C-Section in 6 days time. This whole pregnancy has been torture and this situation is something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. Infact my mental health has been so bad I was nearly hospitalised and they are actually giving me an elective section a few days ahead of schedule because they believe it best for baby and me for her to be born as soon as healthily possible. I've still not spoken to anyone else about this and have carried it on my shoulders alone for 9 months. I've left it to late now to admit what I know/done (I wish I could show you all the excitement in my DP at the thought of "his" little girl" being here. I've never seen a more excited dad to be and its killed me. Anyway not sure what else to say, just thought I'd update you all as its nearly time for baby to arrive and I can finally put this to rest ... Although not sure how I can do DNA quickly without DP knowing) but I need to think of something x

Halle I have an idea of how you feel.

I got pregnant by accident to a friend. I had just come out of a relationship with an abusiness man. There was over 3 weeks between sex with them, and it was probably actually impossible that the baby was my exes by the dates. It would have been devastating if it was though, and I kept worrying about it.

I used to wake up.in cold sweats worrying the baby might have been his. I would have to calm myself down saying to myself "remember the facts" and going over the dates in my head.

I recognise the feeling of doom. But that's your mind playing tricks, it has nothing to do with reality, try to hold onto that.

When my baby was born, it wasn't obvious to me that he was my DP's. I thought I saw my ex in him a couple of times. But it was my paranoid mind playing tricks with me. Beware of this!

But the older he gets the more he looks like his dad, he is the spit of my lovely friend and (now) partner. My worries are long gone. I don't need a DNA test now to see whose son he is.

I don't think you have any choice now but keep schtum and hope for the best.

Be strong, the odds are massively in your favour.

Thank you wiggly lines. It helps a lot when I hear positive stories. I know nobody can give me the 100% certainty im searching for but hearing positive stories does ease things somewhat. My mental health has never been great from childhood, but this has knocked it for 6!! So much so two specialists have advised I have my baby as soon as possible so I can start trying to heal,take strong meds, and get my intense therapy started. I've had a few people in here tell
Me I'm very selfish for not having told my DP about this and that I'm only thinking of myself. Of course I don't want to lose him and that's part of the reason, but I can honestly say that ive kept quiet for his sake and my sons just as much as I have for myself. In some ways I think I've suffered greatly, alone and in silence for my
Mistake and it's been punishment enough. It's gut wrenching waking up daily and looking at your lovely wee family and harbouring a dark secret by yourself. I'm prepared for the fact my mind will go haywire when she is born about looks etc, so I feel a DNA is all that will ease this. How on earth I can do this without anyone's knkwledge is beyond me. I've not heard a word from my "friend" and as far as I know he is still over seas. I've even spoken to a clear blue expert who has said the chances of getting a 2-3 week positive 8 days after intercourse are so very very unlikely. That got me through a few hard weeks of serious panic mode. Thanks again for all replies xx

halle wishing you the very best. More than anything, wishing you peace.

Thanks for the update Halle. I wish you all the best too.

My son after he found his girlfriend had cheated wondered if his on was his. I had a picture of myself about 18 months old and me and his son could have been brother and sister.

I don't doubt for one minute that he isn't ours and love him so much.

Yes, he's your baby Halle and you've done well carrying your secret yourself.

Best wishes for the birth.

His son

Thank you for all the well wishes. Here's hoping its a good outcome for all of my wee family. I will have another update after the birth of my hopefully healthy baby girl x

Look after yourself. xx

I dont suppose this is any help to you but... I get pregnant at the end of my very irregular (between 21 & 35 days)periods. No doctors have ever picked up on this fact - I just happen to know its true because its the only time we had sex for my second pregnancy and explains how we had a contraception failure for the first.

The dates I got given for how pregnant I was also differed quite significantly.

OP you start off calling him DP, then fiancé, then DH - have you married him during the course of this thread while all this is going on?

I remember your threads and was wondering how you were the other day. Best of luck with your CS! Hope you and your little girl get to enjoy some time with her just being 'her', not just the product of one person or another too... she is who she is and that can't be changed now either way (though I still would put money on your DP being her dad). Relax and enjoy her xx

Sorry AyeAmorak. He is my fiancé. But when I first joined and I picked up on the short words it seemed DH was the quickest way to write it. Then I realised that DP meant the same and it saved me having to write fiancé. We are not married yet. Due to get married in August (obviously pending the outcome of all this). Sorry for any confusion.

Thanks everyone else
For your supportive words. Only 4 more sleeps Til my CS. I can't wait for this all to be over. My MH has never been great and all this has floored me. Hopefully I won't be paying for my mistake for the rest of my life xx

Rooting for you HB.

Hope you get the result you need and you can put this sorry saga to bed.

Good wishes for your C'S.