Back to square one :-( don't know who the dad is :-(

[Halleberry]

I posted a while back this same topic. I had become increasingly obsessed with this and could not settle. I managed to move past it (for a while) until yesterday my new midwife told me my dating scan coil be up to a week or so out. Now in devastated as I'd been told before that done at the right time they are never more than a couple of days in or out. Basically my last period was on or around the 20th August. I slept with my partner a few times between the 25th August until we reconciled properly in September. However after a drunken night in the 7th of September, I slept with a good friend of mine. On the 15th of September I don't a pg test and it was positive @ 2/3 weeks. My first scan put my due date @ 26 May 2015. Meaning I conceived on or around beginning of September (and I was sleeping with my partner at this time). But now after new mid wife saying it could be a week out I'm back to square one and I'm ill over it. Anyone any advice/experience please? Can a clear blue say 2/3 weeks only 8 days after intercourse? Does this seem more than likely paranoia and baby is my partners? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Please no judgment. I hate myself enough as it is and this pregnancy is awful.

OP, I'd like to think I'm a very principled person and I do think this situation needs sorting out. It sounds very much like you do too. You know it's wrong to make a man raise a child that isn't his own without him knowing. BUT, it's clear that you are struggling with this situation enough as it is and your hands are tied whilst you remain pregnant. So can you make a promise to yourself that you will do what's needed to establish paternity once the baby is born? Would that help you to deal with this secret for now, if you knew it was just temporary?

You were on a break and sleeping with someone else, whilst regrettable given what has happened, is not the end of the world, so don't be too harsh on yourself.

That's good enough for me Halle. From what you've said about your severe reactions to foodstuffs was exactly how I was with my pregnancy.

I think your baby is your DP and I think you know that. I think you mixed guilt up with sleeping with your friend with anxiety and got it all mixed up together.

Remember what I said about keeping secrets. Tell one person and you tell the world.

No matter how lose the friendship is only tell a secret if it doesn't matter if you fall out.

You really need a strategy to manage the stress over the coming months. You cannot go on like this. Please speak to your GP or find a counsellor you can talk to in confidence.

I agree with Dowser, from everything posted above it sounds like your daughter is your DPs and that you are mixing up your guilt and anxiety.

You made a mistake. Millions and millions and millions of people make mistakes. Life can be complicated but you can get through this with the proper support.

Thank you everyone. This is a very supportive network. I do appreciate all comments/opinions/suggestions. Even those who have questioned my morals. With a decision being made and stuck to I feel more relaxed. Still a long road ahead but I need to have faith that it'll all work out in the end. I can't lose sight of that hope. Without hope .... We have nothing. I will keep everyone updated x

I'm almost certain it is your partner's child. If your last period started on 20th August, and assuming you have an average 28 day cycle, then you'd have been ovulating around 3rd September. If you slept with your partner a few days before, and/or on 3rd September, then it will be your partner's baby. The fact that you slept with someone else a few days after you ovulated is neither here nor there, because the egg had already been bagged, so to speak, by your partner's sperm, which were ready and waiting up in your tubes....

There's a very good book which explains it all, called 'Taking Charge of your Fertility' by Toni Weschler if you need more convincing.

Does that help?

Thanks Rita. I appreciate your comment. That's where we are all struggling ... I don't have an average 28 day cycle. My periods are pretty messed up :-( therefore I could have ovulated days later :-( xx

But if you'd ovulated days later, the egg would almost certainly not have had time to travel down your fallopian tubes, get fertilised by the 7th September sperm, and implant into your womb in time to produce enough hcg (the pregnancy hormone which pregnancy tests measure) to show up on a test on 15th February.

It usually takes a week from ovulation to implantation. Then a further week before enough hcg is running around in your body to show up on a pregnancy test. Some tests do come back positive about 10 days after ovulation if you're lucky, but it would have been a very, very faint line/result even after 10 days.

So I still maintain that the baby is your partner's....!

xx

The only way to know is with a DNA test. Far too many variables and Google fertility experts.

Thanks Rita. I pray with all I have it is. And of i were to examine the exact times of when I had intercourse with my friend it was probably approx 11pm at night so it was even closer to the 8th of September than the 7th ... And 7 days later ((15th)) I got a positive of 2-3 weeks on a clear blue and two positives on a cheaper test ... The evidence all points to my DH xx

Leaving aside all the other issues which you haven't asked for advice about and probably isn't helpful to comment on, there is no way you'd get 3 strong positive tests, and no negatives, just 7.5 days after having sex. The very earliest a pregnancy test would indicate anything is 9-10 days, even then, most would show negative and any that did pick up a pregnancy at that stage would be very, very faint. This is around the time people post photos on here saying 'is this a positive test or not?', as the line is so faint it's barely there, and tests later in the day show negative because it's not first morning urine. They usually get advised to test in a few days, at least day 12-14. 7.5 days - just no way it would show.

I hope so :-( just read so many stories on google from people with positives after a week ... That scares me. However struggle to imagine getting a 2-3 week positive after one week. I'd imagine there to be no way it could read that high on a clear blue after one week x

Oh and Just to add in there also that it was not my first urine of the day either. I done the test about half past 3/4 in the afternoon and got 3 positives, one saying 2-3 weeks. Just adding tht in as I've read it's the earliest urine of the day that would usually pick up a positive that early as its not been diluted x

The nausea, taste and smell aversion came BEFORE you slept with the friend. The dates back this up, I'm confident this baby is your partner's and not your friend's

Please try to relax about the paternity issue?

OP - what was your period like in August? Was it light? Reason I ask is you said you tested on 15th of September and "it was positive @ 2/3 weeks". Those tests don't actually mean you're 2-3 weeks pregnant, they mean your HCG levels are high enough to indicate you implanted 2-3 weeks ago (august 20).

In order for your friend to be the father, you would have had to ovulate on the exact day you had sex with your friend (egg only lives for 12-24 hours). You also needed that fertilised egg to travel down your fallopian tubes and implant into your uterus (a journey that typically takes about 7-10 days) and then produce enough HCG to show 2-3 weeks pregnant SEVEN days after having sex with your friend.

Most of the time the egg hasn't even implanted in the uterine wall by then and most people can't tell they're pregnant until a minimum of 10 days after ovulation.

I truly believe that you implanted or ovulated on August 20th (and it wasn't a period) and therefore there's no way its your friends kid. The dates just don't make any sense for your friend... especially since you also said:

I had a scan 8/1/2015 and that dated me at 20w and 2days?? I also had a scan after bleeding on 11/12/2014 and that date me 16w and 2 days??

Your dating scans are based on growth of the baby (rather than the date of your last period)

So the 8/1 for 20w 2days = August 18
The 11/12 one of 16w 2days = August 19

I'm 99% sure your DP is the father based on the dates from your doctor.

Thanks for commenting sky. With my periods being so erratic it's hard for me to remember exactly what it was like. I think it was pretty heavy. I'm sure it was a proper period. But with the way they have been over the years it's hard to pin point. It's bizzare because the scans growth and sonographers said I "probably" conceived beginning of September. We definitely had sex ((DH and I)) once the beginning of September and twice between the 23rd and 27th ... It's all so confusing how they can't ever be EXACT. I have moments of peace where I think it's definitely his, then I have moments of panic where I'm consumed with fright that it just might not be :( x

I personally think I'm further on than they say I am simply by the size of me already ((my belly is huge)) and her movement and kicks are very very strong and regular. I feel farther on but I am going by what doctors have told me xx

Hope you can relax now and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy;-)

I had a little bleed 9 weeks in with my third. I knew I was pregnant though.

Maybe you are further on. That would be great news.

Yeah dowser ... Honestly if I found out I was a bit farther on I would be over the moon. I could put this horrible mess behind me and completely relax with no doubts what so ever. I doubt I will fin out now until she is here though as I'm sure the further on you are the harder it is to tell how far on you are if that makes sense? Like the babies grow at different rates after 20 weeks? X

I got a positive pregnancy test 1 weeks exactly after intercourse. Not sure wh everyone is saying it's unlikely after just 8 days.

What test was it bewildered? Was it a CB Digital? What was the weeks indicator? If it wasn't one of them how bright was the line on your test and was it a morning urine sample used? X

Bewildered I think people are saying it is unlikely as it is extremely unlikely, given how a pregnancy develops/hcg levels.

Darling you need to stop panicking! I know easier said than done but that cb digi meant you were 4-5 weeks pregnant and 2-3 weeks after implantation basically so there is no possible way going off those dates and the scans that this baby is your "friends".....going off your dates you were already preggers by your partner so try and relax sweetheart. I have used cb digi and got the same result as you. ...turned out I was actually 6weeks at that point!

Honestly OP, I just don't see how, based on the dates you were given, and your result from the test, that the baby is anything BUT your DP's child.

Bewilderedme may have got a positive result, that's not the impossible part, some people are very lucky, but it's the OP's 2-3 week result that's the oddity, PLUS how far along they're saying she are based on growth (not last period).

If you want 100% confirmation, look into getting a DNA test done and what's involved, you may be able to do it on the sly without him knowing. I would hope the friend comes to visit at some point and you can do it with him (it IS possible to do a blood test while pregnant, non-invasive and not a danger to the child at all) but of course also possible once you've had the baby.

There's nothing wrong in making mistakes, what's wrong is letting it stay as a mistake without making the effort of putting it right.

You said that if you knew for sure that your H was not the father, then you would tell him and the only way you'll know for sure without his prior knowledge of the uncertain paternity, is to track down your friend and take a paternity test.

A DNA is your guarantee of paternity, the rest is pure speculation.