Back to square one :-( don't know who the dad is :-(

[Halleberry]

I posted a while back this same topic. I had become increasingly obsessed with this and could not settle. I managed to move past it (for a while) until yesterday my new midwife told me my dating scan coil be up to a week or so out. Now in devastated as I'd been told before that done at the right time they are never more than a couple of days in or out. Basically my last period was on or around the 20th August. I slept with my partner a few times between the 25th August until we reconciled properly in September. However after a drunken night in the 7th of September, I slept with a good friend of mine. On the 15th of September I don't a pg test and it was positive @ 2/3 weeks. My first scan put my due date @ 26 May 2015. Meaning I conceived on or around beginning of September (and I was sleeping with my partner at this time). But now after new mid wife saying it could be a week out I'm back to square one and I'm ill over it. Anyone any advice/experience please? Can a clear blue say 2/3 weeks only 8 days after intercourse? Does this seem more than likely paranoia and baby is my partners? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Please no judgment. I hate myself enough as it is and this pregnancy is awful.

This is your partners baby.

There will be a right time to confirm this but for now its about you and your beautiful little family that you are about to complete.

Good luck HalleBerry enjoy your little one!

Thanks ladies. Wal 3 more sleeps. I can't even sleep actually. I'm a nervous wreck. I think what makes me more afraid is the way my mind will be after she is born and If I just blurt it out that she might not be my fiancés honestly this is getting worse the closer it gets x

You sound so sad and so anxious! Is there anyone, a friend, your mum who you can talk to about this?

Nobody twochips all I've had since the beginning of this is all the lovely ladies in mumsnet. I haven't told anyone about this (I don't trust anyone). I trust my mum of course, however I can't even seem to find the words to tell her. I don't want to burst anyone's bubble. Thing is, I know 100% my mum would stand by me. But she is also so excited about new baby I know telling her this would put a dampner on it and she would just worry. I really don't know what I will do if it turns out she isn't his. Or if she is born looking like my
Friends child xx

Halleberry, I've read your thread from beginning to end and just want to wish you a safe, joyous delivery!! As a mum to an eight-month-old baby boy conceived after four rounds of IVF (I'm quite compulsive and I would start testing, testing, testing before any HCG could even be detected most times!) I just wanted to add that I'm also of the opinion that your baby girl is your fiancé's daughter. Sperm can survive up to a week in utero and fertilise an egg. You WERE ALREADY PREGNANT when you slept with your no-good friend who never should have taken advantage of you!!! Sorry for the shouty caps but it seems clear as ClearBluebell from where I sit!

Don't worry that you're going to blurt out something... Just try to focus on the amazing, wonderful little being you're about to meet!! Love her. That's all that matters. Leave DNA testing for another day if you must, but I would not risk your relationship on the indescribably small chance that this baby is your friend's... She isn't! She is, first and foremost, a gift. A blessing. I hope you're able to release yourself from crushing guilt and embrace your newborn joyously!! Best wishes to you and your expanding family, and may you find peace, lovely! xxx

Edenrose I am lost for words. What a lovely, beautiful thing to say and your words have brought me so much comfort (and a tear to my eye). It's amazing really how a complete stranger can brighten your day like nobody else. Thankyou for such a lovely message xxx

Another mumsnetter had a prenatal test incase you were interested. They said that the alpha one was a scam.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_tests_choices/1822102-Prenatal-DNA-paternity-test-in-the-Uk-my-personal-experiences

Thankyou for the link. Only 2 days until she is here now anyway ... I'm as nervous as anything. My other half is so excited. I'm being very quiet (not on purpose) he thinks it's just because I'm scared. Yes I'm scared - of everything that's about to happen x

Good morning, Halleberry! I'm so glad that my previous post brightened your day... Only 48 more hours to go until your beautiful baby girl arrives!! Keep your focus, my dear, and breathe right through that fear until it feels like excitement! You have nothing to be scared of... Keep reminding yourself that your sweet baby is your fiancé's daughter. She is!!! The best way to care for her is to relax during these last two days and keep your cortisol levels down; remember that she is actually feeling your stress and if you're scared, she will be, too... She deserves a happy mum who is looking forward to sharing a first cuddle!

I may have a slightly different perspective than many people commenting because my son was born with the help of an egg donor (I have a rare genetic disorder). So he shares NONE of my genes. My DH and went through hell trying for a baby and at times I thought our marriage wouldn't survive the strain of my diagnosis. But we love our boy so dearly, now that he is here, we don't even think about the struggle to conceive with a stranger's help... Which is just to say, the heart is an amazing, flexible organ. I share no genetic connection with my son but he is MINE from the tip of his nose down to his pearly pink toes! I love him fiercely, with my whole heart.

Please don't let your worry cast a shadow over daughter's birth; your fiancé is about to welcome his darling girl and nothing needs to interfere with that bonding process! She will always be his daughter, and I'm willing to bet you know that she is, way down deep in that quiet place where your intuition resides. Don't give in to the gremlins of worry and fear; they have no place in the delivery room! Banish them. Keep banishing them!!! Kiss your fiancé LOTS! You're going to be just fine... Keep posting so that you feel supported! I will be cheering for you! xxxx

HalleBerry I know it's hard but there's nothing you can do yet.

One thing at a time. Have your baby. Get into a routine.
Then get the DNA sorted.
Even home bargains sell one saw it the other day? You'll be fine! Hope your labour and delivery goes well. Post back here after xxx

No one is going to give you a fool proof answer without a dna test. There are two potential fathers and no way of knowing between the two. You are just going to have to put your big girl pants on, tell your oh and go for a dna test and hope for the best.

Pretending it's your oh's when you are not 100% sure is going to hurt yourself, your oh who will potentially raise a kid that's not his, your son and your daughter.

I feel for you but right now your priority should be finding the truth out for your dd not thinking of yourself because you cannot cope if he may leave you.

BoB - I disagree with you completely. Not a helpful post.

Halleberry - good luck with the next couple of days, enjoy your lovely new family addition, let things settle for a good long time, and then consider what to do. You are, and have been, carrying an awful lot of guilt, much or all of it unnecessarily. Move that guilt to one side and put that emotional energy into your family - the existing parts (DP and DC) and the one who's about to arrive.

take care

Perhaps your right, my own view clouds how I feel. I know a man, a bloody good man, who found out a week after that the baby he had been really excited for may not be his. It killed him, unbelievable pain and DNA revealed it was not his. He did not deserve that at all if you saw him telling everyone about his baby you would understand where I am coming from.

Op I apologise, at any rate concentrate on your daughter for the time being and then sort out what to do from then. Hopefully the partner is yours and you can sort things out and move forward from all of this.

• Baby is your partners

Good luck with you c-section and recovery. I think you should tell someone - mid-wife or health visitor so they are aware of your fragile mental state at this fantastic but difficult time.

They would also be able to advice on how to do the DNA test quickly.

Just read the whole thread. Best wishes

Thankyou everyone. Such kind and supportive words. Bob - I do understand where your coming from. Honestly I do. If I didnt, and I didn't care about the circumstances - I wouldn't have posted this thread. And I wouldn't have spent the last 9 months torturing myself. I know I may be coming across to some as a selfish woman who is just scared her man will leave her - but that's honestly not the only reason I chose not too tell him. We have separated before and as hard as it was, i was coping. If he for eg. Turned round and said to me in 3 months time that he didn't want to be with me anymore, Id be gutted but I know is get through it. There are a multitude of reasons i don't want to tell him. Take away the fact I don't want him to leave - there is my DS who loves him dearly. They are very close. This would break his heart. There are both our family and friends who would be torn in 2 over this. My fiancés mum (who isn't even my favourite person right now) who would be utterly crushed, and as annoying as she is, I look at her wee face and feel a knot in my stomach and a pang in my chest. This would also be devastating for her. And then there is my fiancé. A wonderful man, who is over joyed at meeting this beautiful baby. Even if I confessed and he chose to stay anyway, I can categorically assure you this would destroy him. I can't bare the thought of seeing him hurt. This may be the selfish bit on my part now, however, I'm definitely not mentally strong enough right now to make this confession and deal with the pain I could cause I wish I was stronger than ive been. I wish I could have been honest. But with less than 24 hours until my section, it's to late for me now. There is no way I could confess this just before I have her. I would fall apart. And I don't feel strong enough to fall apart just now, to deal with the back lash of what I've done as well as welcome a baby into the world. I'm so sorry for your friend who went through this. It must have been awful. But the whole way through this ive always been 95% sure (if not slightly more) that this is my partners baby, and when doubt has over shadowed me, I've looked at my fiancé and my little boy and wondered if the life we have together is worth ruining on a 5% or less chance that he isn't the babies dad. I have been so close to telling him many times but my heart says no. My heart says this is his baby and the real issue I have is guilt. If I told him now it would honestly destroy him just as much as if I told him in a week. There is no flip side to this coin. If I told him now he wouldn't want to be at the birth, (obvious reasons) and then in a few weeks time I could do a DNA and the baby be his, and I ruined his chance at seeing his little girl being born. This would devastate him to. Or I could not tell him. Hope for the best and if my doubts linger on, tell him once the dust has settled. Even though he would be heart broken, I still don't think he would regret having been there for me and the baby AFTER the fact. Maybe I'm wrong. Either way, there is no positive outcome no matter when/if I tell him. I just have to hope for the best. Thankyou to all who have helped so much through this awful pregnancy. I will keep posting, the support and kind words really keep me going xx

My heart says this is his baby and the real issue I have is guilt

I agree with this. It's overwhelmingly likely to be your partner's baby. Not long now, hang in there.

Halleberry, you don't come across as selfish at all! Only very vulnerable and wracked with guilt. I agree with Tempermental, the line that leapt out at me was "my heart says this is his baby..." You are struggling with tremendous guilt, but I'm not sure that it is entirely warranted since your friend knew (presumably) that you have MH issues and still felt no hesitation at sleeping with you when you were separated from your fiancé and clearly emotionally vulnerable. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to conclude that his behaviour was despicable!! He took advantage of the situation, which NO true friend ever would've done. The time may yet come when you can speak to your fiancé about what happened, but now is not that time... Focus on your precious little girl and get her here safely! Your fiancé will be there for you (and her), which is of paramount importance. Please be kind to yourself in these last 24 hours before your C-section! xxxx

Halleberry Bob above is only considering one person, your DP. But there are other people to consider, your baby being one.

I think you're right to concentrate on the birth right now.

I hope your birth goes okay. That's all you should focus on at the moment.

Are you hoping to test your DHs DNA? I'm thinking hair or toothbrush might be okay to do without him knowing.

Good luck. I know you're worried but you do have to find out who is the father. Biology is important as well as the bringing up of the child.

Good luck with the c-section. This baby is SO obviously your partners. I hope after your dd is here you can accept that, deal with any guilt you feel and move on.

Thanks girls ... You all have no idea how much the support you have given me has helped me through this. I'm starting to get excited about meeting my little girl now. I'm going to solely concentrate on her birth and care for the next few weeks and get my head into the best possible place I can and then try and figure out what I'm going to to regarding DNA. I'm almost 100% sure now it's my fiancé baby. When my first was born there was no mistaking my ex was the dad (not that there was any doubt at that time anyway) but he looked so much like him it was scary. From birth right til now he still does. There baby pictures were scarily alike, they looked like they could have been twins. I'm guessing IM hoping I see Similar with my baby girl where my partner is concerned. Maybe wishful thinking, who knows what's going to happen. But all I can think about right now is that my little girl will be here in about 12 hours time. I need to try and concentrate on that just now. I can't make room for anything else or I won't get through it with a clear head. I will definitely keep posting aNd keep you all updated. Thanks again for all the support. You have all been a lifeline xx

best of luck tomorrow halle. Will be wishing you the best