DV from 16 year old son - how can I help him?

[Somethingtodo]

I have also posted this on teenagers www.mumsnet.com/Talk/teenagers/2288906-Abusive-violent-son-What-to-do?

• but wanted some perspective around DV and what I should be doing - WA? Can I stop my son's DV...will he be an abuser all his life?

Oldest son has always been stubborn, moody, aggressive and antagonistic with the family. He is v social and charming out of the home. He frequently punched me, and verbally abuses me during his angry rages and smashes up my house.

My STBXH stood by and watched and I eventually went to the police and his school this time last year (back story here www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/a1599899-Is-being-an-avoider-a-marriage-deal-breaker)

....he got a caution, the school were great and he has not punched me since.

We have now decided to separate after a long 30 year relationship. STBXH has moved out. Ds has taken this really badly (other 3 younger siblings were shocked, angry but have got on with it)....he is now raging with me standing over me growling, red faced, teeth clenched, dribbling saliva and punching me in the head repeatedly but pulling back just before contact (as he knows I will contact the police again). He has smashed up my home -- manhandles me by physically shoving me out of his room. He screams at his 8 year little sister and calls her a cunt because she drinks her water too loudly.

He has decided to rebel and self-sabotage his education (lower 6th) by not doing any work. He is drinking and has started smoking weed at the weekend.

I want to help him not punish him - what do I do.

I have guilt that our marriage was toxic and he heard too much anger and frustration from me - so this is what I deserve - reap what you sow etc.

OP do your research, find out who's who in this field your way (which is circs M25 iirc, so you should be within striking distance of a lot of experts), find out if they practise privately - if that's the way you want to go - or badger your GP to get a referral to said experts. You'll wait an incredibly long time so it may be that if you can, pay for it.

Dear me. All this is not comfortable, of course it isn't, but this is how it is.

*circa

I may have missed something but I've never got the impression the OP was particularly wealthy.

For the 4th time - please answer the Q - why do you assume I am wealthy?

and

It is not me who thinks OP's wealth is my business. It is OP who thinks her wealth, or otherwise, is my business. I couldn't care one way or the other.

Seems you do - you have assumed and thgen you have asked me directly.

At a really difficult time, when I am especially vulnerable - I have found this derailing and upsetting -- could you try to apologise ?

springydaffs, just in case you're in any doubt, you are coming across very badly and rudely here.

OP please don't feel you have to justify or explain your finances or lack thereof to strangers on the internet. I really hope you and your family get the help and support you need and deserve. I think you're doing a great job.

That is good to hear he is behaving quietly again. I hope it continues and he realises that you are very serious in following through with the police should his behaviour go off the rails once more. Do you think this has sunk in? I second meerka's earlier comment about the whole mh issue with him and dc3. He is very aware the two situations are completely different and I am pretty sure he knows his behaviour is beyond the pale. It's tough to admit you are wrong at that age (though that is no excuse at all of course).

Hope it goes well on Friday - will you son go with you to the GP?

Ps your finances are very much you own concern! Don't feel put off posting for more support, we are here to help and listen. You sound like a really supportive mother and your son is incredibly lucky. Not all of us had this. He will realise one day

Thank you BigCat, Footle, Twinkle & livingz for your support. Much appreciated.

My 16 year old is the same and i am very scared of him and for his two year old sister...i have seen mental health teamd..doctors and called social services in...even called the police to my home when he attacked me and he was arrested. I have asked for him to be removed from my home but no one will help...just get told hes 16 he must help himself...i hope you find a loop as no one seems to help 16 year olds or the worried parents.

Hi Nikki. this is an old thread. If you would like support or advice you should start another thread. I really feel for you, i have been in a similar situation.