I've made the worst mistake of my life...

[neuroticnewmummy]

Lying in bed. My husband left hours ago. At the weekend we had a party. I am an awful binge drinker. Ended up having sex with another man. I denied it at first but husband found out. Been together for over 10 years. He is literally my life. Never cheated before. Husband is rightly devastated and angry. This took place in our house. I hate myself for doing this to my family. My poor child is sleeping in her bedroom unaware of what a fuckwit her mother is....

Getting this drunk once a month is a very big problem for you and for anyone else in that situation - so the fact that other people are getting totally rat arsed does not let you off the hook. If nothing else it is very damaging for your body.

If I were your husband and looking to being able to forgive you this statement of yours:

I will probably not drink again

would not reassure me or help me rebuild trust. I would want you to commit to being teetotal forever.

Your last post OP... wow! I think you you have little to no chance of saving your marriage with that attitude.

A lot of self pity and minimising but very little in the way of trying to understand the devastation you have caused for your husband and child. You really have no clue what you need to do to start making it right. If your husband was a friend of mine I would advise him to walk away from the marriage, I think that would be the best thing for him and your child. I think you will mess up again.

Good luck op, I don't mean to be unkind but your last post really shocked me and suggests you have no idea.

My dad is an alcoholic. I should know better. I am an alcohol abuser.

No, love. You are an alcoholic. You may do it in a different way from your dad - but having drink-free days doesn't mean you're not dependent.

It's now the booze or your husband. You do get that, right? Anything else other than total abstinence means your marriage is over. Because even if you stop him walking right this second (and it'll be your baby making him stay) the first time you get tipsy he'll be right back there...

Sorry binge drinking once a month makes you are binge drink and not an alcoholic, huge difference still a problem but a different problem.

I'm genuinely remorseful.

Shall I rewrite your post as someone genuinely remorseful?

Okay. No need to get into debate, those criticising me have a good point. I know I'm in the wrong. I am seeking help with aa. I'm going on friday. I have got a binge drinking problem. Yes it's a drinking problem and I will never ever drink again. It's completely destructive. I mean, how many people in this country are out at the weekend doing lovely things as a family - mum, dad, kids - but that won't be me now. And it won't be my kid, because of what I've done. I'm genuinely remorseful. I feel sorry for my husband. I came to get some help, advice and a kick up the backside because I only get support and enabling from my mother. I got some from some lovely open hearted people. This time last week I was coming home from work like some of you and I hadn't done this stupid thing. I had a husband who I loved and I've messed it up so badly, but I don't want to mess my kid's life up anymore than I have already. I really, really want to change and with help, I hope I will be able to. Thanks for giving the the kick I need to, to seek help and change.

Thank you. People criticising have had valid points. I have been a coward, a cheat and I own up to the mistake I have made. I truly love my husband and my child and neither of them have deserved this. I will do all I can to try to make some kind of amends to those I have hurt with my actions x

I've been in your husband's position and it's utterly heartbreaking but it's pretty obvious your heart is breaking too. Even if you can't make it work i hope you get the help you need and come out the other side stronger and happier x

When I first saw this thread and all the sympathy pouring out I wanted to shout out and say you portray yourself as a victim and blame others for what you have done - but others came in and said things
I was thinking.

You need to get down and BEG for forgiveness. I have to say if this was the other way around and DH had done this you would have been told to leave him immediately

Give up the booze NOW, that would be a start.

Much better OP. I hope you're being sincere.

If I was your husband (or, years to come, your children) I'd want to see actions that matched your words.

Oh dear, I have to agree with Vivacia and others that this, sadly, does NOT appear to be your "rock bottom" - too much self-mitigation going on.

You can NOT expect your DH to accept your 'probably' and your 'only' - you have to be 100%committed to giving up alcohol. Try to retain your feelings of guilt and aghastness at your utterly appalling behaviour, don't dismiss and diminish. Your DH won't have forgotten.

Try and remain resolute, OP. Your post earlier this evening betrayed chinks of weakness and some doubt about your intention to stop drinking.

You must stop. Not just because you may hope to win your husband back (not guaranteed of course).

My BIL had been an alcoholic for at least the last 20 years. Mainly massive binge drinking too. It has cost him everything, including his marriage, access to his child and his home. Think on that and make sure you don't become yet another statistic like that. It isn't just your future with your husband that it calls into question. Your child can be affected too. I also knew another mum whose children began regularly arriving late at school saying it was because their mum had gone to sleep on the living room floor. School involved social services and she was found to be an alcoholic. The family was put under supervision and were informed that if things didn't change the children would be taken into care.

Get control of the problem now. Stop drinking. Grovel to your husband and accept responsibility for your actions without any ifs or buts. Accept his anger and hurt. Give him time and let him come to his decision in his own time. It may or may not be the decision you want though.

Just wanted to emphasise: ACTIONS REALLY DO SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS.

It will be you actions over the coming weeks and months (years even) which will prove your determination to knock the drinking on the head and make amends.

OP: I was wondering if your H had said anything further about his intentions?

I think I agree with the posters concerned that you have not hit your rock bottom. But you can still steer away from the destructive course. You do not have a healthy relationship with alcohol. You have probably already drunk away your marriage. But do you fully realise that you are on the fast track to supervised contact only with your DC?

In your shoes, I would never drink again.

If you can cheat on your husband in your own home while under the influence, you could do anything and that includes something dangerous like risking your life.

Quit the drink for good.