How can I find incognito history on Chrome?

[eggplanty]

I just came up to find an incognito window open in chrome on a website that I really would not be ok with my DH watching. Unfortunately by the I had noticed I had force shut down the laptop as it was not responding so I was not able to save the window.

Is there anyway I can find out what he is doing in incognito mode?

Obviously I don't want to be married to this man but I can get in a time machine. We have children and everything would be much worse off if we were divorced so I will stay like this. I could never put my children through it. Plus I know I am not strong enough. I don't want to talk about divorce or the future if that's ok.

I just want to know that I am not being unreasonable. This is not normal and acceptable is it? I know he will be wide eyed and amazed that I am so upset. If I were not pregnant I don't know what I would be doing. I am trying to stay calm for the baby and not cry and shake. Please don't come on the thread and tell me they'd be cool with it and its no big deal. Its a very big deal to me and I want to die.

*cant get in a time machine

Fwiw I also think this is much worse than porn OP.

I think I know what I would do in your situation but I am not you.

You are stronger than you think. There is help and support available if you need it.

Well, given what you say, I think you and he need urgent counselling. It will be interesting if he can find a counsellor who thinks you are wrong to object to this.

He'll just go to coucelling and claim he had no idea any of this was so wrong and that now he does he will most definitely stop. Both assertions are most certainly lies. But that's how he will play it.

He has never once initiated sex with me in the time frame of these chats so I can presume he doesn't find me attractive.

OP, so sorry to hear you are going through this.

In case it helps (I'm sure it won't really but I can hear the pain and confusion in your posts), I'm a man and I don't think what he has done is in any way normal or acceptable. And that includes his control over the financial arrangements you have together.

I'm so sorry to ask this so bluntly, but you've said a few times in your posts that you want to die. If you are feeling that low at the moment you could always try ringing the Samaritans as it may help you to speak about this and how you are feeling? As cookietrue22 says, there's lots of help and support available if you need it.

If you don't feel up to that or talking about the future, could you maybe ask him just to go elsewhere for a few days so that you can get your head together?

Of course it's a big deal. He should absolutely not be doing this as a married man with children. Do not let him make you think otherwise. Don't let him pretend he is naive. It is far worse than porn. He's lost his marbles and seems to believe what he's saying. Tell him to go till you know what to do otherwise he will mess with your head.

OP, I won't continue posting on here because all I can say is that you should leave him and I know you don't want to hear that.

All I can say is that this will eat away at you until you are no longer the woman you were and I hope that at that point you can find the strength to get rid of him. Don't forget you can always come on here at any time for help in doing that. I really do wish you the very best of luck.

I said earlier in the thread that you can't tell an adult what they can and can't look at, but you can sure as hell tell them what is and isn't acceptable to you and what you will do if he takes no notice of your wishes. I feel very sorry for you op especially while you are pregnant as any upset just feels magnified (although this is right out there already) I also understand that in rl you can't always just get up and leave/separate/divorce as it isn't always the answer for every problem. You have decided to stay in the same house and coparent. Is this possible ? Practical ? Is the house big enough for you to have your own room/privacy. ? As you have none of your own money (maybe that is a rash assumption) as sahm, will he be difficult with money if you 'separate' in your own home.

Oh, poor you. But it is porn isn't it? Live porn? Or have I jumped the gun?

You can leave and I bloody well hope you do it sooner than later.

As pomp odd says ask him to go somewhere for a few days. Well, tell him it would be for the best for now.

Believe me I know. Tell him to go. He must face consequences or he'll just lie and minimise and think he is entitled to do this. He's been doing it so long it's affected the way he thinks. You should not have to deal with this. Only he can.

OP, just to come back on your comment about presuming he doesn't find you attractive.

I obviously don't know him, and I've never used those sites myself, but I can say with confidence that I very strongly suspect that his "habit" says nothing at all about you. Only a scumbag with a very poor attitude towards women would do what he has done. It would be bad enough if he had been single and done this, but the betrayal of you makes it even worse.

He has a seriously fucked up attitude to women and sex, from what you've said on here. So I genuinely wouldn't draw the conclusion that you're not attractive or desirable. The problem is very much his and not yours.

Oh how awful for you OP. Your pain is palpable. I am so sorry this has happened to you.

Your H sounds like an utter twunt. There is no way he didn't know this was wrong, he's a grown (married!) adult for Christs sake and he should be accepting full responsibility and be contrite rather than 'blaming' you or trying to excuse his behaviour, with an excuse that would, quite frankly, be laughable if it wasn't such a horrible situation.

My thoughts are with you OP. Look after yourself. I hope you find some RL support.

I'd agree it was cheating, and in a whole different league to porn. I'd be gutted and let down and furious.

Of course he doesn't think you'd be "happier" with him doing this instead of watching porn.

He's a nasty man, who's trying to minimise this to make you feel it's your fault. Look how his behaviour is impacting on you. I've read you calling yourself so many detrimental names during this thread. Does he call you names?

What's stopping you from leaving him? There's been some really good and sound advice about finances and legalities by previous posters.

I know I keep saying I want to die but I would not hurt myself at all as I am carrying a child and I have children who I would never, ever, leave.

I want him to go tonight but then its more money spending on him and he'll probably enjoy a nice full nights sleep and do more of this.

I know he doesn't think its serious at all. I want him to leave. But I couldn't divorce (so many reasons) I will have to live here with him.

He has never done anything to show he desires me and through going through all this stuff I have learnt so much about his wants and desires. I cannot believe he never shared this with me. I would have been more than willing to try to fulfill him.

I know I look an absolute state since we had children. I am constantly embarrased of myself but I felt like when the children were older I would be able to take better care of myself and be more attractive. Obviously he couldn't wait for that.

OP, maybe it's not for now as it's all too raw, but could you at least commit to yourself that over the next few days that you will try to sit down and think about the reasons why you say you "couldn't divorce"?

There are loads of women on here who have been through difficult marriages and relationships and have been able to extricate themselves. That isn't to say that you will be able to do it easily. But I think it's important that you are in possession of the facts. Once you have those you will then feel much more able to start taking decisions. I know there are lots of posters on here who will give you their experiences and advice.

As for him spending more money on himself, I think that's probably the lesser of two evils right now. You need space to yourself for a bit and having him around cant be easy for you. Easy for me to say, but if I were you I'd sod the extra cost of getting him out for a few days. The benefits to you will be worth more than money.

OP, please don't blame yourself, your appearance, what you have or haven't done.

Your H has no excuse for his behaviour. Trust me there is only one awful, ugly, 'state' of a person in this scenario and it isn't you.

I'm so sorry OP :(

We have a spare room he can sleep in. That is an option or sleeping in a hotel.

Theres so many reasons why I can't even thinking of divorce.

He doesn't know how much I know yet. The last I spoke to him he was saying he did it years ago and now very rarely (can't even remember when) but I can see all the chat logs he was on it almost everyday for long stretches in the evening. I must have been in the room.

All the times he was away he was on it. He would rarely contact me when he was away, saying he didn't have the time.

He will try to minimise this completely. He will play shocked that I am upset and try to make it out its just like porn. There is surely loads of free porn on the internet. I would be ok with that. This is so diferent. I know he will go wide eyed and pretend he didn't understand it was wrong.

When I first confronted him and he denied everything I said I wanted to look at the accounts. "He said sure no problem- absolutely." He is so brazen, such a good liar. Obviously he thought I wouldn't know what they payments were or he has a secret account. Totally pointless as I don't see any of them anyway.

He has been going on how the next year and half for us will be financially hard and we have to tighten our belts. So I have been thinking about more ways we can cut back. I am such an idiot.

Of course you can divorce. You might not feel like it right now and that's fine but you absolutely can.

Could you separate? You don't to consider the future yet, or divorce, just ask him to stay somewhere else for a few weeks and take it from there. It's easier in small steps.

Having him around isn't going to be good for you, your unborn baby or your children. He sounds horrid, and he won't do your blood pressure any good. You'll always be wondering what he's doing when you're feeding the baby or skimping on shopping.

One step at a time, and it'll get easier.

From what I am gathering there must be another email address and another paypal account he is using. I don't know how I am going to find them.

Start with gmail...it's pretty common and very possible to leave yourself logged in...just type mail.google.com into your address bar.

Just found him giving it to a girl in a chat. Another email. I am going to die.