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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

How can I find incognito history on Chrome?

348 replies

eggplanty · 15/01/2015 12:57

I just came up to find an incognito window open in chrome on a website that I really would not be ok with my DH watching. Unfortunately by the I had noticed I had force shut down the laptop as it was not responding so I was not able to save the window.

Is there anyway I can find out what he is doing in incognito mode?

OP posts:
NeitherHereOrThere · 15/01/2015 15:13

Sounds like there has been financial abuse as well as cheating...

As for blaming you, WTF?! Typical cheater seeking justification for his dirty habits and blaming you for being a disgusting lying bastard. You did not force him to do this and he did it all himself.

CarbeDiem · 15/01/2015 15:14

OP sorry you've found that your dh is rat.

Heads up for anyone wanting to know.
On a pc or laptop - you can find out which sites have been visited in private mode on windows by accessing the list of DNS entries through command prompt. This only works if the machine hasn't been restarted.

on machines with winxp, win7 or vista (you can try or google for other operating systems) - press windows button and R - the command box will pop up - write in it CMD and press enter.
another bigger box will appear - in here write exactly
ipconfig/displaydns
-hit enter and the list of ALL visited sites will appear whether they've been visited in private or not.

If there's too many too trawl through and you don't have time you can try to send the info to a file of your choice. So follow the instructions as above but when you get to write ipconfig...... it should be this way instead -
ipconfig/displaydns>c:\CARBESNEWFILE

It can also work to cover your browsing history, you just write something different but restarting the machine after every session of in private browsing works too.

NeitherHereOrThere · 15/01/2015 15:16

You need to ask him for joint access to all finances - he will do this if he is really sorry.

Don't forget that you should be awarded at least 50% of all assets if you decide to divorce him.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 15/01/2015 15:16

Is the fact that you are an SAHM with no access to the finances why you said you couldn't entertain divorce earlier? If so, I'd urge you to get some legal advice. You may be surprised at what you find out.

Original poster
eggplanty · 15/01/2015 16:00

no its not the finances its the everything.

OP posts:
MrsHathaway · 15/01/2015 16:05

Oh, poor husband. She won't let him spend family money on porn/dancers/prostitutes. I bet while she's been pregnant there hasn't been as much sex as he's entitled to either.

What. A. Bellend. OP, you must be devastated. I would be compelled to see everything, in your position.

You didn't make him do anything. It's a perfectly reasonable condition of a relationship that porn be absent. If he wanted it that badly and gave the tiniest shit about your opinion he wouldn't have stayed with you all this time.

You hold all the cards now. Who in real life can support you while you decide?

RandomNPC · 15/01/2015 16:09

I imagine you feel like your entire world has collapsed in an incredibly short time, everyone is right about the finances etc, but at the moment I think that you need hand holding and reassurance most of all.
Your partner's reasons are self serving bullshit, none of this is your fault. He has chosen to do this horribly seedy thing, and it looks like it's being going on for ages.
Have you got anyone to talk to in RL, family, friends? Anyone you could go to in order to get your head together? If he will leave and go somewhere, that would be great too, if you can get someone to come and stay with you.

Original poster
eggplanty · 15/01/2015 16:21

i have no one in real life. i could never tell anyone in real life. he is totally unappologetic. i am still reading. i want to die. he was in contact with these women while he was away on fun trips for himself and he was not contacting me.

OP posts:
supernaut · 15/01/2015 16:23

myfreecams has many many "models" which you can view.
The basic view is group show I think, which is free.
You can type messages to the performer but they will rarely respond as there are generally 25-100 people chatting.
They are limited to what they can show in group chat, nothing explicit.
At any time you can tip, for no reason, or for specific requests such as pay xxx to take top off or whatever.
Then you can go to private view, which is where one person pays £x per minute to get a private chat/cam with the performer which the group chatters can't see.
Unless they pay for voyeur which is like spying in on the private show but costs less, and you can't chat.
Or something like that.
It's not for meeting girls at all.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 15/01/2015 16:24

Why do you have no one in real life to talk to? Why are you so isolated? And what is 'the everything' that prevents you from considering a solo life rather than a life with a man who seems to be worse with every passing minute?

Do you really have no friends or family? You don't have to tell someone all the gory details why your marriage has broken down but keeping this secret to yourself while he refuses to apologise will only benefit him.

LemonDrizzleTwunt · 15/01/2015 16:24

OP have you confronted him? I'm a bit confused as it sounds from your posts that you have, since you've found this stuff (not before when you just saw the incognito window).

Where do you live? If you're anywhere near me I'll come and support you. x

cookietrue22 · 15/01/2015 16:25

Please don't stay with this pathetic excuse for a husband OP.

Get out. You and your kids deserve so much better.

mummytime · 15/01/2015 16:34

Are you in the UK? If so you have legal redress - him controlling all the money is financial abuse. And all money/assets of the marriage are shared.

Try contacting women's aid.

Original poster
eggplanty · 15/01/2015 16:49

its not that i couldnt have money. i just never spent money as i know we dont have much particularly. i had no reason not to trust him. obviously i am a fucking idiot. Can he show himself to women on this? it sounds like he is turning on his cam as well in some of the chats.

OP posts:
RandomNPC · 15/01/2015 16:54

You're not a fucking idiot. As to whether he can show himself to them, I don't know.

ovaryhill · 15/01/2015 16:58

Yes he can show himself to women on this, like a mutual masturbation session, watch each other's cams and get off on it,

CogitoErgoSometimes · 15/01/2015 16:59

The shame here is all his, not yours. it's naïve as a married woman who is dependent on a husband for money to not have a handle on the family finances but he's the one choosing to behave in this grubby way and why should you have reason to suspect him?

Keeping on torturing yourself this way is not helping your state of mind. Especially if you're not planning to do anything with the information except call yourself insulting names. You are not a 'fucking idiot' but the more of this you uncover, the more you're going to beat yourself up. It's not necessary

ovaryhill · 15/01/2015 17:01

Does he have Skype? I would check his contacts on it if so, Skype sex seems very popular with people who like cam sex

Tobyjugg · 15/01/2015 17:05

I think your best bet is to google it and see the site yourself. I did this and it seems to be a chat/phone/skype site where idiots pay to talk to the "models". I don't think it's a site where people actually meet up.

TendonQueen · 15/01/2015 17:13

Don't feel bad about telling people. It only reflects badly on him. You've done nothing wrong. Are there no other mums you know who you could ask for help? I would definitely book an appointment with a solicitor as soon as you can. He's not going to change and putting up with this for years to come is only going to make you and the kids unhappy.

ImperialBlether · 15/01/2015 17:18

When you say that leaving isn't an option, can you specify why? Is it purely for financial reasons? If so, go to this website and enter your details to see what child tax credits etc you might be entitled to - this would be different if you were a single parent, much higher than you (might) get now.

It sounds as though there's financial abuse going on, given you have no access to bank accounts etc. Is he abusive towards you when he's talking to you? Has he ever pushed you? Have you ever felt threatened?

Original poster
eggplanty · 15/01/2015 17:22

When I confronted him he acted very naive and that he was sure I would be happier with him doing this rather than porn and what could possibly be the problem.

I want to die.

Surely I am not alone in thinking this is cheating. He has spent so much oney chatting to hundreds of women. Directing them on cam. Worshipping them. Seemingly showing himself to them. And maybe worse. This is cheating no? I am the only person that views this as much more serious that porn. These were "real" people he was interacting with. They know him. This is cheating. Surely everyone would see this as cheating???????

OP posts:
Original poster
eggplanty · 15/01/2015 17:24

No I would not leave him. I want him to stay elsewhere tonight- then hell probably just go to a hotel and enjoy more of the same there. I think I will stay in the marriage and live separately here and keep co-paretning. I do not have it in me to divorce and be a lone parent. I am not strong enough.

OP posts:
RandomNPC · 15/01/2015 17:25

I would certainly call it cheating. I think most people would.
IMHO, this is far more of a betrayal than porn.

RandomNPC · 15/01/2015 17:27

You are still in shock. Your opinion may well change over the next few days. You may well start to feel that there is no way that you can stay with this man.

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