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Original poster

How can I find incognito history on Chrome?

348 replies

eggplanty · 15/01/2015 12:57

I just came up to find an incognito window open in chrome on a website that I really would not be ok with my DH watching. Unfortunately by the I had noticed I had force shut down the laptop as it was not responding so I was not able to save the window.

Is there anyway I can find out what he is doing in incognito mode?

OP posts:
cookietrue22 · 15/01/2015 22:19

Never say never. Maybe not right now but you do deserve to be treated better than this. What would you say to a friend in your current situation?

HootyMcTooty · 15/01/2015 22:24

You don't need his permission to divorce. Ok so you're not ready right now, but don't rule it out for the future. Maybe work on detaching from him, doing less for him and gaining some independence.

newyear15 · 15/01/2015 22:33

Of course he is minimising. If he thought you would be ok about it why use private browsing and hide his tracks? Who cares what he calls it. If you don't agree with it then you don't agree with it. I don't understand why you won't even consider divorce?

OddFodd · 15/01/2015 22:36

What a vile, lying pig of a man you're married to. I'm so sorry :(

BuzzardBird · 15/01/2015 22:36

I understand your frustration and anger. You need space, he needs to seriously think of what he has done. He needs to feel consequences. Don't let him think that you won't divorce him.

He has been unfaithful, lied, swore on your children's lives and took money from his family to pay for his abuse of women. A man that thinks that women are a commodity does not deserve your loyalty.

SwedeDreams · 15/01/2015 22:44

Is there anyone you can call to give you some support? You must be hurting so much right now. I'm wishing you strength.

Drumdrum60 · 15/01/2015 22:46

The strange thing is he really believes it's not cheating. He will have compartmentalised it in his head as some kind of fantasy hobby that does not concern you. He is delusional and in denial of what he's done. He has normalised it to himself so he cannot understand your shock. You are not dealing with a full shilling.
It should not be your responsibility to make him see sense. It will drive you insane. Look after yourself first.

Drumdrum60 · 15/01/2015 22:48
Flowers
HootyMcTooty · 15/01/2015 22:49

Drumdrum - I disagree, I think he knows it's cheating, he knows it's worse for OP than him looking at porn. He's just minimising and claiming ignorance.

axolotl209 · 15/01/2015 22:51

I don't think he's delusional. I think he's trying to make the OP doubt herself. He's a lying bastard who is trying to twist everything so it works out how he wants (he gets to do whatever he wants while someone's there to take care of him and the children). I agree that it doesn't reflect on the OP at all, though.

Well done for telling him you want a divorce, eggplanty. Even if you don't feel like you will go through with it, stick to that. Earlier in the thread you couldn't bear to entertain that thought and now you've said it out loud. That's a step firmly in the right direction IMO.

I can only reiterate. You are not being unreasonable. He is messing with you. He's a shit and he knows it (and you know it, too).

Original poster
eggplanty · 15/01/2015 22:51

I have not eaten or drunk since I found this out. I need to go and find something here, but that will involve seeing him. I am sure he will just be sitting in the filth of the day not having lifted a finger to clean up.

The strange thing is he really believes it's not cheating. He will have compartmentalised it in his head as some kind of fantasy hobby that does not concern you.

Yes thats exactly it. He's reaction was very much "Why does this concern you...?"

OP posts:
Original poster
eggplanty · 15/01/2015 22:54

And the lies he told today he wont admit they were lies. He keeps saying they are not lies. They are lies. You kept lying all day. You've only admitted to something once I have shown you proof.

I hate this so much. I thought I had my dream life this morning.

I made so many sacrifices for this person. I kept giving, giving, giving. No matter if I was tired or hurt. Just kept on going.

OP posts:
HootyMcTooty · 15/01/2015 22:55

He's gaslighting

Original poster
eggplanty · 15/01/2015 22:56

Some of the messages with the women have gone on for years. Many years. All the way through my pregnancies. I am so sickened. He is so caring and loving towards them. This was not just about sex. If he wanted to view sex he could have watched a porn film. This was about more than that. (He denies this of course).

OP posts:
Original poster
eggplanty · 15/01/2015 22:57

He has never shown me any affection or that he finds me attractive. I have struggled for so many years thinking that he just does not have a high sex drive and I just need to accept that. When actually he does and he craves intimacy but just not with me.

OP posts:
Original poster
eggplanty · 15/01/2015 22:59

I asked him how he would feel if the roles were reversed and he said he wouldn't like it but he would find it in his hear tot forgive me. I wanted to kill him.

How could he say that. I would never behave in such a way. I don't even email male friends I once had out of respect for my marriage (he never told me he couldn't) but I didn't want to blur any lines or be disrespectful to our marriage.

OP posts:
Original poster
eggplanty · 15/01/2015 23:01

He said it was all annoymous so doesn't count. But I told him they have all seen his cock?? His body which he promised to me on our wedding day. I know I need to eat because I have not eaten all day but I feel so sick to my stomach like I might die. My whole body is sore.

OP posts:
OddFodd · 15/01/2015 23:01

How could you have thought you had your dream life this morning when your husband never shows you any affection or that he finds you attractive? :(

Please try and eat/drink something. Even water - dehydration isn't good for you or the baby. Can you avoid seeing him until he goes to work?

HootyMcTooty · 15/01/2015 23:03

Eggplanty, have you thought about contacting Women's Aid? They can hear you and give advice.

I've heard good things about the Freedom Programme too.

You sound defeated. Maybe if you can hear someone's voice in real life, telling you what were all telling you, it might help.

If you can tell someone in RL it will help. You have nothing to be ashamed of.

Original poster
eggplanty · 15/01/2015 23:06

I love being a SAHM to my children. They are my absolute life and I am expecting another so I was so happy.

I guess I had rationalised away the lack of affection and had my head in the sand. I honestly thought he just was basically asexual. Please don't make fun of me. He was always saying he was shy had no confidence so unless I initiated it never happened. That hurt me immensly but I didn't doubt what he was saying. I just thought it was something to work on. He also refuses to have sex with me when pregnant so it is no unusual for us not to have sex. But anything would have been nice. A massage or something. I can't believe I am writing this. I sound like such an idiot. I think with all that is going on in life I just did not focus on this or suspect this at all.

OP posts:
OddFodd · 15/01/2015 23:11

No one is making fun of you :(

I'm just so sad that your expectations of your life are so low that as long as you have your kids, everything's okay, even though your husband is so unkind to you.

You're not an idiot at all - your husband has been gaslighting you for years I bet to erode your sense of self-worth.

Drumdrum60 · 15/01/2015 23:11

I know exactly what you mean. So busy you can't figure out what's happening but have a strange feeling something isn't right. So you end up doing the right thing for years and not noticing by not really looking. But when you do it opens up a Pandora's box. You have done nothing wrong at all. You can only deal with what you know.

HootyMcTooty · 15/01/2015 23:14

Nobody's making fun of you, I think some posters are just incredulous that he can get away with behaving the way he is.

Is there anyone you can speak to in real life? Do you have a close friend who you could go to?

You must look after yourself, for you and your DC. Try to get something to eat and drink, even just something small.

axolotl209 · 15/01/2015 23:16

I agree about the RL support - I have also found the Samaritans helpful on many occasions, even when I've not necessarily been suicidal - the realtime contact is very grounding.

Can you try and drink some milk or even a sweet drink? I sometimes find that helps when I have bad anxiety; it just gives you some energy but you don't need to chew it.

You don't need to try to reason with him, even if only in your head. You are right. Anything he says is just an attempt to try to get round the issue or to manipulate you. He's not reasoning, he's twisting.

Also, and I hope this doesn't come across wrong, but I've seen what some of these relationships (on cam sites) are like, and my feel is that the men who have 'relationships' with these women - my ex included - don't want relationships with real women. They want to have the pretence of intimacy, but they're scared of actual intimacy or real human women. There's a safety to talking to a woman you're paying to listen to you, whose real personhood you don't really have to consider. He isn't having relationships with those women. It doesn't sound like he's capable of that.

axolotl209 · 15/01/2015 23:19

Oh, eggplanty, that's heartbreaking! No one is making fun of you. Sad I want to reach out and hug you.

You are not an idiot. You have done nothing wrong. You have nothing to feel bad or ashamed about.