Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

How can I find incognito history on Chrome?

348 replies

eggplanty · 15/01/2015 12:57

I just came up to find an incognito window open in chrome on a website that I really would not be ok with my DH watching. Unfortunately by the I had noticed I had force shut down the laptop as it was not responding so I was not able to save the window.

Is there anyway I can find out what he is doing in incognito mode?

OP posts:
GloopySoupy · 16/01/2015 23:09

Did you tidy up the mess he left?! Why?

katec1992 · 16/01/2015 23:38

Ive read through this whole thread and just needed to comment.
Whats happened is sickening.
BUT if you continue to let him stay and get away with it then when it happens again its as much your fault as it is his.
You cannot be weak with him or you are signing yourself and your kids for a pretty miserable shitty life.
if you dont respect yourself now how will he ever respect you?
Take control, be strong and do what needs to be done. Everybody here is happy to support and advise you along the way.

Original poster
eggplanty · 16/01/2015 23:58

Turns out the music was a bad idea. Everything reminded me of times before. I completely broke down. I tried to call my parents. Neither of them picked up (probably for the best or they would have been beside themselves). I called the samaritans. They were very helpful. It helped to tell someone. I was only on the phone for a few minutes, but still helpful. I am going to go and tell him to get out of bed and I will try and sleep.

OP posts:
flyingbunnies · 17/01/2015 04:04

Good for you,it must have been really difficult to make that first call but you did it.

I am in awe of your strength. I can only imagine what you must be feeling now but you are still surviving, reaching out and continuing. It probably doesn't feel like this to you right now, but you are remarkable.

CheerfulYank · 17/01/2015 04:36

What a piece of shit. I am so furious for you I'm in tears.

I'm pregnant and hormonal too and I keep putting myself in your shoes and it makes me sick. I'm so sorry.

Remember that he is a liar. So no matter what he says about the divorce etc, there is no reason to believe a word that falls out of his face hole. Believe nothing that doesn't come from a professional.

I am religious and committed to my marriage too and let me tell you, he'd be out on his ass if he were mine. He has broken his vows before God, not you. Do not let him twist this.

You are not an idiot or any of the other things you've worried about. You are a strong woman who's been dealt a terrible blow.

CheerfulYank · 17/01/2015 04:36

And of course it is cheating, how dare he say otherwise!

Changeitplease · 17/01/2015 05:41

Stay strong like you have been ... Your children ARE the reason why you need to get out of this relationship. You have immense strength and you will find more once you have moved on ...

SuburbanRhonda · 17/01/2015 09:25

OP, if you think it would help to speak to your faith leader, but you feel too embarrassed to go into any detail about what your husband has done, could you write it down and give it to them instead?

That way you could explain everything without actually having to say the words.

BitOutOfPractice · 17/01/2015 09:36

Morning eggplanty. Hope you got some sleep

The pp makes a good point. Your sleazy husband has undoubtedly broken his wedding vows. That he made before God and your family and friends. I wonder if he mentioned that to your religious leader? I bet he didn't!

TendonQueen · 17/01/2015 09:53

I agree that regardless of the cheating question, this is behaviour that in religious terms is wrong. It dishonours his marriage vows and you as his wife. No religious leader with any sound moral sense would try to condone it. They may try to get you to forgive it, but that's another matter. And even then, you could forgive him for what he's done but decide that you didn't want to stay married to him. He has broken the vows with his sleazy behaviour, not you.
Also, you have nothing to be ashamed of in talking to the religious leader. It's not your sin. The suggestion of writing it down is a good one. You could also print out (or take with you on a memory stick) the screenshots of what you found, so the pastor sees exactly what's been going on. It's very likely your H has given him a much watered-down version of events.

Flimflammer · 17/01/2015 10:03

I doubt he went to the (I'm presuming) priest, and if he did there's no way on this earth he told the truth, and no way any leader worth their salt would send back the message calm down. If you want to call his bluff tell him you are going to discuss it with the priest, as he already knows all about it anyway. Once you have more strength maybe an anullment might be an option, since he was not honest when he made his vows or at any point before or after.

Easy for all of us to offer this advice when we aren't in your state of emotional turmoil. The most important thing at the moment is you. Are you still in pain? If you are could you ring 101 if you can't call the midwives? There is no limit on the number of times you can call the Samaritans, and they work by email too. Well done, really be proud that you had the strength and sense of self preservation to make those phone calls. You and your children deserve so much more than this. Please call your parents again.

FolkGirl · 17/01/2015 11:25

Hi op

What are his parents like? When my exh's behaviours were uncovered, the first person I told was his mum. He did all the minimising and blaming me to my face etc but his parents..?

Well I thought I was taking a risk; he was the golden boy of the family afterall, but I had no one else.

But actually his mum was amazing. She told him the was a "fucking cunt" amongst other things and made him feel so much worse than I ever could!

All I'm saying is, don't jump to conclusions. You may be surprised and find support the in the unlikeliest of places.

Oh and you can divorce him and your children will be fine.

Take care and be strong! :)

BuzzardBird · 17/01/2015 12:46

Eggplanty, how are you today?

CheerfulYank · 17/01/2015 17:31

I'm with you Folk. My son is only seven but if, when he's grown, I found out he's treated a partner this way...well, he better go into hiding!

flyingbunnies · 17/01/2015 18:01

My son is 12, and if I found out he was watching porn, no, I would not go mad, but I would make sure we had a serious chat about it. I don't think it is healthy for boys to grow up thinking porn represents real women and that it's a substitute for a proper relationship with their wives or partners.

If I discovered he had done this, I would make sure he knew what a bloody fool he was, and no, I would not be pleased to say the least.

flyingbunnies · 17/01/2015 18:02

*when he was older...parental controls currently reign supreme :)

HootyMcTooty · 17/01/2015 18:17

The point is, this man isn't a child, he's an adult with a wife and children and he's not "just" looking at porn. If he were my son I'd be funding OP's divorce!

OP, I hope you've managed to enjoy your function on some level and are doing ok. I hope you've managed to eat and drink something.

Lambzig · 17/01/2015 22:21

OP, I have read your thread and didn't want to read and run. My heart goes out to you. I hope you are OK too.

Allstoppedup · 17/01/2015 22:35

Hope your day went as well as possible eggy

Also hope your bump is feeling better and you've managed to eat/drink normally.

Thinking of you.Flowers

Original poster
eggplanty · 18/01/2015 01:53

Thanks everyone. Finally getting into bed after a very long day.

I'm feeling like I just want to pretend nothing happened. I don't want to have to live life as if it did. Then I can carry on as was. Sort of. Or at least I don't have to rupture.

I know that makes me a disappointment. I just can't face what dealing with this entails.

OP posts:
KingOfTheBongo · 18/01/2015 03:57

Just speculating here .... but if you are Catholics, and he has been doing this from the start of your marriage, you have a very solid case to request an annulment.

I don't think this was cheating btw. Cheating usually comes with physical attraction, emotions, marital problems; his actions seem to reveal a much deeper problem, a disorder even. He will need treatment imo (once he acknowledges he has a problem, and whatever the outcome of your relationship ).

be strong Brew

lavenderhoney · 18/01/2015 07:18

Egg, there's mo rush to do anything right now. Just knowing you want to leave might be the first step for you, then perhaps a solicitor, or a chat with a divorced friend or on here again.

His early life etc and behaviour doesn't mean he has an excuse to
treat you and you dc like this.

lapetitesiren · 18/01/2015 08:56

I'm so sorry this is happening. Can you email screen shots to someone you trust or even yourself so that the evidence is preserved. If he has taken back the phone he may take the computer

lapetitesiren · 18/01/2015 09:10

It may be helpful to you later when he minimizes and you start to feel bad. You can look back and remind yourself how real it all was.
If your religious leader sent a message to contact them they are probably concerned for you. They have most likely heard this type of thing before and will be reaching out to help you if you let them.

RumbelowSale · 18/01/2015 12:04

eggy, I too have read all this now. I understand that you may be 'counselled' to stay for his/your faith- well, they would say that, wouldn't they ?.

I'd really advise you to make an appt to contact women's aid or something similar, perhaps other posters can help with advice? Surely there must be places where there's a playroom for children while you meet an advisor? If you need a solicitor I'm sure that they'll be able to give you contact details of one you can use. It's really imperative that you're clear of your rights here and if this means that you can change the locks,...? Now wouldn't that be grand!