How can I find incognito history on Chrome?

[eggplanty]

I just came up to find an incognito window open in chrome on a website that I really would not be ok with my DH watching. Unfortunately by the I had noticed I had force shut down the laptop as it was not responding so I was not able to save the window.

Is there anyway I can find out what he is doing in incognito mode?

Bloody hell, locking you in?

He sounds scary - please do tell someone in real life, you do not need to give details except that you are not safe and need support.

He was in the house. I thinking he locked the front door so that I couldn't leave without him hearing or it taking a bit of time.

I have told him again I want him to leave. He was very upset and saying he wants to talk.

He wrote a letter. But it is the same bullshit. He keeps saying he would never have done it if he knew it would upset me.. This is making me insane. How did he think I would feel.

The worst thing is.. When I was heavily pregnant with our last he left for a long haul overseas trip just for his fun. I didn't object and sent him off with best wishes. He was rarely in contact and just bought me back something crumby.

It turns out he was paying for the most expensive private videos at this time. So he was making the most of being away in a hotel and paying girls to do 1-1 videos with him. I saw the start of one. They are chatting away. It goes for over 30 minutes. He never spoke to me for that long for the duration of this trip away. I want to die.

I cannot see how I can ever, ever, get past this. It was a huge personal sacrifice that I let him go and this is how he repays me.

I want to be sick all over everything.

I can't see any of my children's things without near breaking down. They are so little and perfect. How could he betray them?????? They do not deserve any of this. If I can I want to stay here and make their lives normal and wonderful. I just want to curl into a hole and die.

Keep repeating that he needs to leave (tell him it is just for a few nights). Tell him if he keeps refusing that you will leave and he will have to pay for a hotel for you. See how he copes with the little ones and no help, might be too knackered for his hareem then?

eggplanty -- I have been reading your posts, and my heart goes out to you.

My one comment, for what it's worth: be sick over everything. Metaphorically, use what you're feeling to up-end what needs to be upended (to preserve what doesn't, i.e. as much holding as you can for your kids), to shake things up, to clear things out.

What you are feeling must be shit. It is also a means to momentum. Harness it, while also looking after yourself. Use that heaving feeling you have to heave your ass of a husband out of the house and your life. You can do it. You really can.

Egg - you do seem to be accessing some anger. that's good; how dare he treat you like this, how dare he break up your family like this, how dare he use the family money on his own selfish desires?

They deserved to grow up in a happy family - your dc do indeed deserve to grow up in a happy family; unfortuanately, that means one in which he does not feeature, other than 'contact'. You can have a happy, secure life, they can have a happy, secure childhood, with separated parents. He can go and live in a squat (if that's all he can afford) and do whatever he wants.

And don't let him put this on you - YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME.

eggplanty, if you don't make him go and at the very minimum have a separation with counselling what will happen is that he will be good for a little while, then it will start back up again, and the next time, you won't fight so hard - and eventually you'll wake up, old, wondering where your life went.

I hate saying that, I am so sorry to say that because I know what it is like to love someone and have a situation you can't imagine leaving but if you don't show him that you are serious, that his behavior has the REAL consequence of losing you and his children - he won't ever learn.

I think he needs individual counselling to figure out quite why he feels the need to watch strangers strip on the internet. Despite how "oka" society is becoming with this behavior...it's actually not normal.

Moreover, your husband is actually supposed to be the one person in the world you can completely trust. With that gone now, he has to do the hard work to earn it back again.

My heart breaks for you because I have been there, and it is so hard to believe it and so hard to look at the face telling you that he loves you and is sorry and not want to believe it - but just try and put yourself in his shoes.

Could you have done that? Stripped and masturbated yourself for men on the internet while he was at home with the kids, in bed, at work or wherever and then come to bed afterwards and acted normal as if nothing had happened? It takes such a massive level of deception and such an astonishing lack of morals. It's hard to really see how bad it is at first (the shock takes over) but once you meet and talk to "normal" men you sort of realise most guys don't do that. Not even the single ones.

if he can lie about that and sleep at night and play the role of Mr Perfect Husband, ask yourself what happens when you are older and there's a cute young new receptionist at work. Do you think he will think twice about shagging her? Because he won't. These men have a sense of entitlement to get there kicks however they want and they will say (and even actually believe it themselves) that they "love" their wife (mine still insists he loved me desperately) BUT that just.is.not.LOVE.

Love is honest, love is truthful, love is loyal, love would never hurt or disrespect or dishonour or betray.

Some people, not just men, have this uncanny ability to compartmentalise. They put their Good side on display and do questionable things and in their minds they have a dark compartment for that stuff and they believe one has no bearing over the other.

My ex's wife before me did not like sex, was not into it, was not well groomed and she was unaffectionate. He did all the same things with her, and then when he was with me even though I was the opposite of that he did all the same things because that was just WHO HE WAS and it would have not matterred if he had been married to Angelina Jolie with nymphomania. He still would have done it.

If your DH has any chance at all of being the man you deserve, he should go into counselling, and he should learn about values, about integrity, about communication, about objectifying women for sex instead of getting his kicks form his loving partner and he should reform himself. I don't think anyone is beyond hope - but all the while it sounds like he is either trying to blame you or come up with other reasons why what he did was not that bad - he is totally unwilling to accept either responsibility or guilt.

Bad sign! Just wait till a man like that meets someone else....he will be out the door so fast your head will spin because it is all about him and what he needs.

oH op I have read all your posts with a heavy heart. I feel so sorry for you.

You need some RL support. You really do. What about you mum? Sister? Friend? You don't need to give them the whole story - just tell them you need their help

And this feeling like you'll die. Or you want to die. You won't and you don't. You have borne and raised children. YOu are a strong and resourceful women - you just need to dig down and find her. She's there, I promise.

AS for the financial abuse and the locking you in and the withholding sex thing. I don't know where to start except to say that you need to realise that your Dh is deeply and unpleasantly controlling and abusive.

We are all rootngg for you and you can be strong and tell him to fucking well get out of your home. If t makes you feel better yuo can tell him it's not ppermanent but he needs to take his smirking arse elsewhere

OP, You shouldn't stay for the children, you should leave for the children.

If you think of your children in the future can you imagine that they would want you to stay with your 'D'H for their sake.

OP, I second what others say about getting real life support. I know that in these situations, our first reaction is to feel humiliated and hurt. To feel that it is somehow a reflection on us, and that others will see it that way.

But it isn't, and they won't. You need to reach out to those close to you and tell them a bit about what you are going through. You are bound to be in a state of disbelief about this, and you need to see the shock of others, and witness their advice to leave before it will feel 'real' and before you are able to get your stuff together practically to think about how this might work.

I know it feels like turning your life upside-down, and that in many ways it would be easier to pretend that this all didn't happen. But I promise you that this is not an answer - the problem won't go away, and you will just prolong the misery for longer.

I think it would do you good to tell someone too, you can see face to face how shocked they are and put his pathetic attempts to minimize and lie about him not realizing you'd have an issue with it into perspective

Are your parents still living? Can you call your mum and say that you have had a shock and need to get away for a week, do you think you would be OK to do that? If not I would tell him to go to a hotel tonight. If he can afford all this horror he can afford to spend money to give his pregnant wife some peace of mind.

If not I think you need to speak to a midwife to check that you are OK physically. Then you need to talk to a friend or someone from church.Whatever you say to a priest or vicar will be treated in confidence. They might seem unwordly but you can be pretty sure that they have been exposed to a lot of pain and they are there to help you through this kind of thing. The thing about telling someone in real life is that they will wholly validate your feelings because no one would agree with him that what he has done is acceptable, and to say he thought you wouldn't mind is ridiculous. He won't face that if this is kept private between you two, and his efforts to get you to ignore this shock and pain, this hideous betrayal, will drive you mad.

I have said to much to him. I said he has to leave and I am going to divorce him and stay in the house. His attitude changed immediately. He demanded his phone back saying he needed to get onto with his life and has scurried off to see a solicitor I presume. I am such a fuck up I should not have showed my hand so soon.

Again he said how this was in now way cheating etc etc.

*on with his

You are not a fuck up. He is. Please remember that.

Stay strong. You are doing amazing. You need to believe you can do this. You really can.

Make sure you keep the videos/bills/etc stored in more than one place so he can't delete.
You are pregnant, have more children and you have discovered a horrible thing. Don't blame yourself for anything. Once you get a bit over the shock make yourself the promise to be the woman and mother you and your children deserve.
Try to stop saying you are an idiot, a fuck up, want to die, etc. Not useful and self-destructive. Find help in real life immediately. Go to the GP, Women's Aid, call your family. Now.
This is not your making but you can take some control if you seek help.

If you can hold onto the phone,do so. If its gone back not to worry. If he paid all this on credit cards or PayPal it is all documented and there's nothing he can do about that. As to him seeing a solicitor I really doubt it. What's he going to say, this man who is so screwed up he can't be intimate with his wife but pays strangers to do god knows what? "My wife found out my dirtiest secrets". He doesn't want this to come out, he will be in a mad panic that his world (built on his lies and all this is his fault), is going to come crashing down around him and the whole world will see his inadequacies and what kind of a man he really is.

I guess his next move will be to come to you crying, to trigger your caring impulses. If he tries this I would suggest telling him that your pain comes first in this situation.

Take care of yourself first, kids next. He is an adult and can take care of himself and at this point he should be looking after you,not putting you through hell without even saying sorry.

He already did the crying, that was last night.

I don't know how I am going to get through the next 2 days.

As to whether or not it is cheating- he has betrayed you for years. All this is 100% his fault, everything you feel is real and he needs to deal with this instead of retreating into fantasy. He is dealing with reality now, you can't just turn off your feelings because he's had enough.

Please eggplanty, find someone in real life to speak to. That's the way you will help yourself to go through many more than 2 days.

Eggplanty - I am sorry to say this because I know you are hurting and struggling right now, but I think you should contact a solicitor IMMEDIATELY and get advice. You may well need evidence of these sessions he's been having on the web. You may need evidence of other income and paperwork. I think you need someone in your corner, practically, straight away. What kind of a handle do you have on the money situation? Is there any way you can check and make sure that he isn't squirreling money away from you?

If you need someone to talk to,The Samaritan's will isten you without any judgement or pressure to act. It sometimes helps just to get the words out aloud to some one, and their service is anonymous and confidential. Talking to a friend would be better if you can bear it though,it sounds like you need practical help dealing with all this.

There is nothing wrong with what you said to him. He needs to learn a lesson and step out of planet fantasy. He is protecting his nasty little addiction. He has left you no other choice if he isn't even sorry.
I understand when you say you feel like an idiot and want to die . It's because he's taken you for a fool and you are a proud and moralistic woman.
One step at a time just get through your weekend plans hopefully without him.
Money wise I feel you would be better off than you think.

Also look, even if you had no evidence of his habit, you're still entitled to a fair settlement and he can't prove you aren't looking after the dc so the damage is limited. As long as he's not self employed and able to hide income.

Anyway his solicitor will tell him it is cheating.
Cheating away time money and trust. His defence is pathetic.

Please get real life support.

Just so you know, it's not cheating in terms of being able to divorce on the basis of adultery, but if you do ever divorce, you can state all that he has done as evidence of his unreasonable behaviour and you won't have to prove any of it.

Please speak to your priest/vicar whatever, they'll have heard it all before and won't judge you. Speak to Women's Aid, they will support you.