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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

How can I find incognito history on Chrome?

348 replies

eggplanty · 15/01/2015 12:57

I just came up to find an incognito window open in chrome on a website that I really would not be ok with my DH watching. Unfortunately by the I had noticed I had force shut down the laptop as it was not responding so I was not able to save the window.

Is there anyway I can find out what he is doing in incognito mode?

OP posts:
Tyzer85 · 16/01/2015 17:55

He is cheating and I really hope that he gets what is coming to him.

Original poster
eggplanty · 16/01/2015 18:05

Thank you. Now I'm in agonising pain on one side of my bump. I can't stand upright. I'm petrified this stress has done something to my baby. He swore on our children's life and lied and now maybe something has happened.

OP posts:
Original poster
eggplanty · 16/01/2015 18:06

I have family and friends but I'm too ashamed to tell anyone what's happening. I have to get through tomorrow.

OP posts:
Original poster
eggplanty · 16/01/2015 18:06

Everyone thinks we have a great life. Even I did.

OP posts:
SilverFishFly · 16/01/2015 18:08

He is emotionally disconnected from you. At the very least he's having emtional affairs with multiple fantasy women.

sockmatcher · 16/01/2015 18:12

Please call your midwife and get checked over.

Ring your closest friend or family Member. The shame isn't yours

Joysmum · 16/01/2015 18:13

Oh yes, and the ongoing paying for sexual titilation was one thing, the way he's treating you now you know goes way beyond what he's been doing all throughout your marriage.

Allstoppedup · 16/01/2015 18:14

I completely understand why you feel like that but YOU have nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed about.

Look after yourself and your baby, if you are having pains/worries please call your midwife, you don't have to talk about what's going on, just say you've had pains.

I hope tomorrow goes as well as it can for you.

Flimflammer · 16/01/2015 18:16

Really, never mind him and this crap for the time being. Call the midwife, tell her you have had a terrible shock, you don't have to be specific and you don't have to confide in her, but please please call asap and get checked over.

Patonthehead · 16/01/2015 18:20

Please PLEASE ring someone. Take it from me: you will be glad you did.

Drumdrum60 · 16/01/2015 18:24

I'm sure baby is fine. Ring your midwife to put your mind at rest. Don't bother about him get yourself well.

jessmay · 16/01/2015 18:38

Please, please, please talk to your family or one close trusted friend. I understand it...you are afraid if you tell someone they will hate him, and it will make it "real" but there must be someone you can trust, just one person, to share this with. If genuinely not, please go and see a counsellor right away. Also please go and see the doctor. This must be horrific to deal with this when pregnant xx

HootyMcTooty · 16/01/2015 19:50

Please call your midwife and get checked over and then tell someone in real life. What do you have to be ashamed of? He should be ashamed of himself not you. If it's no big deal in his eyes (which is what he's telling you) then he won't mind you telling anyone in RL will he? Tell someone, you have us here, but you need someone to give you a cuddle and look after you.

Sorry I opened a can of worms with the cheating thing. It is cheating, any sane person would consider it cheating, everyone who has posted on this thread considers it cheating and, more importantly, you consider it cheating. All I meant was, it doesn't fit the very narrow definition of adultery, but it's still very good grounds for divorce (if you want to do that) on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour and you don't have to provide evidence to prove what he's done, you just have to write it down.

flyingbunnies · 16/01/2015 20:26

I really feel for you, having been following this thread.

It is most certainly cheating, no doubt about it. And I am pretty liberal like that. I lokked at the site you mention, and got an idea of how it worked. I do think it is worse than using porn, because you can interact with these women, join 'fan clubs' for extra 'tokens' and so forth.

Please do get the doctor out or call your midwife. You have had your life turned upside down. It may actually make you feel better, as well, to confide in another woman.

I don't know if you mention what religion you are, I did not see it, so sorry if you did. I am hazarding a guess (by sheer numbers) that you are either a Christian or a Muslim. I do not think either community would see you as the one at fault here, very far from it.

newyear15 · 16/01/2015 20:36

Are you ok OP? Has the pain gone and have you seen the midwife or doc? I really hope you are alright x

Original poster
eggplanty · 16/01/2015 21:37

I dont want to talk to the GP or midwife as I am scared the baby will get put on some kind of social services radar. I managed to eat and have a drink. The first time since I found this out. Now I have go to do all this preparation. I keep telling myself I just have to get through this one day.

He went and spoke to our religious leader who has told him to tell me to call him. I have no idea what he told him. I know if I speak to him I will die of shame and also I will be told to forgive and never divorce.

OP posts:
Allstoppedup · 16/01/2015 21:51

Eggplanty, you won't be put on any sort of radar if you just ask your midwife to check you over. You don't even have to discuss anything or say why you want to be checked over. Just say you are having discomfort/ are concerned about movement and you need reassurance. No midwife would begrudge that and it might set your mind as ease. It's an option open to you if you feel worried.

I'm glad you've had something to eat.

As for your religious leader, only speak to who YOU want to on your terms and don't let anyone guilt trip you. Right now you need someone who will listen and support you, not someone who plans to dictate to you the morality of divorce. Again it seems like a low blow from your H. Presumably he has gone to the one person who would talk you OUT of divorce. I'll bet he's sugar coated his behaviour too, knowing you will be too embarrassed to go into further details with someone connected to your religion.

Drumdrum60 · 16/01/2015 21:54

Don't speak to to the religious leader. Things are happening to fast and your h is being manipulative.
There is no harm in speaking to your midwife, you don't have to explain yourself, just tell her you are unwell.

newyear15 · 16/01/2015 21:57

I agree - don't speak to the religious leader. How dare your husband go and get someone else involved in such an insidious way. And btw going to the midwife because you are in pain and upset will not instigate social services being called.

flyingbunnies · 16/01/2015 22:27

I am just so incredulous that he is turning this around and trying to make out you are being unreasonable! Gaslighting par excellence.

You are quite right to approach this new development with trepidation. He has no right to begin 'telling tales' of you to other people. I cannot help thinking that if he was really so concerned, he would have at least asked you to see the religious leader together.

He's a bully, and is trying to force you into accepting the unacceptable.

Original poster
eggplanty · 16/01/2015 22:28

As for your religious leader, only speak to who YOU want to on your terms and don't let anyone guilt trip you. Right now you need someone who will listen and support you, not someone who plans to dictate to you the morality of divorce. Again it seems like a low blow from your H. Presumably he has gone to the one person who would talk you OUT of divorce. I'll bet he's sugar coated his behaviour too, knowing you will be too embarrassed to go into further details with someone connected to your religion.

completely correct.

OP posts:
Original poster
eggplanty · 16/01/2015 22:29

I have some music on now and I am going to try to get as much done before 12 and then force myself to go to bed. Last night I was awake for most of the night. My head was spinning. He has gone to sleep in our bed.

OP posts:
cookietrue22 · 16/01/2015 22:39

Hope you manage to get some sleep. Good luck tomorrow OP. X

Allstoppedup · 16/01/2015 22:54

Grrr @ him swanning off to your bed.Angry

Expected level of selfishness though.

Get rested OP and as always, look after yourself and bump. I do hope your event tomorrow goes well for you. Flowers

GloopySoupy · 16/01/2015 23:08

I have family and friends but I'm too ashamed to tell anyone what's happening. I have to get through tomorrow.

What exactly are you ashamed of? Which part of it? Him not wanting to have sex with you? Him cheating like this? That your life is not as perfect as other people thought?

What do you fear from other people's reactions?

You might find it easier to talk to a friend you are not especially close to.

I have a wide range of acquaintances and for some reason I am often the first person they speak to about their bad partners/other problems. It's like I am the guinea pig they are tentatively doing research with - finding a way to raise the subject, finding words to give a hint of what is going on, watching my reaction closely, saying a bit more, backtracking, realising that the world hasn't caved in and eventually looking like they just ripped of a plaster (pained but relieved). Afterwards they usually proceed to talk to their real friends properly. Could you imagine doing that with one of your less close friends?