I only want a man for sex...

[Sundayplease]

...and fixing things. That's it.

I think I could be happy with no lifelong partner but just a few men in my life to help me out with the practical stuff and the sex.

They are the only two things I miss about not being in a relationship.

I have plenty of friends for the companionship, having a laugh, doing stuff like meals out, cinema, etc. I have dc and family I see regularly and am very close to.

The thought of sharing my home with someone, even just the staying over, all the compromising, putting up with what they want to watch on the tv, their fussy eating habits, their toilet habits, ugh, it really puts me off. The thought of sharing a bed with a man for a whole night, morning breath, stale farts, alcohol fumes, flabby bodies, hair and sweat, smelly socks, makes me feel sick. I am not exaggerating.

Does anyone feel the same way or is there something wrong with me?

I am 50 and have never lived with a man (am actually sort of proud of this). I have not engaged in a monogamous relationship for 22 years, either. Right now, I am not particularly bothered about finding a FB or FWB as I'm too busy, but I know 100% that living with a romantic partner is NEVER going to be part of my life.
I think the reason there is so much cultural pressure on women not to be single (and propaganda to the effect that we are all miserable and desperate) is simply because, when women realise that they can not only survive but thrive without a live-in male partner, then men will have to do their own housework.

not the old housework thing again... surely most men in these enlightened times do not expect women to do it all

So Mini do you think I am happier without a man because I'm a pillow-plumper or constant hooverer????

That's frankly hilarious!!!!!!!!!!! And so misses the point.

There are people in my house. My house has life in it.. even if it were just me, im alive.

I am freeer to invite pwople over as well.

I like being in a relationship too. I can see why it's good to be single as well (and I did enjoy being single when I was) but it's just my personality/nature - I like being coupled up. But I wouldn't accept just any relationship, like I did in the past.

Nope, it doesn't miss the point. The point is that many women do not want to live with a man because its a PITA, they can be untidy, controlling, dirty, lazy, bossy...

I get that you can have far more freedom being without such a creature. My point is that if I had such a creature I would bin it too and think "never again" but not all men are like this. But then many are just simply a bit messy or whatever. I guess I am laid back over things and don't get too upset about a bit of mess, especially when I know that I won't be the only person picking it up. As long as I have chosen fairly reasonable people to live with, they support my life and add value. They make no extra work, so why would I then choose to be on my own. If anything I find it easier being with someone than not, but that is because the someone adds value. If they didn't I might be thinking like everyone else. Except I don't want to shag a man with stinking feet, smelly socks who farts all the time. Why would I even consider sleeping with "something" that I would hold in disdain and wouldn't give house-room?

That's your opinion Mini. Everyone is different.

all the compromising, putting up with what they want to watch on the tv, their fussy eating habits, their toilet habits, ugh, it really puts me off. The thought of sharing a bed with a man for a whole night, morning breath, stale farts, alcohol fumes, flabby bodies, hair and sweat, smelly socks, makes me feel sick

What in gods name would induce a women to share spit with that? I genuinely don't understand how you could have sex with that.

If it's all so lovely mini, how come you have to lock yourself in the office because it gets too much?

I can't think of any time since not co habiting that I've felt the need to do that. It just doesn't happen. Like never.

That's sort of the revelation of not living with a partner, however marvellous they are.

After 24 years my husband has been pants but sadly so good at sex. Very considerate & amazingly good.....everything else is shit!

I can shut myself in my office and study from home because I am not doing 100% of the domestic labour.

I agree with SGB post, but that doesn't mean that I have to personally elect to live on my own and not have someone share the burden of paying bills, and keeping the house.

If women will insist on playing wife, then fine. Only later they insist that living alone is so much better, I bet it is.

But not all men are: all the compromising, putting up with what they want to watch on the tv, their fussy eating habits, their toilet habits, ugh, it really puts me off. The thought of sharing a bed with a man for a whole night, morning breath, stale farts, alcohol fumes, flabby bodies, hair and sweat, smelly socks, makes me feel sick

If you met one that matches that description you wouldn't give it houseroom, agreed, but how in gods name could you have sex with it?

If you met one that doesn't fit that description you might share my opinion and think that living with him is actually rather better than not living with him.

Nobody does! That isn't the whole relationship, neither do most people have all of those things wrong at once. Some don't have any! And putting the list together like that makes it sound far worse than it is.

Putting up with TV = hardly the hardship of the century.
Fussy eating = maybe they have similar tastes or they don't enjoy eating out very often so it doesn't really matter anyway.
Toilet habits = might be a bigger deal for one person than another. TBH I don't even know what my DH's toilet habits are because we don't share that.
Sharing a bed = again personal preference.
Morning breath = and yours smells like roses? Just don't breathe in each others' faces.
Stale farts = hardly worse than DC. And some people find farting funny.
Alcohol fumes = hardly "fumes" unless you're with an alcoholic!
Flabby bodies = Again, and you're miss world?
Hair and sweat = whatever your tolerance. Some women like a hairy chest.
Smelly socks = I'm sure he can wash them himself.

I think what you're trying to say is that a relationship can be great as long as you're with someone you actually like. Which is also what basically everyone else on the thread has said.

Smelly feet would be a dealbreaker for me it must be said. But I don't mind the occasional fart or a bit of morning breath. That's what spooning was invented for

Mini I don't get why you're so angry. Lots of people have already made that point, we agree with you!

It just happens to also be a valid opinion to prefer living alone. I prefer living with someone. I can still "understand" that living alone might be preferable, to someone who is not me.

Yes living alone might be preferable for some people, yes agreed. Not for me. If though I fell into "wife work" or I met someone matching this list of abhorrent attributes, I wouldn't consider anything with them let alone living with them. But I do think its a valid argument to say that if you meet the right person there are more benefits to living with them than there are downsides.

I am not angry but if you re-read, a lot of what I have said it is said with some irony, a bit of humour but the argument is I think logical.

I grew up in a house with people not of my choosing, just as most of us do. I am used to being around people. I can happily co-exist under the same roof. We once rented out rooms and I have lived in a few houseshares. As a child we had a constant stream of visitors, some stayed 15 mins others stayed weeks. I am not stuck in any routine, I don't have a cleaning routine, I don't loose sleep over cleaning loos, or worry about what people think. I don't much care what I eat but eating alone is miserable. I just think life is better with people around. I don't have any desire to be alone or do everything on my own.

This idea of being a single adult living alone is a modern conception. Liberalism gone mad, individualism gone too far, selfishness and lack of compromise its result. Good or bad? Its also very bad for the environment and people are losing the ability to empathise and share.

Shonasnow you need to read this board a bit more.

I'd be more focused on the man's personality. I kind of take it as a given that I wouldn't be cleaning up after him. It wouldn't get to the living together stage if that was a spanner in the works.

I'm like you BertieBotts, would prefer to be in a couple but it has to be right, has to be great. And housework is a bit of a red herring for me, it has nothing to do with why I'm single. Turning it in to an issue of how laid back you are about housework that's not just missing one point it's missing several.

As others have already mentioned I do think we are conditioned to think cohabiting is what we should be aiming for, yet I think it's one of the least romantic things a couple can do. I've done it once, briefly, and am pretty sure i wouldn't want to do it again. However, when I'm really fond of someone I do like to spend evenings with them, so my ideal scenario would be a semi-detached house; I live in one half, he lives in the other, and we visit each other. That way we have our independence, but are close.

"This idea of being a single adult living alone is a modern conception. Liberalism gone mad, individualism gone too far, selfishness and lack of compromise its result. Good or bad? Its also very bad for the environment and people are losing the ability to empathise and share."

Seriously? People have been living alone since time immemorial. There have always been bachelors, widow(er)s, & divorcés. It's pretty much only been single by choice or divorced women who have been looked askance at in the past. A single man has always been 'ok' as far as society goes. It has nothing to do with 'liberalism' 'selfishness' or 'compromise'. Perhaps individualism in that people are more willing to do what makes them happy rather than what society expects of them. And I don't think that's bad at all.

No one is losing empathy or ability to share. They may be have more of these qualities as they are happier on their own rather than in a live-in situation. And 'bad for the environment'? I don't think so.

History often dictated that women had to have a man to survive financially.

In modern society where women work or are looked after by the state has made this a choice not a necessity, thank goodness.

I've only lived with a man twice, once for 4 years and once for 2. The rest of the time I have lived alone or bringing up children alone.

Never gone short of sex and although the idea of meeting someone I want to have a full blown relationship is still in my thoughts, I doubt it will happen so am happy to have someone to share the finer things in life with rather than my living space.

That's kurrrrrayzee minnie.

I'm not living alone to be liberal. I just haven't met somebody. And I have a lot of empathy.

HelenaDove I think I need to read it less

The idea of a single adult living alone is liberalism gone mad?
eh?