I only want a man for sex...

[Sundayplease]

...and fixing things. That's it.

I think I could be happy with no lifelong partner but just a few men in my life to help me out with the practical stuff and the sex.

They are the only two things I miss about not being in a relationship.

I have plenty of friends for the companionship, having a laugh, doing stuff like meals out, cinema, etc. I have dc and family I see regularly and am very close to.

The thought of sharing my home with someone, even just the staying over, all the compromising, putting up with what they want to watch on the tv, their fussy eating habits, their toilet habits, ugh, it really puts me off. The thought of sharing a bed with a man for a whole night, morning breath, stale farts, alcohol fumes, flabby bodies, hair and sweat, smelly socks, makes me feel sick. I am not exaggerating.

Does anyone feel the same way or is there something wrong with me?

Ooh ooh, get you MadeMan

anybody would think you came on here to chat up women....

I guess it just means letting go of traditional expectations and being able to tell other people to bugger off and mind their own business.

That's it exactly, Bewitched. I know a lot of my friends, family and work colleagues struggle trying to 'figure me out' sometimes. Some of them just don't quite understand me because a lot of my choices, past and present, aren't conventional. I'm not vocal about my private life, but I'm subtly honest if asked something directly. I've lost count of the amount of times I've been having a conversation with somebody when they've learned that I'm single (and have been for some time), and they've then gotten this really pitiful look in their eyes before saying something tripe like, "Oh, you've just not met him yet. Give it time." I practically break out in hives every time I hear it. I find it so offensive. And when I respond by saying that I am perfectly happy with things the way they are, you can see the does not compute message flashing through their brains.

If a man is alone, he's branded a bachelor and congratulated. If a woman chooses to stay alone, it's seen as not really a choice - she's just sad and a bit pathetic, something to pity. Or possibly gay. It's very frustrating. Personally, I've learned to wave the middle finger flag at them. What they think doesn't matter in the long run.

It's fine, as a concept (if an oddly un sexy one to my mind) but can only really work if the woman is not too attracted to the man.

I can say with wholehearted honesty IfNotNow that any of the previous FWB setups I have had that came to an end (due to growing attraction) were never on account of my emotions getting in the way. I can think of quite a few that I ended because I knew the man was getting in too deep, so I had to sever ties. In nearly nine years I have never gotten myself into hot water by falling for a FB. It's about being very clear with yourself and what you want/what you are capable of giving/receiving.

Or stick to tinder. There's literally NO point trying to do internet dating becauuse it's just crawling with men who only want fuck buddies. Lovely.

There's nothing wrong with men or women only wanting a fuck buddy Junglen. I'm a member on a couple of dating websites and have met quite a few of mine through them. My profile specifically states that I'm not looking for anything serious, just as theirs have. I'm not sure I understand what you're getting at...?

AcrossthePond I like the idea of a companion. A boyfriend seems to imply long-term commitment which is something I don't want. Although a companion doesn't sound quite as exciting .

With my last boyfriend I started off just wanting to have fun and enjoy each other's company and then I did end up falling in love with him and talking about the whole marriage and children thing until it went badly tits up. So I'm quite reluctant to enter into a traditional boyfriend/girlfriend relationship for the time being as it ended up turning into something that I didn't want at the start and I'm back to not wanting it. It seems very hard to find a man who doesn't want marriage, children or a place together but wants a long-term relationship. Especially men in their 30s, as most of them seem to be either desperate to settle down or eternally playing the field.

I've never had a FWB but I'm very interested in having one. I think having someone who you're genuinely friends with, have sex and don't make demands on each other's time sounds ideal. As for the emotional side of it, well I won't know until I do it but even so I think I'll be okay. I slept with an ex boyfriend once (yes I know, VERY bad idea), the relationship had ended for various reasons and I knew there was definitely no going back. But I really fancied him and missed the sex so we ended up in bed together. He seemed happy with it, was joking about it being a booty call so I naively assumed we were on the same page. Anyway, he later started talking about how he wanted to get back with me and he thought that was why I'd slept with him. That was not what I'd said at all, I'd made it very clear that I wasn't interested in going back there. I surprised myself by how detached I felt, I did still love him but I knew it was just sex and I was happy with that. Maybe I'm odd.

I think if I was in a FWB situation and I did start to get feelings for them then I would end it and move on, unless it's reciprocated in which case, great. I'm not sure I'd even tell them though as I'd feel it was unfair me moving the goal posts so I'd probably just make my excuses.

accrossthepond I have one of those. A buddy without the fucking. If I wanted to sleep with him, and he wanted to sleep with me, then he'd be my boyfriend, but I don't and he doesn't so we don't and he isn't a fuck buddy, he's a friend. I feel like a weirdo reading this thread with the fuckbuddies galore

pandora over christmas I met two older relatives, one a man, one a woman.

The man has been widowed less than a year and seems to be dating a neighbour who brought him a shepherd's pie, he's in his late 70s. The woman, also in her 70s but early 70s I think, met a man on a bridge holiday. I don't know what my relatives think of me that I can't pull somebody out of a hat when two elderly relatives have managed it.

Junglen & Pandora

Our society is just so damned determined to 'couple' everyone off! Even when you've had a wonderful marriage and are content that you've known all the marital happiness you want. I wish people would just keep their own expectations to themselves!

My mum was widowed after 52 years of a storybook marriage. A few years later one of their 'couple friends' lost his beloved wife. 'John' and mum continued the friendship they'd all known as couples. It was a great source of comfort and companionship to relive memories and talk about their lost spouses. But his daughter was bound and determined to make it 'more', as were many of their friends. I felt (as did they) that it was disrespectful to them as well as the memories of my dad and 'John's' late wife. Why couldn't everyone just leave them be? Because we all have to be 'coupled'. Pah!!

My cousin had disastrous and painful experiences since her divorce because she felt you 'have to be part of a couple'. She's finally realized that she doesn't and is now in a 'companionship'. She's much happier.

If everyone would just let everyone alone, we'd be happier. And it would probably be more likely that a 'singleton' would find someone to share their time with because the pressure to 'couple' would be gone.

Sunday you commented that 'you prefer the real thing.' Does this mean you don't have a vibrator?

pandora there is nothing wrong with having sex with an ex as long as you both know why and are single and careful.
i have had the odd reminisce with several of mine and it was fine. It is not weird to be able to keep your emotions out of it.

Having left a 14yr marriage 18 months ago, I'm now adjusting to the surprising realisation that I don't want to co-habit ever again. I have met a new guy and he is great, but I have zero interest in washing his pants or parenting his dc (have just realised I would rather gauge my eyes out than blend dc - yuk - just yuk).

What I find most tedious is all the buying, planning, cooking proper meals that comes with living with a guy - such a drag. I love grazing or just a can of soup/sandwich of an evening. Co-habiting seems just such, work from that perspective - very labour intensive.

New guy has awoken a libido however that I never knew existed though Better than a vibrator, certainly (agree with Sunday there). Although for me man + vibrator = ideal

I feel if this new boyf doesn't work out, I shall be off looking for a fwb (no idea how I would go about it though).

Who knew!!!!!

handywoman do you have dc?

Agree with you about the meal planning thing that is probably my biggest bugbear about living with a man!

vinotime my life is quite similar to yours, so I wasn't judging you. What I meant was, there are fewer and fewer ways left to meet a man who is capable of forming a connection. Every avenue seems to be just about sex now. Bars, tinder (fair enough) but normal dating sites too?! Is there nowhere where the default assumption is that you're not just looking for sex. church?

Anyway, although I would like a bf/partner, he would have to be so marvellous because i'm happy on my own now and I don't want to get married and I've had children so I'm relaxed about it (even though I'm a lot older than you, in my 40s)

thisisnow yes I have 2 dc

I agree with you handywoman, trying to blend two families sounds like torture to me.

if my marriage ever ends, I would never marry/cohabit again

I notice a lot of posts who are in favour already have kids. Kind of been there done that. Now it's about me .

Yes I have no intention of spending my time preparing food for a man. Been there, done that. It's the rocky road if you ask me.

And sometimes I am happy with a sandwich and a cup of tea instead of an evening meal.

The last guy I was with would visit me in the evening. I would hear his stomach rumbling and I still wouldn't offer him anything.

It's good to hear so many of us are on the same page.

Yes, glad I'm in good company, I'm starting out again for the first time since getting shot of my third rate stbxh. Was feeling a bit of a freak!

I naively thought if I really liked a guy, the whole cohabit/blended family thing would naturally follow. But I am realising that both cohabiting and blended family things are horrifying thoughts.

Maybe something to do with being treated so awfully for so long and at such huge cost to me (ended up a shell on antidepressants). Like I would only put myself through it for my own kids/the father of my own kids.

But actually I think it might just be a more general rejecting of the whole notion, thanks very much. Just, 'been there, done that and found it very hard work.

Living just me and the kids is so. much. easier.

Wifework (the book) is so true.

Not read Wifework will check it out!

Reading wife work is as tedious as doing wife work, perhaps a bit more so.

Never been single except for a brief time when I rented a house on my own in my twenties. I hated it. I like men, like their company. I have been lucky maybe.

I can't fathom why anyone would want sex with someone who in their opinion has stinky socks, or flab, or subjects them to stinking farts, or has poor hygiene. I simply wouldn't find them attractive, but I would rather share a house with one of those than share my bed, even if it were part time, Yuk.

Any man I have had sex with, I can safely say I would live with them, all three of them as long as he can pay for a cleaner or he can match me for effort then I'm fine. But then I am not house proud and I don't see it as my responsibility to patrol the loos or pick up after others.

When it all gets too much I shut myself in my office, take myself out, go away for a few days...but I would absolutely hate to be on my own. I love my house full of people, a house is only home when it has life in it, and animals, and mud, and dust, and books and laughter.

Those things you describe as home Mini, none of those are exclusive to cohabiting couples.
How odd.

Yes my house has people, laughter, mud, animals, books. It has significantly more laughter in it without the man!

wow mini

those single parents must have really, really sad lives eh

books? you can't have books if you live on your own?
I guess it would make you go out to the library more often

I am not suggesting that single parents lives are miserable, many friends are single and happy. Have no worries if DP mutated into something really unbearable I would be single too! in fact I might be anyway, fairly soon, but it isn't because of his domestic habits.

No, I'm making the point that some of the arguments in favour of living alone, eating when you want, having a clean ordered home, not picking up socks, not having to ever clean up after someone, is all well and good, but what if everyone is picking up after others. What if living with "him" means he cooks for you, mine does most days. Yes he misses but I am not chief loo cleaner so someone, sometimes, but rarely me sees and cleans up. For all I know he might piss on the loo seat everytime, if he does he must clean it up most of the time. I am not vaguely worried about plumping up cushions, straightening curtains or hoovering every five minutes. So maybe being more laid back just makes it easier to co-habit. That's all!