Being the OW

[almamatters]

I'm ashamed to admit it, but I am. I know "my kind" are not welcome really.....and rightly so...but is there anywhere I CAN go? To talk this through...I don't want sympathy, it's undeserved. I dislike myself a lot for what I'm doing, but it was never with malicious intent and has never been guilt free.....I've fallen for him and I know it will only end in tears...for myself and for her. I don't even know why I'm writing this but I feel like I'm going mad :-(

[pausingforbreath]

Almamatters

..I've fallen for him and I know it will only end in tears...for myself and for her. I don't even know why I'm writing this but I feel like I'm going mad :-(

From your original post .... Just this. You know it will end in tears, so don't do it to yourself,walk away.

My Dh had his affair with a close work colleague , it did all end in very many tears. Not just hers & mine but also his too.
I very much accept it was down to my Dh's 'fault' the affair happened ; but also at the time completely 'lost more respect' for OW as it broke her but she had got into that relationship knowing it would end in tears.

He may not be married, you may not feel that their relationship is a great one - but you do know as fact he had a girlfriend who he says he loves.
When you decided to start a 'relationship' with him based on those facts you also 'told' him you were prepared to be his plaything that he could mess about. That it would 'end in tears'.

I suspect he's more in love with himself than with either of you- getting to play two women, with one of them knowing but still managing to pull it off ; my opinion doesn't matter - but you knowing you're damaging your own worth does, get out now before it does huge damage to you.