Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

DH is a bit Girly/Disorganised - Anyone Else Have One of these?

473 replies

JessieJJJ · 31/12/2014 11:16

...and how to cope, because its driving me mad?

This week for example, we went to the cinema, I booked the tickets, but it was a new cinema and we couldn't find it. This was after a minor drama where he lost his jacket. So we were wandering about the town, looking for it. He wouldn't ask anyone, so I had to approach 3 passers by to ask for directions, but by then he had wandered off. He wouldn't answer his phone so by the time he eventually stumbled across it, we had missed the first 40 minutes of the film.

Then after the film had ended, he had lost his car keys in the cinema. Fortunately someone had handed them in, but not before we had searched the entire cinema and I had been accused of "taking them".

We then went away in the car for a couple of days. I was going to book the first night's accommodation in a hotel but he asked me not to, as he didnt' want to be tied down. So I ended up paying nearly double to stay in the very same hotel as the on the door price was more expensive than the internet. I said he could do the accommodation for the second night, but we couldn't find anywhere, and were driving around for about 3 hours looking. A lot of places were closed and eventually we only found somewhere by pulling up at a tourist information board, me phoning various numbers on my phone and getting someone to open up a self catering apartment. DH's phone had ran out of power so he couldnt' do any phoning. He then sulked for most of the next day because he ended up paying £100 to stay in a self catering apartment for one night - he literally wouldn't speak to me or answer any questions until about 3pm.

We took it in turns to drive home, neither of us like Tom Toms but I am very good at map reading, so I gave him good directions when he was driving. As soon as we swapped, he gave me several wrong directions involving lengthy detours off the motorway into small villages, etc.. Even when we were visiting an attraction, he stood next to a massive sign saying "Exit" and announced "I'm really lost now, I can't find my way out".

He works as an engineer so should be quite practical, and he is only 45...but he seems to specialise in putting things on upside down or the wrong way round, you would think the law of change would mean he would be wrong maybe only 50% of the time but no, he bucks that trend. If you say "take the first exit at the roundabout" he is more likely to randomly take the third exit, if you say "go left" you cannot trust him not to go right.

It might sound funny but its actually incredibly stressful for me, as if I don't keep a constant watch on him, he might wander off and get lost. And driving in the dark and heavy rain late at night looking for a way back to the motorway isn't much fun. But he's quite rude with it?

OP posts:
PerpetualStudent · 01/01/2015 14:30

Divorce him and enrol on a genders studies course. You are in desperate need of De Beauvoir and your DH is in need of a slap.

ocelot7 · 01/01/2015 14:49

I loved some of de Beauvoir's books but in RL she stayed with a man who caused her much grief & would be perfect LTB material!

Waltermittythesequel · 01/01/2015 14:54

Gallic excellently put.

vinegarandbrownpaper · 01/01/2015 20:08

ah. Its a shame if it was sympathy-seeking. The language used is judgemental so perhaps that's why it sounded dismissive of your dh. It must be annoying if you are missing things etc. The last time I remember being with someone flaky.. and who called me flaky.. it was all power plays so maybe I'm filtering. .but its definitely worth trying acceptance over mithering for a bit in my view

dalekanium · 01/01/2015 22:11

You could get an engineer with an ASD to devise a predictive formula on the likelihood of losing a jacket while out shopping, but it would only inform him that he needs more spare jackets! He wouldn't be able to follow with "make sure I've always got my jacket" because it would cause him constant anxiety

Oi !

I'M an engineer

(Hint I don't have a penis)

GallicShrug · 01/01/2015 22:14

Sorry, dalek Grin I was painfully conscious that I'd masculinised engineers - but, on this thread, I reckoned my life would be easier if I stuck to male.

Drumdrum60 · 01/01/2015 22:26

Maybe he is putting his dick elsewhere. His mind is elsewhere and doesn't have sex or if he does he complains ? Check his porn use.

dalekanium · 01/01/2015 22:57

gallic no worries!

Grin

Seemed a bit double standards for me to let that one slide on this thread, give my real life is one uphill slog against unconscious bias!!

badbaldingballerina123 · 02/01/2015 00:24

I don't think the hysteria about the word girly was warranted at all.

YonicSleighdriver · 02/01/2015 00:37

" the hysteria about the word girly"

Oh, the irony...

GallicShrug · 02/01/2015 00:40

Oh, Yonic, you're flapping about and stamping your little feet now, aren't you.

You're beautiful when you roll your eyes Wink

comedancing · 02/01/2015 01:06

Immediate response is dispraxia..my ds has dyspraxia and has all that losing jacket keys etc...can be extremely stressful...l would check it out as already suggested

Coyoacan · 02/01/2015 04:19

Oh dear, haven't read the entire thread, just wanted to register my disgust at the use of the work girly. Yuck, yuck, yuck

SmillasSenseOfSnow · 02/01/2015 05:39

I have read the thread and would also like to register my disgust.

It's those sorts of 'girly' stereotypes (and others to do with 'feminine' behaviours, interests, clothing, affectations) that have made me miserable from my mid-teens and onwards because I assumed there must be something wrong with me if I couldn't identify properly with my own gender (or if I refused to play the role in order to satisfy young men's expected perception of me - after repeatedly pushing myself to try various elements of it and torturing myself with confusion and guilt re. how much it felt like I was actively injuring my own self-worth).

Olbasaddict · 02/01/2015 06:20

I can't believe people were actually trying to minimise her use of the word...these same people would probably be foaming at the mouth if she had used a degrading word to compare him to a person with disability, or an ethnic minority. Sexism is as bad as racism and any other kind of prejudice....AS BAD!! Very depressing to see a woman degrade her own sex like that.

Whenwillwe3meetagain · 02/01/2015 07:56

I can't believe the OP says she has very high standards when choosing a man and stuck with this one...

NorthEasterlyGale · 02/01/2015 08:15

Well, side-stepping the whole debate around what are / aren't offensive terms (and I haven't read every post as I got a bit bogged down in it all) I just wanted to ask whether OP has considered Relate or some other sort of couples counselling?

To be honest, OP, your frustration (bordering on dislike I feel) with your DH comes across loud and clear from your posts and I wonder whether some time apart might be good for you both? I know you say you've been working away, but maybe a more 'official' separation with clear communication around why / what it means / how it will work / ground rules etc might give you both time to reflect on your relationship and whether there is (or whether you both want to find) a way forward?

BrainyMess · 02/01/2015 10:21

Hi OP

I've recently had a ASD level 1 (Aspergers) dx, I'm female mid-forties and an engineer.

To me it sounds like your DH could have ASD possibly others co-morbidities.

However until he takes responsibility for himself things will not get better for either of you.

From what I read it seems he is sticking his head in the sand and expecting you to pick up the mess when it goes tits up, which is grossly unfair on you.

To live well with ASD, taking responsibility for managing the condition is essential I'd say.

Since he is no where near accepting responsibility for his behaviour (whether or not caused by ASD) I'd be questioning whether to continue in such a relationship.

HTH

unlucky83 · 02/01/2015 12:56

Ahhh for all the people foaming over the word girly - is the word puerile not acceptable either - as that is also sexist?

HouseWhereNobodyLives · 02/01/2015 13:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SaucyMare · 02/01/2015 13:22

Ahhh for all the people foaming over the word girly - is the word puerile not acceptable either - as that is also sexist?

It's not a word I really use, but it's not quite the same. Most people don't know the Latin origin of the word puerile. Everyone knows what a girl is.

totally agree House I was about to go and look the word up to find the root, and i am the sort of person who gets my OED word of the day email.

SaucyMare · 02/01/2015 13:24

ok so back, and the meaning has changed since it's latin origin

adjective
1.
of or relating to a child or to childhood.
2.
childishly foolish; immature or trivial:
a puerile piece of writing.

according the the masses it is no longer a sexist term.

HouseWhereNobodyLives · 02/01/2015 13:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HouseWhereNobodyLives · 02/01/2015 13:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HouseWhereNobodyLives · 02/01/2015 13:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Swipe left for the next trending thread