2015! A fresh start! Anyone leaving there partner in the new year? Can we support each other?

[Happyandsimple]

H everyone, I wondered if there are others who are leaving there partners in the new year? I feel so alone, and would like to meet others, know what steps your taking, what stage your on? have you told your partners its over? Do you know were you will be going? Just thought it would be nice to support each other through this. Because momments, I feel weak and almost change my mind. but I know this is for the best for me

First of , I am sorry if you are in this situation. I am planning to leave my husband in the new year, I'm a mum of 2, and my marriage is most definitely over due to Domestic Abuse. and my husband draining me financially and every other way. working 50 hours a week doing 2 jobs. studying,. while he just works 4 days a week. I'm exhausted , and suddenly realized I am worth more.

Hope to hear from you soon :) x

I am leaving......I swing from excited and hopeful to worried, anxious and sad.

It is going to take a while to save up and find somewhere to live.

Thanks for starting this thread - and you are right - you are worth more!

Hi Happy and Turning can I join you.

I have had the year from hell, much of it my own fault but was my reaction to years of hellish control and lies from DH.

Like Turning I have set myself the goal of saving some money to act as a buffer because I am not working, I am a student.

Happy I read your thread yesterday, you are right, you are worth so much more.

We all deserve to be happy and 2015 will be the year to make sure this happens

I am anxious and worried about practical matters but I am excited to think that I will be able to just breath.

Turning Thanks so much for joining, and I want to give you a big hug as I know its not easy, and thats what I am doing trying to save up, I feel all those feelings!

TheGuiltEatsMe Hi hun , obvcourse you can join, your username makes me sad, I just want to give you a cuddle, if you ever want to talk about this guilt thats eating you , I'm here.

How cuould it be your fault! It probably wasnt! Thank you so much , we can talk about the practical matters! as i feel the same, wondering how it will all work out! i need to talk it out lol :) xx Here for you guys and thanks so much for being here .

Hi, can I join too.
I told my husband it was over yesterday, he packed his bags and is staying with his brother.

Feeling pretty shitty and not sure if I've done the right thing, but I guess deep down I know I have.

Here's to 2015

I'll join you - I think! I have trouble following my heart but deep down ending my marriage is I know the right thing for me. However, I struggle to think I can go through with it when I think about our children but I've been so unhappy for years. We separated for a while earlier this year and admits he has been a terrible husband. The sad thing is he trying so hard now and I feel like a bitch ending it as it will break his heart. But I also know just too much damage has been done and no matter how hard I try I just can't make myself love him enough. I have constant jelly legs and poor breathing from the anxiety of worrying about it all. Do any of you have children together? Wishing you strength ladies x

Hi Fruit ((hugs)) I guess each day gets easier, it is very early days. It is probably natural to swing from being certain to having doubts.

Mine doesn't know what I want, I am being a coward, so very impressed fruit I just can't be so brave. Do you have DCs and is your DH likely to be reasonable over the practical issues?

Today we had another chat, brought about by his playing about the the home hub security settings. His controlling knows no bounds. He had blocked various websites I use, just for jollies! He then follows me around taking over every task I start. I think he knows deep down that its dead, but is desperate. I am just desperate to keep things calm and normal until I have seen CA and sorted out how I shall live. I feel selfish.

Hi Ever X-posted. Yes to the jelly legs and feeling like I can't breath because of anxiety. I have two ds aged 10 and 15 nearly.

My worry is living with this anxiety on a practical level and looking after the children. Surely this will only get worse once I pluck up the courage! I have actually given up trying and I can tell he knows something is wrong but don't thing he wd ever say anything to acknowledge it as he'd be too afraid of what it means. I just obsess about what splitting will do to my kids but I can't live this lie anymore :( x

Helloooo

I'm leaving my abusive angry depressed lazy partner of 5 years in the new year.

I have to suffer holiday starting tomorrow with him as it's booked and ds will enjoy himself. After that I'm done.

He ruined Christmas for me, I was crying all night Christmas Eve after he intimidated and shouted at me in front of ds because I asked him an innocuous question.

He's had most of my twenties, he's not having my thirties.

ever I feel you on the 'too much has happened' bit.

Even when so tries to be nice now, it's too little too late. He's done too much.

He screamed at me while in labour on way to hospital because I asked him to slow down over bumps as it hurt. How can one forgive something like that? That's one of many things.

Hi theguilteatsme , we have two young children, ones 2 and a half, the other is almost 1. Sadly he's never shown much interest in either,especially the youngest until now. I think he will be pretty reasonable., he's already told me he will set up a direct debit for the children so I don't have to go through csa, and that he will help to pay to move my belongings. So I guess that's something.
Ever I know what you mean, we've argued and discussed for months and nothing changed until I told him I had been looking at other places to live, he started to help a little more with the kids, but the damage was done by then.

Now that it's happened, I don't really feel like he's that bothered, he told me he didn't love me either, and that he hasn't for a while. He seems more upset about the impression it gives, that he's a part time dad, than about me or the kids. Suppose it makes it easier that way for both of us.

Me and my ex finished 2 weeks ago. And am 25 weeks pregnant I done everything and nothin was good anuff in my r/ship... X

Oh me. Things not been right for about 8-10 years and I just didn't have the guts to do anything about it. Well, now I have. Anything is better than pretending. 2015 is going to be a fucking turning point in my life and I'm so bloody excited. Told him I want to separate, we just need to work out practicalities and finances. I'm really, really excited.

TeeBee I need your energy!! Have had two glasses of red wine and am feeling positive and know it's the right thing. However, in the cold light of day I chicken out because he is trying so hard and I am a people pleaser. I used to be so driven!! I've settled for so bloody little in life what is wrong with me?!! Natalie I so feel for you being pregnant, have you got support around you? I can so relate to so many things you are all saying sadly. The moaning about going over bumps when you were in labour, I so get that! My dh ended up delivering one of ours as he refused to believe I was in labour. Hello!!!! We can do this ladies, time to take control! Hope the red wine hasn't made this too rambling....

I want to leave my dp. He's bedn a bloody nightmare for the 2yrs2mths i've known him - we're so different & so not suited & have split 3 times, but each time i get dragged back in. I'm weak, weak, weak! I want to be free of him but just can't do it.

Crispsarefruit, I feel like I'm weak too, but I'm going to do it. I have to now.

My husband moved out three months ago. He has been abusive and controlling for years, but of course, he says he is not and it is me. He's even gone so far as to encourage me to go for counselling to 'help sort out our marriage' and finally agreed to marriage counselling, I'm sure as he feels genuinely that it is all my fault. He thinks he's the victim in all this. His latest stunt was simply walking out yesterday without saying a word and ignoring my calls and texts. He refuses to let me know when he will see the DC and DD, aged 3.5 has been asking all day when she can see him. I was cooking dinner tonight and she saw the leftover Christmas crackers and said 'Can we please have a family Christmas dinner with gold maracas?' It broke my heart. The fact that he will now not see the children as a way to hurt me (as I know that's what he intends to do) has destroyed me. Luckily, DS is too young to know much about it.

I'm going to leave. He thinks he can just come back whenever he wants, he always has before, but not this time. I need to protect my children and no matter how much it hurts me, no matter how hard it is, I am
Somehow honing to be strong enough this time.

Midori - Stay strong. It is worth it. Don't be me. I lost the life i always dreamt of having to this man, more fool me!

yep, add me, another one, threw out my partner of 5 years years after he ruined Christmas, messed us up financially, lazy, abusive and decided to punch and strangle me in front of my DD. No hesitation in kicking him out. but I am the same, back and forth with nerves, fear, anxiety, but no going back, my heart tells me enough is enough. lost my thirties, not my forties. Have to get him off joint tenancy and sign on. thankfully I secretly saved for a while, wont get me far, but will get me a start.

You brave ladies! I was looking to separate but now he's finally agreed to go to counselling. While he's faithful and I can trust him in that sense, he's hurt me so many times with how he's spoken to me, our arguments are horrible and not fully resolved, he's short tempered with the DC, a constant critic of my family, generally unfriendly and sometimes shows an intolerant streak to others of different ethnicities/religions.

I'm noticing slight improvements but in the meantime have been reading "Should I Stay or Should I Go?" by Lundy Bancroft. In the chapter of abuse, so many parts ring bells :(

So here's hoping I'll finally pluck up the courage to ask him to leave in 2015...

My P is going to counselling. I wonder what the hell they talk about as he's not changing, in fact he's worse. I think it's better to sesperate while they have counselling and sort themselves out as it brings up a lot of shit to the surface.

So many exciting futures being forged on this thread - it is brillant to read!

I went over to a friends house last night and it turns out she is looking for someone to rent a room......the timing is perfect......as I cant afford to live by myself and there are hardly any house shares where I am.

So, why do I feel so sick and sad - the thought of telling him makes me feel awful. I know I cant stay with someone just so I dont hurt their feelings but honestly I wish there was an easier way.

Keep up the momentum everyone!!

I could have written the first part of your post despicable. my do moved out a month ago but we are still seeing each other. I know it's not working but don't feel I have the strength yet to finish it for good. he has said very cruel and hurtful things in the past which I can't get over. he won't talk about things ans gets very grumpy.

he barely talks to my dvd and isn't very much better with our 2 year old dd.

he is here now and just shouted at me for trying to bring our dd into bed for a cuddle as she had just woken up.

Marking my place too.

Have two back story threads under this user name which I will try to link to later. Sadly started the first of these nearly two years ago and things are getting slowly and steadily worse.

I have told him several times I want to separate but he just tells me not to be stupid and we can't because of the DCs. I'm not stupid.....just run down by it all. I need to grow a pair and deal with the inevitable huge fall out because you can't reason with the unreasonable.

I've been telling myself for weeks 2015 will be my year. I so want that to be true.