2015! A fresh start! Anyone leaving there partner in the new year? Can we support each other?

[Happyandsimple]

H everyone, I wondered if there are others who are leaving there partners in the new year? I feel so alone, and would like to meet others, know what steps your taking, what stage your on? have you told your partners its over? Do you know were you will be going? Just thought it would be nice to support each other through this. Because momments, I feel weak and almost change my mind. but I know this is for the best for me

First of , I am sorry if you are in this situation. I am planning to leave my husband in the new year, I'm a mum of 2, and my marriage is most definitely over due to Domestic Abuse. and my husband draining me financially and every other way. working 50 hours a week doing 2 jobs. studying,. while he just works 4 days a week. I'm exhausted , and suddenly realized I am worth more.

Hope to hear from you soon :) x

Hi all. Quick update, dd and I are finally moving into our new home tomorrow! Am nervous and excited.
Dd has been a star, there have been tears but I stand firm when she says that she doesn't want to move.

I have told her that she isn't moving, just dividing her time between two houses. She is excited to have two bedrooms bless her.

I'll catch up properly when I can get on the computer.

wewillmendit Good for you - hope today went well and that you both sleep well to wake to your brilliant new life tomorrow!
rubydrew personally just taking one day at a time (week 6 with x4dc after 30 years) - I need to heal - I need to find out who I am before I move on to pastures new.

I left him ! The relief i feel is immense. Its been 2wks and all no contact. I don't miss him at all. I do think of him but only about how much of a manipulative narrassistic unpleasant person he was and what a fool i was. 2 weeks may not seem a lot, but its taken me 6mths to build up the strength to do it and stick to it. My life is a mess, i have no home (staying at parents in the box room!), i've a insecure temp job earning sh*tty money, i've no one in rl i can talk to about everything has happened ... but at least i've got me and i'm no longer tied to that shitty little egotistical competitive self-obseesed arse ? .

Congrats Silver - it is great for others to know that once it is done it is a feeling of relief - all the pain and sadness whilst the relationship fell apart has been done. Vent on hear - get it out - tell all the horror stories. Well done for taking that leap.

Mylife - thanks!

Just need to get through the three month mark and I think I'll be truly free! - that's how long I lasted last time until I was drawn back in, but then we were in contact and I was devastated that we'd separated (I still thought he would change), this time I'm relieved and its no contact (I know he'll never change) .... and yes, I went though through all the pain and sadness while the relationship fell apart. I never thought I'd get to this point and be able to smile, but I can and I am, though its just a small smile at the moment ... hopefully a big grin in a few months time.

Happy days ahead!

So xdp was arrested tonight. Haven't been able to tell anyone in rl yet. Many know what's been going on but I don't want them to worry unnecessarily.

Had been away overnight and came back to find xdp had shat in my bed and broken my work phone and the tv. He then proceeded to again raise his fists and threaten to kill me. Police arrived and arrested him for breach of the peace (he refused to co-operate). Turns out those other things aren't a crime.

He'll be released tomorrow, and I can't actually do anything to stop him coming back in the house.

I'm glad I've logged it though as that will give social services food for thought about appropriate contact.

I really want to be at the next stage like so many of you!

OMG guyfawk that is truly horrific. Are you safe? Can you tell someone in RL....this is absolutely not "unnecessary worry" them. I would be gutted if someone did not approach me for help in this situation. Can you call WA? Please, please PM me if it would help you to talk to someone.

Yes I'm safe, he's in a police cell whilst he sobers up.

I'll tell my mum in the morning, no point tonight.

I won't be bullied by him.

Does he have any family/friends that you can tell - so that they can talk some sense into him / take some responsibility for him / get him out of your house?

Hope everyone is doing OK. Anyone else ruminating?

Just wanted to say for those who are still inching along the diving board yet to take the plunge - that today is the start of week 7 for me - I have noticed that I have moved on from numb/shock - I am happy and relieved.
Kids are doing OK - keeping a close eye for any wobbles but they seem to be getting along OK. My house is calm and orderly - I am giving the children the home they need and deserve - no more of the toxic dysfunctional dynamic that they have been exposed to for far too long,

Hello Everyone, I haven't yet read all the posts, but will do so now.

Thank you Mylife for asking how I am. Nothing much has changed for me. This is a link to my first thread about my situation www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2262224-I-have-done-something-awful-and-I-need-to-be-brave I got some excellent advice from kind people but I feel absolutely worn down and unable to move on.

The last time I asked in August, he jumped on me and bit me shouting in my face "your mine" He refuses to leave. I tried to speak to him a couple of weeks ago and he started shouting at the top of his voice "Yes, well you had an affair" the children heard. I spoke to them and the eldest gave me a hug and said "be happy Mum, it's ok"

I am constantly treading on eggshells, smiling, laughing, trying to be happy, it's exhausting. Inside I feel nothing much, hence the feeling that I can't actually change anything. I'm too scared of the repercussions for my children if they have to live with "angry Daddy" which is what we all suffer if I dare to say "I want out" I could happily live here with him if that is what he wants, so long as he can find it in himself to be pleasant, at least for the sake of the children, he can't though, so the charade continues. I also want to do a Phd and he will support this. Yes, that's right he is perfectly fine with buying my loyalty and my time

OM is still in contact but I haven't seen him. We speak about nothing much, it goes round in circles. He says he loves me, I love him. Could I give up hope of doing Phd and security? with no idea what will happen? I would give up everything but I don't think it would work, he probably doesn't want me anyway, so I may as well play charades.

Some days I think, that's it, life is too short, I can't forgive or forget and it must end, other times I just think so what, go read a book and hope I can square it all away later.

Hi all, thanks Mylife for following up:) how are you doing? How are you all doing? I have stood by my decision but have had a horrible 8 weeks. He has gone through every emotion under the sun and swings from being the perfect husband, nasty, sobbing, passive, begging etc etc. How I am still in one piece is beyond me!! I hope you are all staying strong. I am trying to, good and bad days. Hoping to move out in a few weeks, house been on hold due to chain complications beyond my control. He reckons he's moving out in a week or two. I have today found all the letters I've sent him over the years asking him to consider many things, god I was like a stuck record. Can't believe I have put up with it all for so long, certainly helping me to get over my wobbles!! Love to you all, stay strong!

Hi everyone

I'm new to this Thread and have only skim read it but will read it properly later, I started a thread today after 4 months of individual counselling, I feel I need to leave. I'm sorry so many others are unhappy too.

I am terrified as we owe money to my parents, and have a mortgage, but I can't carry on like this. I only work part time too so money is a huge worry for me.

I have been unhappy for so long, and I have been in a dark place since the counselling started, it wasn't easy going through it all, but I now feel much more empowered that I am making the right decision.

I am going to try and tell him how I feel tonight, I really want to but know once I do there is no going back.

If anyone wants to read my thread its www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2318937-After-4-months-of-Individual-Counselling-I-think-I-need-to-end-my-marriage though it is very long!

TheGuilt - What an exhausting hideous situation you are in? How do you feel about going it alone - i.e. without OH and OM?

You talk of security if you stay - but that is just money - he mentally and physically is abusing you so badly that you are scared of leaving - you cannot be bullied by fear like this for the rest of your life. It will erode and diminish your MH. Your dc do not need a sad, preoccupied, broken mother for their childhood. You could speak to WA, a lawyer and the police (to report previous DV and your fear of another attack when you tell him you are leaving) - so that you can get your ducks in a row?

You can do a PhD at anytime in your life. You and your dc need to be safe and happy now - their childhoods are precious and short. Happy, calm Mum = happy, calm DC/young adults. Anxious, stressed, fearful, sad, broken Mum in toxic, dysfunctional marriage does not produce happy, calm DC/young adults.

Keep posting.

everonwards you are doing so well - the finishing line is in sight - his reactions I imagine was true to form - hang in there. We are doing really OK - house is calm, ordered, in control - I am relieved that I have finally made the toughest decision of my life. I am only communicating with STBXH by text....I am in the family home for the rest of this year - we have not looked at splitting the assets yet - this tough conversation is yet to come - but I have taken legal advice so have my ducks in a row.

Wow...that was the day that was...just rumbled that he has a girlfriend....says he put his profile up on Match.com in Mid Jan (we separated 10th Jan) ... and has been in this relationship since early Feb. Bit of a blow - but really I don't care - I just thought he would have mourned the 20 year marriage / 30 year relationship for a day or two - ho hum ... free agent as he says - but has been playing the victim with F&F - as I was the one the called time.

Oh mylife, that just cements his fuckwit status. It's all probably to get a reaction out of you - so don't rise to it, and remember you're the lucky one to not be in a relationship with him anymore.

So this morning I had a non-molestation order granted but not an occupation order so either I make myselk homeless or I continue to live with a man who has threatened me. It really is a bully's man's world isn't it?

guyfawk I am so sorry - this is an absolute disgrace....how will you keep safe? Have you any options?

guyfawk that's horrendous, I had no idea they could do this, horrifying in fact. What has your solicitor said? This makes absolutely no sense, how can he stick to the terms of the order whilst he remains under the same roof? He will of course be breaking the order, does this mean you can ring police or go back to court? Not sure how it works but if he is near you, he has broken the terms. I think!

Mylife its amazing how quickly they seem to move from absolute heart break to dating isn't it. It does make you wonder. I think with some of these men, especially those who are cool, or abusive or just plain useless and lazy, they require some other focus for their behaviour and fuckwittery. The only way they can have their need met is to meet some other woman.

Nothing much to report here. At home all is fairly calm because I am keeping myself distracted. I know this man loves me, he would do anything to keep me but I just feel worn down by years of lies. Of course I am now lieing to him and myself. Never thought I could descend to this. So have resolved to spend time working on myself and getting my head sorted, the rest will follow.

Saw OM for first time in a few months. Quizzed for an hour, said i couldn't leave now, so that's it. He turns into Mr "Don't give a fig" I think I am over it now. The advice I got on the other thread was invaluable because he is waving red flags all over the place. Maybe that's it though, I seriously wonder what is out there. Friends are single and dating complete knobheads, maybe life is better with the devil you know, well at least for now, for me it might be. Although I am going to see solicitor again because I want to know if she has any record of the convo in Aug, and to ensure its all on record should I decide to go down the court order route. I also want to see what options there are over shared childcare. Ducks in a row and then see.

Everyone here is being so stoic and brave, I feel quite ashamed at my lack of progress.

I want to join please... My husband is a good guy, but for some reason irritates the s**t out of me, he is lazy and he doesn't look like he did when i met him. I have changed a lot I love me career and feel like I have out grown him. I told him I didn't love in the same way anymore but after I had a couple or drinks, He thinks it was just drink talking, but i don't want to sleep with him kiss etc... when we have sex i have to have had a drink... we have 2 children, and don't want to hurt anyone... but feel like i would be better off on my own.. I am so sad.. I don't know what to do for the best.

wow , im sorry guys that i never came back to this post , things got really difficult, I am glad you have all supported each other. I can tell you that as of febuary 2nd ish. he moved out!! and i have no regrets ladies, your all amazing strong women. and you need to be happpy :)