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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Heard dp having sex.

170 replies

Disgustedandhurt · 28/12/2014 13:01

I received a whatsapp voice message from dps ex on Boxing Day of them having sex I haven't said anything to him yet as I don't know what to do I feel physically sick.

OP posts:
GraysAnalogy · 28/12/2014 13:18

Oh ignore me I'm thinking about snapchat!!

I'd play it to him. She's obviously playing games as well. I feel so bad for you

WhyYouGottaBeSoRude · 28/12/2014 13:18

Sorry xpost.

ProcrastinaRemNunc · 28/12/2014 13:18

Whatever this means, that must have been horribly shocking. I would do as others have suggested. However, I would first message her to ask what exactly she is implying. Her response will give him less wriggle room, when you confront him.

I found out about my ex's affair via a phone video. It's a pretty indescribable feeling.

ProcrastinaRemNunc · 28/12/2014 13:18

Whatever this means, that must have been horribly shocking. I would do as others have suggested. However, I would first message her to ask what exactly she is implying. Her response will give him less wriggle room, when you confront him.

I found out about my ex's affair via a phone video. It's a pretty indescribable feeling.

AgathaF · 28/12/2014 13:19

What a vile thing to do. Please talk to him about it. Is he there with you now?

ShipwreckedAndMerrilyComatose · 28/12/2014 13:19

How can you tell it's actually him?

WasWats · 28/12/2014 13:19

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WhyYouGottaBeSoRude · 28/12/2014 13:19

Ok so was it definitely on christmas day? What were they saying? Could it be old from when they were together?

PastPerfect · 28/12/2014 13:19

Just ask him.

AgathaF · 28/12/2014 13:20

Sorry, x post. You're not with him now. When will he be with you?

Deserttrek · 28/12/2014 13:21

I think looking at his reaction, looking him in the eyes, the first time he hears it may tell you everything. People have great capacity to lie when they know what is about to come up, what they are about to be confronted with, but the first time, I think it would be difficult for him not to show his true emotions. I don't think you have to hide anything, just when it is quiet and you have his attention, say you received it, and play it to him. And watch his eyes.

Tiredemma · 28/12/2014 13:21

Agree with other posters-

Just play it and watch his reaction.

What a callous thing to do.

Trazzletoes · 28/12/2014 13:22

I'm sorry WasWats would you like to be a bit clearer about exactly what you are implying?

BigRedBall · 28/12/2014 13:22

Forward the voice message to him, his ex...and all his friends in a group chat. then send the whole group a picture of all his belongings dumped outside your house (supposing you live together!)

E-dumping.

Vivacia · 28/12/2014 13:23

"Watch his eyes"?! I never understand why people say that.

Fairenuff · 28/12/2014 13:23

She has done you a favour really OP by letting you know that he's been having sex with her. Not a very kind way to do it but at least you know now.

What is your set up with him. Do you have children together, own or rent?

Solo · 28/12/2014 13:24

Yes, play it and watch him. I did that and watched the colour drain from ex's face.

You will know.

Deserttrek · 28/12/2014 13:24

It may be difficult though, if you see those tell tale signs of panic. If you see those reactions and know it is true. A human tendency is to look away, not to acknowledge those feelings. But I think you need to be strong when you do this and make sure you are clear that you are not going to look away, and watch his face and reactions carefully. Three deep breaths beforehand. Good luck, in every way.

onceinagoldenmoon · 28/12/2014 13:24

i agree with playing the recording and listening to what he says / looking for a reaction but also be aware that some people (my exP being one of them) was able to lie, subterfuge and confuse with all the charm in the world. when i confronted him with 'evidence' he kept a very cool and calm demeanour and for a while had me thinking that it was me that was reading into things and going mad. turned out he was actually a lying shit.

Pasithea · 28/12/2014 13:25

The nasty spiteful bitch wants a reaction don't give it to her.

Ignoring it will upset her more

Fairenuff · 28/12/2014 13:26

Prepare yourself for the minimising too. If he admits it he will say it was just the once, etc.

What did they say to each other beforehand, does it sound quite casual, as if this has happened lots of times before?

ProcrastinaRemNunc · 28/12/2014 13:27

Posted, op. So, it's definitely them. Was it definitely recent?

If so, I like BigRedBall's idea!

I can't think of any reason for someone to do such a thing - unless you were the original ow?

Deserttrek · 28/12/2014 13:27

"Watch his eyes" I think for me the eyes, along with the hands, but especially the eyes, give the biggest signals. I was sceptical of body language, but these days I can normally tell a great deal from it. Of course, now if all three of you were in a room together, well the signals would be going into overdrive. That may not happen of course.

ChippingInLovesChristmasLights · 28/12/2014 13:27

WasWats. Why do you think this poster isn't genuine?

AnyFucker · 28/12/2014 13:27

Why are people trying to find the most unlikely explanation for this ?

experience tells us that the most obvious explanation is the most likely, so I would work with that

and that is they had sex on Xmas day and she has chosen the quickest and most effective way to blow this shit wide open

I am sorry, op

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