Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Sat in bed crying my eyes out

226 replies

SatInBedCrying · 27/12/2014 20:03

Don't even know what just happened, DH has a few friends round for drinks, ive been sat in living room out the way then decided fuck it I'm going to the pub, told dp my plans and he wasn't amused

Anyway as I'm getting my coat on i hear him say "if i knew she was going out i would have got the strippers in" he intended me to hear that, so in a lighthearted way looked into kitchen and said "i heard that" and laughed.

Now ive just spent the last 10 mins being screamed at by DH for "ruining his night" and "showing him up in front of his mates" he's told me he wants nothing more to do with me, i can just fuck off etc

Now ive fucked the pub off, cant go out looking like this, I'm sat in bed crying wondering what the fuck ive actually done to deserve the abuse ive just gotten. I feel humiliated in front of his friends and i haven't even done anything.

OP posts:
BuzzardBirdRoast · 27/12/2014 22:13

I think you should tell him that you have reported him. I wouldn't want an angry drunk on my doorstep...especially with a young child in the house.

LumpySpacedPrincess · 27/12/2014 22:15

You have yourself and your kids, that's all you need. He will try to bully you and badger you to make sure that his needs are met. You know who he is now and that you need to free yourself from him.

Notmeagain1 · 27/12/2014 22:16

Just here to handheld if needed. You are very brave to be taking this step towards a life with out violence. You can do this. Don't let him wear you down. Please ring the police and keep your lo and yourself safe.Flowers

Notmeagain1 · 27/12/2014 22:17

*handhold

Topseyt · 27/12/2014 22:18

No personal experience of this, but we do have a relation in the wider family who is an alcoholic with a tendency to turn aggressive when drunk. We too suspect he has often been combining drink with drugs.

It cost him just about every relationship he has ever had, every job, his marriage, home and access to his child.

You are doing the right thing locking him out and telling him to leave tomorrow. I hope you can keep safe whilst you do it, but as others have said, be prepared to call in the police.

These people almost never improve. Our relation has kept to the same old behaviour cycle for at least the 25 or more years I have known them.

Stay strong and stay safe.

fluffling · 27/12/2014 22:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
SatInBedCrying · 27/12/2014 22:19

He's practically begging me not to throw him out, and telling me at the same time that its me who's being horrible to him ive told him he's fucking deluded and bid him goodnight. Not replying now and he reckons his phone is about to die anyway

OP posts:
skildpadden · 27/12/2014 22:21

You can start again, honestly. I agree with the others. He's a bully and not a subtle one. A bully who'll bully you in front of his friends. He has no comprehension of how unacceptable his behaviour is

bagelfiend · 27/12/2014 22:21

He sounds unbelievable.
Nobody should have to put up with that shit- just imagine if the tables were turned and you spoke to him like that in front of your friends.
He would lose his fucking mind.

You're doing the right thing by locking the door. We are all here xx

skildpadden · 27/12/2014 22:24

hold firm.

Notice instead of saying sorry (not that it'd be worth anything, not that you should listen to his sorry,) he turns it back on you and says you're horrible.

It's not worth getting in to a big court case about whose behaviour drove who to what. I made this mistake with my x. You have decided in your head that his behaviour is dreadful and that you deserve more.

You don't actually need him to be up to speed with your realisation. I thought with the low self-esteem that I had at the time that I needed my x's approval to leave him. Or at least, I seemed to be seeking it for 18 months until I realised that it did not matter if he refused to believe he had been 'in the wrong'. the main thing was to walk away from it and to stay away from it.

Good luck. Brew

Dowser · 27/12/2014 22:24

Yes. Don't get into a txt war.

Apparently abusive relationships go like this.

Good cop, bad cop

Now he's good cop. Now he knows he's crossed the line.

skildpadden · 27/12/2014 22:25

Any 'line' in the sand whatsoever, any thing you do that differentiates you from a total doormat will from now on prove how cold you are, how heartless you are, what a bitch you are................ don't get sucked in to proving him wrong.

SoleSource · 27/12/2014 22:28

I just pm'd Sat with my phone number forgetting I have lost my phone. So sorry Sat. Thanks

EleanorRigby89 · 27/12/2014 22:28

You're doing the right thing OP. Stay safe and keep updating if you can Thanks

Original poster
SatInBedCrying · 27/12/2014 22:30

I'm so furious, I'm sat with a cup of tea and rehearsing what i want to say to him when i see him tomorrow

He wont get in this house tonight, i know what happens, my mother is married to an abusive alcoholic, the amount of times i listened from my bed as a child as he hammered on the door then beat the shit out of her when she let him in, my children will never witness what i had to. Fucking no chance

OP posts:
Stealthpolarbear · 27/12/2014 22:30

Does he have a key for the car?

Original poster
SatInBedCrying · 27/12/2014 22:31

Its ok sole thank you anyway Flowers

OP posts:
Original poster
SatInBedCrying · 27/12/2014 22:32

No i have the car key

OP posts:
chimichanga1976 · 27/12/2014 22:33

I've nothing new to offer in the way of advice and I wholeheartedly second everything that everyone else has said. I'm sure you can see the unanimous

verdict, so what does that tell you? I'm sure you would be telling a good friend/relative what others are telling you. I understand it's always harder when it's us involved in the situation though.

I've certainly had shithead men in the past, that put you down and erode your own self-esteem/confidence/worth. It's always the same formula they follow, and in my experience it always culminates in physical violence.

I wish you had a support system but you say you have no relative/friend to call upon? What about a kindly neighbour? You are now protecting your child as well as yourself so you have to stay strong with your wits about you.

You have the advantage as you are clear-headed while he's pissed as a fart and behaving erratically/threateningly. Keep any txts/voice mails as evidence for police if necessary but I would turn off phone. Don't succomb to his BS. People like this are thick but highly manipulative in my experience. You have the upper hand here. Phone which ever helpline feels best but I would urge you to ring someone given that you have no relatives/friends to call upon. Stay safe, strong and don't cave. You are not a victim but a bloody strong woman who deserves a hell of a lot better than this dickhead. Sending virtual hugs. We're all with you here.

Stealthpolarbear · 27/12/2014 22:34

Is there anything to say other than he needs to leave
You can't rationalise with him

Original poster
SatInBedCrying · 27/12/2014 22:36

I'm using my phone for mumsnet, its only thing keeping me sane whilst in sat here on eggshells, its nice to have people talking to me

OP posts:
Original poster
SatInBedCrying · 27/12/2014 22:37

Cant stop smoking either, since they've gone ive just chain smoked Sad

OP posts:
Dowser · 27/12/2014 22:38

That adrenalin is really flowing sweetheart.

Too many here have experienced that.

It makes it so hard to get the rest you need for the day you have ahead of you tomorrow.

I'm sorry for your abusive childhood but am relieved you will use that anger in a constructive way to stop the rot.

He's got away with it for too long but now he's going to see a side of you he hadn't reckoned with.

My piece of doo doo had the nerve to whinge...you are clever than me. Yes I was.

The bully whining like a little baby!

Not a pretty look.

I know about the hatred in their faces when they are angry. I've seen that look too.

No more! Never again!

IsabeauMichelle · 27/12/2014 22:38

Don't worry about the smoking, it's small potatoes. You'll feel shit if you smoke too much though!

Whereabouts are you in the country?

Dowser · 27/12/2014 22:40

Is there a good reason why you haven't called the police?

Swipe left for the next trending thread