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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Sat in bed crying my eyes out

226 replies

SatInBedCrying · 27/12/2014 20:03

Don't even know what just happened, DH has a few friends round for drinks, ive been sat in living room out the way then decided fuck it I'm going to the pub, told dp my plans and he wasn't amused

Anyway as I'm getting my coat on i hear him say "if i knew she was going out i would have got the strippers in" he intended me to hear that, so in a lighthearted way looked into kitchen and said "i heard that" and laughed.

Now ive just spent the last 10 mins being screamed at by DH for "ruining his night" and "showing him up in front of his mates" he's told me he wants nothing more to do with me, i can just fuck off etc

Now ive fucked the pub off, cant go out looking like this, I'm sat in bed crying wondering what the fuck ive actually done to deserve the abuse ive just gotten. I feel humiliated in front of his friends and i haven't even done anything.

OP posts:
Dowser · 27/12/2014 21:34

Never did I say play games. When I used to get upset and cry when exh used to rage, he took that as a signal to turn up the volume.

The day I got In Touch with my own anger and shouted back he stfu.

It was a case of the worm that turned.

I would never want to put a woman in danger and I have suggested putting a call into the police to monitor the house through the night.

Original poster
SatInBedCrying · 27/12/2014 21:35

One of them was trying to defuse the situation by telling him to calm down and "group hug" another was also telling him to calm down. The other just sat there not getting involved.

The one that wouldn't get involved has just left

OP posts:
Original poster
SatInBedCrying · 27/12/2014 21:36

I do stand up to him, but it gets to a point where its just easier to go to bed and wait til the morning otherwise it would escalate. I'm not scared of him when he's sober, only when he's drunk

OP posts:
Dowser · 27/12/2014 21:37

Are they being loud and noisy.

Is a neighbour likely to call the police.

How many are there in your house?

Dowser · 27/12/2014 21:37

Do you feel safe now? Or are you worried he will get more abusive when they've gone?

Original poster
SatInBedCrying · 27/12/2014 21:38

Another has just left, just him and his best mate now, the one that tried to defuse the situation. They will probably stay up til the early hours watching tv and drinking now

OP posts:
ouryve · 27/12/2014 21:38

when he gets that drunk and angry i can see pure rage on his face and he scares me. Ive told him before and was called a drama queen

So this is not the first time.

I think you need to gather up important stuff and get yourself out, because he's not just having a drunken rant and falling asleep, he's like a dog with a bone and he's not going to give up.

Original poster
SatInBedCrying · 27/12/2014 21:40

Oh he's going to the fucking pub now, alright for him eh

OP posts:
CaptainAnkles · 27/12/2014 21:43

I think I'd feel like locking him out of the house. Any more abusive behaviour and I really do think you should call the police. He sounds threatening and frightening.
You'll find another job. Get rid of the fucker.

Charlilou490 · 27/12/2014 21:44

Lock the doors as soon as he's out the house!

fluffling · 27/12/2014 21:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Edderkoppen · 27/12/2014 21:45

He's so abusive. Lock the door. PUt his stuff outside in a bag.

If he kicks up ring the police. He sounds insane, angry and he hates you. That is a really dangerous combination and you need to get the police involved.

NoDecentNamesLeft · 27/12/2014 21:45

I'd be locking the doors, leaving the keys on the inside. Would that work OP?

When he returns and bangs at the door - which he will do, then I would call the police and take it from there, not allowing him back in of course.

mumonashoestring · 27/12/2014 21:45

Can you deadbolt the door and leave him a bag and a note on the doorstep?

fluffling · 27/12/2014 21:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LumpySpacedPrincess · 27/12/2014 21:46

I would lock the door behind him, he sounds dangerous and is only going to get even more pissed

SoleSource · 27/12/2014 21:46

You're going to stay with him. Tonight upon h's rerun there will be argument etc. Unless he stays out all night.

Original poster
SatInBedCrying · 27/12/2014 21:46

Ive locked the door. Am actually shaking

OP posts:
ouryve · 27/12/2014 21:48

While he's out at the pub, call 101 and explain the situation and that you're scared and want to give them a heads up in case things escalate. You'll have time to do it without him there. When he's rolled in, even more pissed than he already is and grabbed you by the throat, telling you how ashamed of you he is, you'll not feel up to being quite so coherent.

Even if that doesn't happen, tonight (hoping for everyone's sake that his mate persuades him to crash out on his own sofa) that history will be there in case you need back up when it's time to tell him to leave, tomorrow.

MrsPepperMintonCandyCane · 27/12/2014 21:49

Well done for locking it. It's delayed shock and anger setting in. If he comes back don't let him in. Call the police if he tries to gain entry.

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 27/12/2014 21:49

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Chillyegg · 27/12/2014 21:49

Stay safe op can you keep him out if he's going out I.e If he's going to the pub lock the doors leave the key in the door so he can't get in and put his crap in a bag on the street.

SoleSource · 27/12/2014 21:50

Yes because you are scared of his reaction upon his possible return tonight and what the neighbours will think when be is banging the door etc to be le inside.

I'd bag his stuff and shove it all outside. I'd call police and report his abuse. Get it on record first.

UpSheFlew · 27/12/2014 21:51

Christ, couple of silly biatches on this thread, eh Hmm

Nice one, OP. You've done the right thing. Take care of yourself. 2015 is off to a good start already.

IsabeauMichelle · 27/12/2014 21:52

Really amothersplace?? Hmm