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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Sat in bed crying my eyes out

226 replies

SatInBedCrying · 27/12/2014 20:03

Don't even know what just happened, DH has a few friends round for drinks, ive been sat in living room out the way then decided fuck it I'm going to the pub, told dp my plans and he wasn't amused

Anyway as I'm getting my coat on i hear him say "if i knew she was going out i would have got the strippers in" he intended me to hear that, so in a lighthearted way looked into kitchen and said "i heard that" and laughed.

Now ive just spent the last 10 mins being screamed at by DH for "ruining his night" and "showing him up in front of his mates" he's told me he wants nothing more to do with me, i can just fuck off etc

Now ive fucked the pub off, cant go out looking like this, I'm sat in bed crying wondering what the fuck ive actually done to deserve the abuse ive just gotten. I feel humiliated in front of his friends and i haven't even done anything.

OP posts:
TheyThinkImCool · 27/12/2014 21:05

That's just horrible I don't think you should be with this man, you're married he shouldn't ever disrespect you like he has.

Original poster
SatInBedCrying · 27/12/2014 21:06

Sorry we aren't married, just in a long term relationship, must have just put DH instead of DP

OP posts:
Timetoask · 27/12/2014 21:08

Good luck op, just please keep your cool or things will escalate and you don't want to try and reason with a drunk

Ohbollocksandballs · 27/12/2014 21:08

He sounds like my ex.

If you're going to take advice, please listen to anyfucker. It's thanks to her (and others) I left an extremely EA relationship with my sons father.

TheyThinkImCool · 27/12/2014 21:10

Oh okay sorry, it must be horrible for you when he drinks. You have said he has to go, but are you going to make him leave?

Coyoacan · 27/12/2014 21:10

Mmm, reminds me of one of the last times I spent with my ex. And the next day he wanted me to say I was sorry.

OP, don't challenge him tonight. Either leave or be meek and mild, for your and your child's safety.

Dowser · 27/12/2014 21:13

What will he be like when he's sober.

What do the team think to putting in a call to the police...just in case there may be a situation.

Would they keep an eye on the property in case he kicks off after mates have gone. Mention there's a child in the property...I'm sure they would

Don't want to escalate anything for you ...which is why I asked what everyone thought.

On the night my exh first girlfriend got married exh was very drunk aNd very abusive. In fact he tortured me he wouldn't let me go to bed. In desperation I dialled 999 . He tore the phone from my hands. eventually I got to bed. The police came thru the night. Didn't knock sadly. I could have been dead.

Came back at 9 am and the bastard had skipped the property. I had to face the police on my own. They'd traced the call. I was gutted he never got his comme up pance from the police.

We also had a small child on the property .

This makes me so angry. He was a right piece of work when he was thwarted.

Why? Because he was a bully and a coward.

Please. Don't live my life......

Original poster
SatInBedCrying · 27/12/2014 21:14

Tomorrow I'm taking his car and picking up my son. When i get home, he will still be in bed, i am telling him to leave. I WILL NOT be treated like this, he obviously hates me deep down anyway so I'm sure he wont even care to be honest. He's abusive, he's humiliated me and ive fucking had enough

Very sad I'll have to give my job up, and concerned that i wont be able to claim anything as i will effectively be putting myself out of work, anybody know about benefits?

OP posts:
ChippingInLovesChristmasLights · 27/12/2014 21:14

If I were you, I'd call the police and tell them you are terrified of him and that you think he's doing coke, that you have a small child in the house and how he's been screaming at you.

You shouldn't be alone with him in the house.

Dowser · 27/12/2014 21:15

Keep posting love. I'm here and so are the others.

I didn't have mumsnet . I wished I had.

Gawd we could have had some fun if I had.

SoleSource · 27/12/2014 21:16

Yes Chipping is right. Call the Police! He might beat you up tonight.

Original poster
SatInBedCrying · 27/12/2014 21:17

Well according to him he will still feel the same way when he's sober, that ive ruined his night. Don't give a fuck what he thinks to be honest, ive fucking had enough, its all about him, always has to be the centre of attention, fuck him

OP posts:
Dowser · 27/12/2014 21:18

Don't worry about benefits just yet. In fact if you really are scared I'm sure there will be an on duty social worker. Once that swings into action he won't have a leg to stand on. The police will remove him they have a zero tolerance on abuse these days.

A night in the slammer will soon bring him to heel.

Your main concern is keeping safe and your child safe until you can get the fucker off the property.

Keep posting

Vivacia · 27/12/2014 21:19

Why would you have a man, any man, like this in your home?? With your child there??

nuts2you · 27/12/2014 21:20
Sad

I had an ex like that. So glad he's an ex now.

I feel for you OP. You deserve better.

velourvoyageur · 27/12/2014 21:20

Oh OP, you deserve so much better than this, he's treating you really badly. Please don't be so upset- he is a bastard, and you are fab and need to dump him and expect to be treated with much more respect and kindness.

You should be angry at him, he is being an absolute prick.

AnnieLobeseder · 27/12/2014 21:20

Don't rush to give up your job, OP. Make sure you check all the tax credits you're entitled to, you would probably be able to afford childcare. I'd suggest a visit to the CAB to go through all your options before you make any decisions.

I wouldn't worry about the details tonight though. Just hold on to your anger and your resolve to start building a better life without him. Good luck!

TheyThinkImCool · 27/12/2014 21:23

SatInBedCrying Is he likely to listen to you and just leave? It takes a lot of courage to do what you are going to do, you should be very proud of yourself. If he so much raises his voice at you call the police. Unfortunately I don't know much about benefits, but as a single lone parent you will be entitled to something.

Dowser · 27/12/2014 21:26

OP ...can you have your phone on record when he comes in again.

Take a deep breath. Keep calm. Keep your temper. Wash your face. Dry your eyes.

Try to record what he says.. Keep a note of how often he comes into the room.

In fact I would brass neck it out. I'd go into the kitchen and breezily say...scuse me boys...just getting a sandwich. Won't be long. Hope you're having a good night. I wouldn't let him see me as a victim. I'd take charge of the situation.....and keep my phone on record.

Keep it on charge!

Dowser · 27/12/2014 21:28

Keep that fire in your belly. But be outwardly cool.

You go girl.

Remember...if you always do what you've always done ...you'll always get what you've always got.

If you're prone to crying when he rages. Get angry .

Vivacia · 27/12/2014 21:28

I disagree with Dowser. Don't play games. Ring the police, get him out and get the doors locked.

Original poster
SatInBedCrying · 27/12/2014 21:30

It would be impossible to keep my job, it requires me to have a car (the car is his) and work unsociable hours, i have 6am starts and 11pm finishes, i couldn't get childcare for those hours and cant do the job with no car, i got this job as it meant i could work around his hours so one of us was always home with the kids. Don't get on with family so they wont help

I know he resents my job, because i don't do a 9-5 with weekends off, he hasn't been able to go out drinking over Xmas because ive had to work and we couldn't get a babysitter, the relative my oldest is staying with is elderly and couldn't cope with my youngest

He's actually told me he thinks i should have taken a day off work so he can go out on the piss (!!!) but i cant just "take a day off" i work with vulnerable people and couldn't get the cover at short notice. He's basically told me that its "unacceptable" that i had to go to work and he couldn't go out drinking

OP posts:
saturnvista · 27/12/2014 21:31

What a horrible man. I hate to think of anyone having to put up with that. There's no point whatsoever in putting yourself needlessly at risk tomorrow by telling him to leave when you're on your own. You need someone around or else you need to have someone call in to check on you after a set length of time. You don't need your son to see anything ugly either. Try and work out a way to tell him and get it done without him feeling free to kick off.

SoleSource · 27/12/2014 21:31

This is going to get nasty.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 27/12/2014 21:32

Another one of those brave men screaming at a women, funny you never hear them screaming at a fellow man though. Thinks he's smart with his audience, well he's not. He's a prized bully, did all his mates just sit there while he was screaming at you.

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