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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Alone and pregnant

397 replies

Natalie12341 · 27/12/2014 18:03

Am 25 weeks pregnant and I split with my boyfriend 12 days ago. And am a complete mess. Am struggling to eat some days I feel ok then bang am a complete mess. He says he will support me. But everytime I message him he never replys which makes me feel even worse.. I had hospital appointments last week he didn't show. We planned a lovely Christmas together so Christmas was quite hard for me.. I have an 8 year old son from a previous r/ship he hasn't really picked up on anything. But am just really struggling. He never texts or rings to ask how I am how can someone that loved me just totally blank me. Never have I felt pain like it. It's affecting my blood pressure and I feel like am always wanting to no what he's doing ect I feel like I will crack up if I carry on.,. It's making me depressed and I just don't no what to do please help

OP posts:
Original poster
Natalie12341 · 01/01/2015 19:40

I keep thinking will I get threw this. My son is my rock x

OP posts:
FeckTheMagicDragon · 01/01/2015 21:19

Just read through your thread, and just needed to say how brilliant I think you are doing. It's an awful thing to go through, at the worst posdible time of year - but you are doing so well. I know it may not feel like it, but you should be proud of yourself. You live your children and you have self respect, which is a rock solid foundation to build on. You will have a good life, I know it. Which is absolute the best revenge.
By the way - breastfeeding can be a lovely bonding experience, and is great for getting your body back into shape. I struggled with my first, only 13 weeks, but that was the important bit. With my second it was much easier (weaned at 18 months), and I'd recommend you give it a go, for yourself and bump.

Original poster
Natalie12341 · 01/01/2015 22:16

Thankyou feel abit emotional tonight :/ I really hope I start getting stronger soon. Am still wearing size 8 clothes like leggings jumpers ect. But no doubt I will probs be out them soon. I really want to breast feed as I want to be as close as I can to my baby. X

OP posts:
Vivacia · 01/01/2015 22:19

Just keep riding these ups and downs Nat.

FlourishingMrs · 01/01/2015 22:49

Keep strong

Original poster
Natalie12341 · 01/01/2015 22:57

Thankyou everyone I hope am not doing your heads in Sad just need to start feeling better xx

OP posts:
inlectorecumbit · 01/01/2015 23:06

You are doing just fine Nat just take it one day at a time- focus on your son.
This time next year you will have a whole different life with your DC's...

Coyoacan · 02/01/2015 00:43

Just finished reading this thread, my admiration for you, OP, and for the other posters who have been giving you great support and advice.

Just two things I wanted to add.

  1. You don't have to put him on your baby's birth cert. I didn't put my ex's name on my dd's birth certificate though I never stopped him having a relationship with her, but it saved my a lot of hassle.

  2. If you want to breastfeed I recommend you apply lanolin to your nipples for the last month before the baby is due, that way you avoid cracks.

Best wishes, OP.

Vivacia · 02/01/2015 08:46

'Morning Natalie, you're doing great, and you're certainly not a pain!

Justwanttomoveon · 02/01/2015 08:58

Hi natalie, nobody thinks you're doing their head in! We are all happy to support you for as long as you need us to.
Hope you had a better sleep last night .

Original poster
Natalie12341 · 02/01/2015 17:45

I've took a bad turn today I've messaged him my head is bloody battered took a total u turn!! Am so so mad with my self! But I swear am going to get other him now! Hecouldn't give a fly shit! So now am going to turn like that too!! And sorry just I do feel like a pain Sad he's wore me down to the bone! And am better than this! Fk him now! Xx

OP posts:
Vivacia · 02/01/2015 17:47

Did he reply?

Original poster
Natalie12341 · 02/01/2015 18:23

Yeah saying so it's all my fault! Saying if I was happy with you I would still be with you. He's a nasty cunt! And he's totally changed these last couple of weeks funny isn't it his true colours have shown!! Fk him!! X

OP posts:
Justwanttomoveon · 02/01/2015 18:47

What a twat. You don't need him and neither does your baby, don't beat yourself up for messaging him, it's probably a good thing in a way as you see him for what he really is.

AcrossthePond55 · 02/01/2015 19:29

Ok, so you had a 'slip' and messaged him and he was an arse. I think it was bound to happen. You aren't super-human and we all have a moment of weakness. Please don't beat yourself up over it. Consider it a learning experience and a strengthening experience.

Now you know. Now you know that it really is over for good and all. You made your 'last ditch effort'. Now you stand up tall, pull up your boots, and step into the future.

Remember that we've all been there (well, at least most of us). Maybe we weren't pregnant, but we've all had our hearts broken and we have survived. You will too. I'd say most of us have come through it stronger and happier for losing that 'dead weight' that is a worthless man (or woman).

Now delete his number, block him on your phone and email. Tell your friends and family that you DO NOT WANT TO KNOW if he contacts them and you do not want them to give him any information about you or the baby if he does. To all intents and purposes, he needs to cease to exist for you and for them. And you need to 'fake it til you make it'. Act as if he doesn't exist and pretty soon he won't.

Original poster
Natalie12341 · 02/01/2015 19:46

He even said you no I still want to be there with you when you have her! I said fought you might of been to busy! He said to meet my daughter for the first time! Of course I will not be to busy. Ahhh seriously he can fk off! The anger I have inside he best keep well away from me! Because everything is my fault!!! So he says! X

OP posts:
Vivacia · 02/01/2015 19:54

Natalie, you need to forgive yourself for this slip and, in some ways, forgive him. Refocus on you and your children.

Justwanttomoveon · 02/01/2015 20:00

It doesn't matter what he wants, he is irrelevant.
Listen to Acrossthepond, delete and block him and make sure everyone knows you don't want to hear about him at all.

Vivacia · 02/01/2015 20:07

Yep, I third Acrossthepond's advice. And I think most of us have been there, sending That Text.

AcrossthePond55 · 02/01/2015 21:36

Remember he no longer exists. Someone who truly cares for you should be with you when your baby is born. That is a privilege he (who no longer exists) does not deserve.

hayleyanne31 · 02/01/2015 21:48

Yeah I've sent that message too and got more or less told to sod off and what he is doing doesn't concern me.. he doesn't even ask how the pregnancy is going either and hasent done in the 10 weeks we have been separated. 2 weeks till I'm due and bugger if ill be letting him know when she arrived , he knows the due date he can contact me . You'll be fine Natalie it's early days yet your bound to still be up and Down xx

Original poster
Natalie12341 · 02/01/2015 22:31

You wouldn't think he's a 40 year old man!! The way he's actually going on since the split! Going out all the time drinking making out he's dad of the year on Facebook!!! Right tomorrow is a new day! He nos when my hospital appointments are. I've changed my address other to. So fingers crossed nothig gets sent out in the post xx

OP posts:
AcrossthePond55 · 03/01/2015 00:57

Inconsiderate twatfaces come in all ages.

Please stop looking at his FB. Or tell whoever is telling you what's on it to stop. If you are secretly hoping he's going to show at your appts because 'he knows when they are', stop.

Remember he no longer exists.

Original poster
Natalie12341 · 03/01/2015 03:44

Numbers texts everything is blocked I've even had the courage tonight to delete the last messages that have been on the phone since we met! Am really going to try harder this time. Starting from the last text is sent him. Am not a fool so it's about time I stopped acting like 1 xx

OP posts:
AcrossthePond55 · 03/01/2015 04:21

No, you aren't a fool. You're sadder but wiser. He's gone and good riddance. Life holds much happiness in store for you, but you have to let go of the past and reach for the future to get that happiness.