Alone and pregnant

[Natalie12341]

Am 25 weeks pregnant and I split with my boyfriend 12 days ago. And am a complete mess. Am struggling to eat some days I feel ok then bang am a complete mess. He says he will support me. But everytime I message him he never replys which makes me feel even worse.. I had hospital appointments last week he didn't show. We planned a lovely Christmas together so Christmas was quite hard for me.. I have an 8 year old son from a previous r/ship he hasn't really picked up on anything. But am just really struggling. He never texts or rings to ask how I am how can someone that loved me just totally blank me. Never have I felt pain like it. It's affecting my blood pressure and I feel like am always wanting to no what he's doing ect I feel like I will crack up if I carry on.,. It's making me depressed and I just don't no what to do please help

hold onto that hate for him and the love you have for this new baby. What sort of man would treat the mother of his baby so badly.Please do not let him take you to the hospital on Thursday-that will send him the wrong message and put you 10 steps backwards.
You deserve so much better

x

I no I do deserve better I just hope in time I will start feeling a lot better am emotional most of the time but I think that's due to my hormones when I left all I done was cry. Because I couldn't understand why someone that I honestly fought was my soul mate could do this to me and his unborn child when I think about it I do feel abit of a mug I did practically beg him to take me back time after time. And now I do think I lost my self respect xx

I feel a lot better today! I always have the sour in my mind! But I must be getting better as I don't feel like I want to no what he's doing all the time ect. Anyone else think of anything to keep my mind off him. Xx

Keep as busy as you can, try and source some furniture for your new place, watch a comedy that makes you laugh, work out a budget, read some trashy magazines, basically anything that will occupy your mind and take it away from him.

Keep going Natalie you ARE improving, just read back over this thread, you sound much stronger than you did at the start, you may have times when you feel sad about what could have been but you are also having times when you feel stronger.
Have you managed to get someone to go to hospital with you?

Do NOT go to the hospital with him. It will be a disaster and why would he? He is not your partner. A Glucose tolerance test is a blood test and is done early because you have to fast before it is done.

Find someone else to take you, he will get involved with your life again if you spend that time together.

Look after yourself and ignore him. If you need the letter call up the hospital antenatal dept and ask them to post a copy first class and tell you the contents. You don't need his copy.

Have you been eating today? Little and often

Do you know how to knit, crochet, or do needlework? It's excellent for keeping your mind occupied because you have to count stitches & mind that you are following the pattern. Plus you end up with something lovely in the end.

If you don't know how, ask your mam or aunties. Many of my generation learnt some form of needlework from our mams. My great-auntie and mother taught me embroidery and cross stitch as a child. It's gotten me through stressful times by keeping my mind and hands busy. They tried to teach me crochet, but I'm left handed and they're right handed & I just ended up un-doing what they did!

No not yet. He's messaged me again today asking if he can book a private scan :/ and telling me I will be there a 100 per cent for his child and also said with me breast feeding the baby how is he ment to have her. I said sorry but you new this from day 1 I wanted to breast feed! And don't think your having her other night straight away because your not! Xx

I lent how to knit when I was pregnant with my son. And I loved it. I didn't knit anything really nice lol but I just done it for a hobby for abit. I might take it back up. Xx

No I've not ate a thing today @matildathecat sorry didn't see your comment. Am at the doctors tomorrow am goig to tell her about my eating. Am at my grand now and she always makes a roast on a Tuesday but I've said I will have a small chicken sandwich I do feel like I do have a problem with my eating. Xx

To be fair, most people struggle to eat after a traumatic breakup, your appetite disappears for a while, if you wasn't pregnant it wouldn't be as much of a worry. Eating a small chicken sandwich is better than nothing though. Hope the hospital and/or your mw can give you some tips to get some nutrition into your system.

i think maybe you shouldn't engage with your ex at all, block his number so you can't receive any texts or calls, he has no right to decide on scans or when he can see your baby. You can decide on that when YOU are ready, and then IF you want him to be involved with the baby then you will tell him, God he sounds like such an arse, I really do believe in time you will look back and wonder what you saw in him x

I just feel abit controlled by him at the minute it's all what he says goes he's very bad tempered which I've only noticed the last couple of months.. I do feel he thinks e can still tell me what to do and when he says something he expects me to do what he says am not saying he's a terrible man because when we where together he helped me and new how difficult my life is with this heart cond and it's got so mch worse with me beig pregnant it's getting worse all the time. And he did understand and now e don't help 1 bit or ask how I am!! I feel so much better fr not being on Facebook I don't think am strong anuth to be back on Facebook yet so I will keep that off! But this book is slowly making me stronger and soon hopefully he will just be a distant memory xx

How are you in contact with him Natalie?

Like, how is he managing to control you?

No I mean when we where together want ever he said goes I think it's because he's older than me maybe. Like with the breast feeding thing he's like really well how will I have her ect am not a bad person and would never stop him from seeing her but he needs to step up to the mark now and he isn't doin it and he's saying he's coming to the birth ect I just feel a bit uncomfortable about the hole thing x

He doesn't get to make those decisions. He doesn't get a say in breastfeeding or who is at the birth. This is reality (if you choose it) and it's a reality of freedom and opportunity.

It would be horrible to have a man who is not your partner at the birth, OP.

And may I reiterate that you shouldn't put him on her birth certificate. You can still let him see the baby and get child support. But considering his total insensitivity and your bad heart, you don't want to give him the power that his name on her birth cert would give him.

You need to learn to do without him because he isn't going to step up to the mark. Don't waste precious energy or time thinking about him or what he should do.

Are you hearing from others what he's doing or what he's been saying? If so, you really need to tell these 'well meaning' friends that you don't want to know. Also, please try not to waste time thinking about the past. It doesn't do any good. The past is the past. It can't be changed or made to be what is wasn't.

You really have to make yourself stop thinking about him so much. I know it's hard. But you really do need to keep busy with other things.

I am am going home in the next 2 weeks after I've bought everything I need for the house. Ect I am trying so very hard I really am! I have had people say this and that my hairdresser came today and was sayig stuff about him and I said I don't want to no because it's nt helping me so she jut stopped! Just stupid thigs remind me of him! I am completely pushin my self to get him out my head because he's showed his true colours I no I need to do these things and I get so mad at my self when I think about him xx

It's just nature to think about him, but a lot of it will be habit. You just need to gently pull yourself away from those thoughts.

(Do you mean you're not staying in your new house now?).

No am not staying at my new house yet. Am buying stuff everyday or it. Well I went to my doctors appointment this morning and told my doctor everything I broke down. She thinks I've got an eating disorder I felt and I cryed all the way home. I feel ok now xxx

Am trying to pull my self together x

Did you ask her outright? Perhaps she's just worried that you're not eating enough. It'd be understandable given everything you've got going on.

I think that right now your 'eating is disordered' rather than you having an 'eating disorder' if you see what I mean. But it does sound as if your doctor is concerned. I think we all are. Are you taking prenatal vitamins? If not, please start. Please remember that you need to eat for the baby, even when you don't want to. Anything is better than nothing. I'd rather hear that you are eating McDonald's 3 times a day or ice cream and crisps than eating nothing at all.

I missed your post about the scan, etc. If he is still calling or leaving messages then I think it is time for you to change your phone number. It's obvious that all he is doing is upsetting you more and more.

If you broke down and cried, that's not always a bad thing. Sometimes that 'release' is good and helps you to move forward a bit.

Natalie, have you considered counseling? When I had my bad break up I saw a counselor and it was the best thing I ever did. She really helped me deal with the aftermath and helped me learn a lot about myself. I was in the particularly bad situation where my ex and I had to work in the same office. I saw him every day and had to see him laughing and flirting with all the women in the office and our clients. I had to overhear about when he went out and who he met & had sex with. It was awful and I couldn't cope. Any way, do think about it. A good counselor can really help you get over the worst of it and point you in a good direction for the future.

My doctor said I think you have a problem and there's nothing we can do at the minute as you are 27 weeks pregnant. She said you need to try and eat I have ate a slice of toast wen I came back. She wants to see me again next week. She said I should start counselling and she wanted to start me on auntie depressants tablets I've refused as I do think am slowly gettig back I don't think am mentally ill. Am just going threw a lot of bad things at the minute. I think it's just with my hormones and obs the break up my doctor is lovely and wry understanding I see my doctor every couple of weeks about my heart so she nos a lot about my background. I walked home and cryed all the way home I don't even no why when I think about :( xx

I think you should accept the help, especially the counselling. And perhaps set yourself a deadline. If you're still not eating properly, feeling weepy etc by your next appointment give the antidepressants a try.