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Original poster

The other woman

227 replies

winkywinkola · 16/12/2014 18:16

So, you have her phone number and her email.

You know your h is the swine who betrayed you.

How do you resist contacting her to give her a piece of your mind?

I have a friend who got 'her' ow by the throat once. She said it felt so good to see the witch shit her pants.

OP posts:
UptheAnty · 17/12/2014 17:11

Thank you Flowers

No one has been unkind...it is an emotive subject..

I am thinking on your opinions, I will reflect on them.

slithytove · 17/12/2014 17:14

Then pick another fucking analogy to show that the ow is complicit in adultery. Jeez way to miss my point and pick holes!

Spero · 17/12/2014 17:14

I don't think Dolly needs me to explain anything about anything.

pinkfrocks · 17/12/2014 17:14

UptheAnty
You wrote this

we were living separately.

Did you and your Dh not have a conversation about boundaries before you started living separately?

You should have. Because for many couples who split in that way it can become permanent and the assumption is that during a separation each is a free agent.

Your behaviour towards the woman in the pub is beyond the pale. I don't know how you sleep at night knowing your lies ( or lack of real truth) cost someone their job and marriage.

Flingmoo · 17/12/2014 17:15

HelenaDove I was in the same boat as you as a child, and I was going to say the same thing myself - it would have caused a lot more angst growing up if there were lies involved making it impossible to know what or who to believe.

Spero · 17/12/2014 17:16

slithy, gaze upwards and watch in wonder as the point whizzes above your head, trailing glorious sparks.

I object to any anlogy, any view that attempts to dilute blame from where it very firmly should be - the lying, cheating, nasty man.

God knows what line these men spin to these women - well actually I do know from seeing a very dear friend go through this. He told her his marriage was in name only, they never had sex any more, as soon as his youngest child was 18 he would leave her and be with my friend.

His youngest child was about 10 at the time. She wasted two years of her life on him.

The OW may not know or may be deluded as to what is going on with the married man's life. The married man however knows damn well what he is doing. He knows just how married he is.

slithytove · 17/12/2014 17:17

I dont think anyone has said that the ow has STOLEN a bloke.

But she certainly is guilty of lacking morals, being a bitch, and making stupid fucking choices. And if I choose to hate the women who chose to destroy my childhood, I will. I don't blame my dad for that because he didn't force her to tell a 5 year old.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 17/12/2014 17:17

Anty, last word from me about this (promise!). Please think on how seeing the OW off so cruelly and efficiently has let your H so easily off the hook, protected him from having to deal with the consequences of his own actions and has probably seriously damaged any future attempts at reconciliation for precisely those reasons.

What's done is done of course though. I am not advocating any apologies or owt daft like that Smile

slithytove · 17/12/2014 17:18

Once again, OW is complicit. Takes 2. One to cheat on his family, one to cheat with.

Saying someone is complicit is hardly taking blame from the main perpetrator, which was MY point. And please don't be so patronising as to tell me that the point I was making has soared over my fucking head.

slithytove · 17/12/2014 17:19

*womAn not womEn

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 17/12/2014 17:19

slithy I don't think any analogies are required, actually

it is enough to say that OW (and OM) are complicit in adultery and I agree

Spero · 17/12/2014 17:21

slithy, agree what a bitch. But a bitch your dad chose. He has got to be quite a lot to blame for that situation.

Bogeyface · 17/12/2014 17:21

I dont think the stolen goods analogy is that far from the truth. Obviously it isnt meant to be taken literally in terms of a man being "stolen" from his wife.

If you know that something has been stolen and you buy it anyway then you are complicit in the crime. You didnt steal the item but that doesnt make you blameless.

If you know that someone is married and you shag them anyway then you are complicit in their affair. You are not the cheater but that doesnt make you blameless.

Sure, a man who is determined to cheat will do so, but I reserve the right to think a lot less of anyone, man or woman, who knowingly and willingly be an affair partner.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 17/12/2014 17:22

I hope OP is ok.

HelenaDove · 17/12/2014 17:23

Mamushka. Thanks i still remember the rows and arguments even now and it was 33 years ago. It would have been worse if one of them was trying to defend themselves against a lie because the rows would have been even louder and more intense.

MorrisZapp · 17/12/2014 17:24

In the example that anty gave, her husband and her were living apart. I'm assuming he told ow that they were separated, and did not tell her that he was hoping to reconcile.

If I have got that right, then it's hard to see the ows morals as being different to anybody else in a pub on a date. Apologies anty if I have misunderstood.

Bogeyface · 17/12/2014 17:29

Morris I would suggest that it not being her first affair makes her morals questionable. And yes, he probably did say they were seperated rather than living apart while they try to sort their marriage out before he moves back in.

Bogeyface · 17/12/2014 17:30

Well, that and the fact that she was married with a baby, so hardly a naive singleton he strung along.

slithytove · 17/12/2014 17:31

Thank you bogey.

My dad had a drunken ons when he and my mum were having issues and separating. He regretted it, told her, and they decided to continue to work on their marriage.

The ow said she loved him and he loved her, stalked my mum, rang the house, told me daddy was leaving. Just as it's ridiculous to blame her for dad cheating, it's ridiculous to blame my dad for her behaviour.

Nice try though spero.

UptheAnty · 17/12/2014 17:32

Dh was staying with a friend temporarily.....
Ow knew this... She knows me... And my dc.....

She is no innocent.

Without getting more into it all - she was fully "in the know".

MorrisZapp · 17/12/2014 17:36

Her own personal circs aren't really relevant though are they? I can understand how anty must have been upset at the thought of him seeing someone else while she thought they were reconciling, but this woman was seeing a man who lived on his own. What am I missing here? I don't get the outrage.

MorrisZapp · 17/12/2014 17:37

Sorry, crosspost. I guess there is more to this than you want to share here anty, that's up to you.

UptheAnty · 17/12/2014 17:37

We had reconciled and he kept seeing her... He was never a free agent...... She knew this.,,

HelenaDove · 17/12/2014 17:39

So did he!

Bogeyface · 17/12/2014 17:39

But according to Anty, she did know that they werent in fact seperating and decided to have an affair with him anyway. Sorry in my book that makes her as bad as him.

I do genuinely feel for anyone who is strung along by a cheater who claims to be single and free for a relationship. If they really dont know that their new boy/girlfriend is in fact in a committed relationship then they have nothing to be blamed for, but if they know then I am afraid that they are just as guilty as the cheater.