The other woman

[winkywinkola]

So, you have her phone number and her email.

You know your h is the swine who betrayed you.

How do you resist contacting her to give her a piece of your mind?

I have a friend who got 'her' ow by the throat once. She said it felt so good to see the witch shit her pants.

UpTheAnty words fail me, seriously.

I'm not really sure why you are so shocked??

I kind of look at it as buying stolen goods. You aren't the thief, but you are complicit in the crime.

People are not "property" to be "stolen". < sigh >

Why the sympathy for the ow?

I don't get it.

I've never courted the interest of a married ,commited man.
I've never had an inappropriate relationship with anyone ever.

I do not blame the ow.
I hold my dh fully responsible.

Did the ow think about me or my dc?
No- why should she.

So why should I give a fuck about her??

I can assure you - I am a kind, generous person who cares about others. But I will not have empathy for anyone who disregards the accepted behaviour of good moral people but then expects the rules to apply when it affects them.

You intentionally set out to damage her life, causing unnecessary harm to an innocent party with a deliberate lie. That's not "not giving a fuck about her".

You remember the whole two wrongs don't make a right thing?

Mmmm

Still don't care.

She made her choices when she conducted a secret relationship with my dh.

She fucked with me.

I fucked with her.

She fucked with the wrong person this time.

Absolutely no regrets.

I don't have sympathy for the OW. I draw the line at deliberately and singlemindedly wrecking her life (and that of her children) by telling lies about her.

That brings you down to her level.

I bet you take your cheating fucker of a husband back. He's sitting pretty isn't he, like a Dog with Two Dicks. I save the majority of my contempt for him...he's got away scot free. No one forced him to treat you like shit, yet you make someone else suffer for it.

Pitiful.

If a man was "committed" he wouldn't be fucking around with other women. You have it arse-roads about, Anty.

So she's a skank. Yep, I get it. if my husband was fooling about with skanks, that is down to him

You haven't protected yourself by dealing with her, and you haven't protected your marriage. you have simply given your husband the message that he can dabble with OW and you will clear up his messes for him

That's pretty much a green light for him to do it again

I don't know it's a lie.

She wrecked her own life - it's her 3rd affair.

My dh is definitely not sitting pretty.

As for the dc- I can't even begin to tell you what mine have been through, at least hers is a baby and won't remember any of this.

No regrets. No sympathy.

I have no sympathy for OW, none whatsoever - check my post history. But for all you know your husband was telling her you were over (not a huge leap given you were living separately).

I do, however, have sympathy for her DH, who has been equally shat on by them, then you came along and dragged him into your revenge and dumped a steaming pile of horse turd all over him. You've put him through hell and deliberately lied to him.

You seem hardly angry with your husband at all, yet for all you know she thought you were separated because, well, you were separated.

I'd put money on you taking your DH back and forgiving him, whilst maintaining your anger toward her. Good luck with that.

This thread is
The other woman,

I'm telling my story from that viewpoint.
I do not blame the ow.
My dh is not a victim.

Please don't get it confused...

His wife put him through hell.

You don't know it's the truth either

I would only throw such a grenade if I was completely sure I was telling the truth. You are no better than her. You have convinced yourself you are vindicated though, so that's up to you and I doubt a couple of internet spprites will change your mind

If you are decent person, when all this hurt and drama has settled, I think you will realise what you did was wrong

Sorry- posted to quickly

I didn't put him through hell
His wife did.

She fucked around on him for years and you have the nerve to hold me responsible for how he feels? Ffs.

My personal opinion, Anty, is that you have fucked yourself over if you ever take your husband back. Nobody else matters here, and that is my whole point.

I contacted my OW. I really really regret the momentary lapse in my dignity and I would never do it again.

Trust me op. It's not worth it. The satisfaction is fleeting, the regret lasts longer.

The only time I contacted the ow in my case, was to send email proof of my 'D'h begging to come round to have sex with me, telling me how much he loved and missed me and the DCs (he was having an affair and moved in with ow unknown to me - told me he needed "space"). My only regret was I wasn't a fly on the wall when she received it in his presence . I didn't have to say anything to her - the emails spoke for themselves.

I could also have got her sacked from her place of work for having a relationship with a customer (gross misconduct) but I didn't because she was a single mum so why should her DCs suffered because of her and my DH's behaviour? Her workplace found out anyway because ow and DH were so open about their relationship and she was transferred.

Me and DH have repaired our relationship and after 6 years of never seeing her or hearing about, she has been transferred back to the office around the corner from us again (I am sure she could have had some say in this ). DH informed me as soon as he saw her (did not speak to each other) and assumed it was a temporary transfer but it would appear she is back for good.....

Me and DH bumped into her a couple of weeks ago - I have never seem her before except for some Facebook stalking. The only way I knew it was her was because of her uniform and the bloody filthy look she gave me. DH confirmed it was her - I was pleased DH and I were sharing a joke and laughing together (could have been having a Christmas row ). Not sure why it was me that got the filthy look rather than DH - me and the DCs were the innocent parties.

TBH I am struggling with having to see her most days - have to drive past her office on the school run and often see her walking along the road. DH wanted to have a word with her employers (they have many branches and she doesn't live around here) but I told him not to bother because it would send her a message that we are bothered, that she matters and we have not moved on. So I will give her my biggest smile the next time we meet in the street

I appreciate all that you say and am listening and open...I do not know what I will do with my marriage long term.... It's been 20 years and no indiscretions to this point ... But I expect better and am mightily pissed.

However..,,.

As for the ow.

I really at this moment have no regrets or sympathy.

That is a fact.

I look in the mirror happily everyday and hold my head up high. I'm sorry that's such a problem for some but it's not for me.

Good luck op with whatever you decide.

slithytove
I kind of look at it as buying stolen goods. You aren't the thief, but you are complicit in the crime
Yes agree.

FWIW I think my reaction would be heavily influenced by how well I knew the OW or she knew me.

A friend/relative or DH's colleague - well seeing as they definitely know DH is married and I exist I would take their participation in the affair to say they thought their pleasure was more important than my happiness, my marriage and my family and that they had zero respect for me. In which case I think I'd be fully entitled to inform them that their actions had consequences.

If it was a relative stranger...I'm not so sure.

Either way, DH would not be free from blame.

The thing is, in 90% of cases the ow doesn't give a shit anyway. The only response I got to my email to the ow was a "he is mine now. Let it go." To which I replied. "You're welcome to him. At least you know what you're getting."

I just wish I'd kept schtum. Not because I don't think she deserved it. Not because I wasn't angry. But because it actually achieved nothing for me. And that was what was important at the time - healing myself. The email to the ow didn't contribute one jot to that process so it really isn't worth it.

I agree, BOOP. I can see how contact with her achieves nothing, and in some cases actually makes your own situation even worse (as in Anty's situation).

Please stop now anyfucker...
Your opinion is just that -an opinion not a fact..... Please stop making statements about my life as if they are a fact.

I don't see why you should hold back. Tell her what a scummy lowlife she is if you want to. It's no more than she deserves.

Another one disgusted by your post, UptheAnty, you sound so very proud of yourself when there is absolutely nothing to be proud about in your conduct, it's horrible.

Do stop telling AF or anybody else to stop. If you want people not to comment on your behaviour, don't post about it.

BitOutOfPractice... I hope that your healing is very much underway now, I think you're bang on with your comments that your healing is the only thing that matters.