Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 9 10

Original poster

The other woman

227 replies

winkywinkola · 16/12/2014 18:16

So, you have her phone number and her email.

You know your h is the swine who betrayed you.

How do you resist contacting her to give her a piece of your mind?

I have a friend who got 'her' ow by the throat once. She said it felt so good to see the witch shit her pants.

OP posts:

MerryDickCrack · 16/12/2014 23:10

I emailed the ow. It made me feel loads better. I also think it contributed to her not wanting him after I threw him out. He's now a lonely and bitter fucker who realised he can't have his cake and eat it. I told her he was racist, had false teeth and erectile problems. I told her how much debt he was in. I told her she was welcome to him and I would look forward to her financial contributions to the upkeep of my home and children. I was icily polite. I ended by saying he'd told me she wasn't blessed with brains but was inoffensive and concluded I didn't agree, she offended me.

Spero · 16/12/2014 23:11

Of course fucking someone else's husband is wrong. But to direct the majority of your rage against the 'other woman' is just weird. No one 'gets stolen/taken'. the man choses to have sex with someone else. The man who is in a relationship. That is the person against whom anger and contempt should be directed.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 16/12/2014 23:15

Usual, let me give you a tip if you ever venture back here. It's ok to disagree but it's better without the antagonism.

usualsuspect333 · 16/12/2014 23:17

No chance of me coming back here..

I've well and truly been put in my place. It's obviously not ok to disagree.

AlfAlf · 16/12/2014 23:37

Actually I do believe an OW is partly to blame, and feeling at least some anger is a natural response. Someone who knowingly fucks someone who's in a relationship with someone else is a bit of a shit in my book. Especially if there are dc involved. Not as much of a shit as the cheating man, but still a bit of a shit. That's my opinion.
However, in my experience giving the OW a piece of my mind made me feel even worse, that I'd sunk so low, and lost a bit more dignity.. and it also gave her the opportunity to play the poor little victim.
Getting on with my own life without the cheating ex and letting go of the anger and bitterness was the only thing that made me feel better.

chemistc · 16/12/2014 23:53

AlfAlf I agree and I think that would be my reaction, give her a piece of my mind but in the end regret it and feel like crap. Probably would feel great at first though.

AskMeAnother · 16/12/2014 23:58

I told her he was racist, had false teeth and erectile problems. I told her how much debt he was in. I told her she was welcome to him and I would look forward to her financial contributions to the upkeep of my home and children. I was icily polite. I ended by saying he'd told me she wasn't blessed with brains but was inoffensive
Got to admit, there must have been some satisfaction in doing that!

pausingforbreath · 17/12/2014 00:26

I had all her contact details but only used them once.
My friend sent her this to work

www.smuttycards.com/sleep-with-new-job-card/prod_1409.html

The OW & Dh worked together - she left following the affair ending.

Bogeyface · 17/12/2014 01:49

I disagree with the comments that suggest anyone who contacts the OW is directing all of her anger at the OW. You can accept that the man who cheated on you is the one who broke his promises etc, but if the OW knew he was married and shagged him anyway, why should you be angry with her.

There are some things you just dont do, and having an affair with someone elses spouse is one of those things. If nothing else it makes it clear the the affair partner that you are a real person, not a concept, an imaginary being, some She-Devil-esque spurned ex wife. You are/were the wife, the mother, the partner, the legitimate spouse. You are/were not the secret, the quick shag, the exciting secret and that you and your children have/are suffering as a result of what she chose to do.

I have noticed a common theme in posts from OW on MN, they never think about the wife. Thats how they sleep at night, its how they justify what they do. By making yourself real you could argue that you are doing the OW a favour by making her rethink her actions and considering whether she will make the same decisions again if she is ever approached by a married man. Her knowing that you were having a sex life, were planning holidays, celebrated your anniversary and were not unhappy and staying together for the kids exposes his lies and her willingness to believe them.

Just a thought.

Bogeyface · 17/12/2014 01:50

but if the OW knew he was married and shagged him anyway, why SHOULDNT you be angry with her.

EhricJinglingHisBallsOnHigh · 17/12/2014 06:00

I text her to tell her we had still been together at the time they started cheating. I didn't contact her again after that day, but for me the best revenge was accidental :)
The OW is good friends with a woman I later met through work and became friends with (before I knew they knew each other). I never intended to tell our mutual friend about the affair but she found out anyway and had a conversation with OW and then with me to get it out in the open. Imagining the OW awkwardly trying to explain things to a friend of hers who knows, likes and respects me was my favourite mental image :)

loveareadingthanks · 17/12/2014 08:50

I was angry with both.

They were both complicit in deceiving me and in his betrayal of me. She's equally to blame.

I sent a letter with a few home truths about him and otherwise asking her if she was proud of herself and making some comments about her faked religion (she claims to be a Christian, and she even works as admin at a church).

I emailed her a few bible quotes about adultery.

I then finally rang her at work (yes, at the church) and called her all sorts of names, which she didn't seem to care about at the time, but it had the result I wanted. I think he was worried about what else I might do so he finally did what I'd been asking him to do, after 7 months of ridiculous stories and justifications and denial, admitted their affair and told me a bit more of the truth about it all. Which was what I needed to find some peace of mind as the continuing lies were driving me nuts. I couldn't just forget all about him/the affair as I work with him and see him every day. Every day was like a slap in the face till he came clean(ish).

No contact after that.

I really don't care what anyone else thinks about what I did. I hope it all made her feel bad even for one millisecond. If it didn't, doesn't matter, it made me feel better.

loveareadingthanks · 17/12/2014 08:54

Oh yeah,and I had information (emails) that showed he was also cheating with another woman he saw when he travelled on business. But I kept that to myself. I wasn't annoyed with the other woman as it had only been a couple of months and the emails between them stopped immediately he told her he couldn't take phone calls during the evenings or at weekends. She obviously twigged he wasn't single and told him to take a hike. So I didn't tell OW he left me for, fuck her, I just feel a glow of satisfaction that he's doing exactly the same to her at the very same time he was arranging to leave me and move into OWs house.

She'll get what's coming to her at some point. He's obviously not all that keen on her after all.

Sickoffrozen · 17/12/2014 08:59

My cheating ex when caught out expected me to beg him to stay etc etc....I didn't even let him explain. He was out at that point and that was that. I don't see the point of dialogue with a cheat.

UptheAnty · 17/12/2014 11:21

I caught my dh in the pub with a female work colleague.
We had been having problems for a while & we were living separately.
They had an "inappropriate friendship" and had been meeting for drinks. She was married with a little baby and apparently was also having problems at home.
My dh and her kissed once.
She had met me & our dc, shook my fucking hand.
I'm not sure I'll ever be able to forgive dh for the betrayal although he's working his arse off and desperate to regain my trust.
When I caught them - I ignored her.
But later I felt anger towards her also.
I went to her job looking fab and informed the assistant that instead of going home to her baby in the evenings she was having secret meetings with my dh in the pub- I did this in a full office with a smile on my face and s head tilt and wished her a good day.
She went off on long term sick the next day.
I informed her dh - we met to discuss it, apparently she had form so he wasn't to surprised.
I told him they fucked. They didn't.
He chucked her out.
She tried desperately to get him back. She tried to contact my dh to ask him to talk to me. He blocked her.
Don't think for one minute I blame her or that my dh is a victim....
I will decide what will happen in the future in my marriage.

I will not apologise for the satisfaction I feel that the ow is now royally fucked.
I do not care.
I'm glad.

MorrisZapp · 17/12/2014 11:30

Not sure if I understand uptheanty, but your dh was meeting this woman
for drinks, and they kissed once. You are still with your dh, and have told her employers about the meetings, and told lies to her husband that they were having sex when to your knowledge they weren't?

UptheAnty · 17/12/2014 11:36

We aren't together as I'm unsure wether I would like to proceed in my marriage after recent revelations.

I've only got the word of my lying dh that they didn't have sex- they could have...I don't know, I wasn't there.

JohnFarleysRuskin · 17/12/2014 11:37

I would email, short and sharp, but with overtones of 'I will get you when you least expect it' kind of thing.

I believe in 'The Sisterhood' so every OW is a transgressor(?) for me...Of course the greater betrayal is the H's, but the majority of OW's are hugely and nastily complicit in that.

Sickoffrozen · 17/12/2014 11:39

They probably did. Men lie their arses off to minimise their actions.

MorrisZapp · 17/12/2014 11:39

I will get you when you least expect it?? Bloody hell. That's a threat, and a criminal offence.

Please don't anybody send these type of messages, however angry and hurt you are feeling. They are written proof of you using threats, and you could get into serious trouble.

Windywenceslas · 17/12/2014 11:43

UptheAnty - I can understand you being angry, but you get the truth and get to work on your marriage, whereas her DH thinks they fucked because of you, when they didn't. That's disgusting behaviour from you.

You have every right to be angry, but if you can forgive your DH, then why are you so set on destroying her marriage? As I understand it you were on a break from your DH at the time anyway, so I don't want to come over all American sitcom-esque, but you were on a break

All they did was kiss and you've systematically tried to destroy her life. That's nasty.

IrianofWay · 17/12/2014 11:43

Leave her be.

I understand the anger, beleive me I do. But keep your dignity. You will acheive nothing but a short-term relief followed, potentially, by shame, and more emotional mess.

I knew the OW's phone number. I knew where she lived. I could have told her H any time I wished. I suspect her knowledge of those facts and fear that I might so that was the best revenge I could have had.

I would never condone violence - it's not in me, even towards my H who deserved it more than she did.

UptheAnty · 17/12/2014 11:49

We were trying to reconcile and a few of there meetings took place when we were together.
At one point he took our daughter.
I caught them when I was with my daughter.

I am not sorry.

I hope she cries everyday and night.

She made her choices.

Choose the behaviour live with the consequences .

MorrisZapp · 17/12/2014 11:51

What a vindictive, spiteful person you sound uptheanty. You seem to be relishing ruining somebody's life, and for what?

UptheAnty · 17/12/2014 11:53

Let's just agree to disagree Morris.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 9 10