The other woman

[winkywinkola]

So, you have her phone number and her email.

You know your h is the swine who betrayed you.

How do you resist contacting her to give her a piece of your mind?

I have a friend who got 'her' ow by the throat once. She said it felt so good to see the witch shit her pants.

The OP was asking about emailing or calling, not physical violence. There is quite a difference.

I think my mum was very dignified protecting her children from this vicious cunt of a woman. Who the fuck brings a 5 year old into it. I found out as an adult it was a ons so how the fuck she thought it was love is beyond me. She ended up stalking my mum and my mum just lost it one day. The policewoman who was told didn't deem arrest necessary.

Well yes, and I replied saying I think I would contact her. I never said I would slap her.

I have a friend who got 'her' ow by the throat once. She said it felt so good to see the witch shit her pants.

Er.... why?

I'm married. But if my DH cheated, I hope that I'd have the character and good sense to blame him. He is the one who made vows to me. He is the one who owes me loyalty. He cheats = his problem.

I'm not pretending I wouldn't be furious/broken hearted/ sobbing in the gutter

But an OW - any OW - owes me nothing. Calling a woman "a witch" places the blame in the wrong place.

This attitude to me buys into a misogynistic view of society where men are all powerful in all ways: "It's OK if I cheat because it's not by fault. I'm a man. I have a penis. I have not control. It's the work of the evil siren in the corner. BLAME HER"

I hope to god this never happens to me. But I hope to god even more that if it ever did that I honour my own values and place the blame where it lies. It would be my DH's fault entirely. He is an adult man. His responsibility to be faithful to me - 100%. His choice if he does not 100%.

I would blame them equally.

I don't buy into the OW is a victim thing that seems to be the law on MN.

My very-recently-exDH bought me some clothes and underwear online over the summer, and was simultaneously buying almost identical items for the OW on the same account. I've bundled them up with a view to posting my stuff on to her address to add to her collection. I haven't done it (yet) but I just might especially since she's a size bigger than me

Be extremely polite to her in an email asking to know why she was on your property on X date. Also ask when you can deliver his belongings to her, and make mention that you will be bringing her into the divorce and finance court proceedings……

End with a thank you and wish her happy christmas.

It's not the "law on MN" usual that the OW is always seen as a victim, don't be silly

have you seen the bad time that OW's get on here ?

there is a live one now getting another arsehole ripped as we speak

The only thing I'd be tempted to say to her is "Thank you for fucking my husband. You've made me see what a bastard he is, so you're welcome to him" then I'd chuck the DH out and crack on with the divorce.

winky you ok ?

Have the OW defenders on here been on the other thread and told her not to worry because she is blameless?

you are getting daft now, usual

there are no "OW defenders" here, simply people who think that the responsibility for cheating lies with the individual

In a perfect world I would keep my dignity, but honestly I don't think I could help myself. I'm afraid I am ruled by my emotions and not my head.

the OW defenders

Women don't need defending. They haven't done anything wrong. A wife who attacks (physically or in any way) her husband's mistress is blaming the object not the subject. Making the gun, not the gunman, responsible for the shooting, you might say. It immediately puts the wife in the wrong.

You might enjoy causing her harm but its revenge you should be wreaking on your husband, not her.

the OW is always seen as a victim

No, women aren't victims either. They are people exercising free choice. If they too are married, they are making free choice to be unfaithful - so their husbands might cause for complaint against them, but the wives of their partners in adultery don't - they have to address their own husbands.

So is all behaviour from the ow justifiable? Like when she brings the mans children into it?

I'd say my mum had cause for complaint that OW told a 5 year old what was going on

Nobody has said what OW do is justifiable. Am I reading a different thread ?

Anyway, winky I have pm'ed you x

I found out about the affair, we decided to work on our marriage. He had a good job with nothing else like it in our area. I emailed the ow, told her she had 1 month to leave the company or I'd tell her husband. She left exactly 30 days later. I never told her husband.

That's the sum total of my communication with her. It was 8 years ago now. Dh and I are still together, it's pretty much completely forgotten. I'm glad I did it.

I would resist contacting her, because while I would be very, very angry and feel betrayed etc, etc, i would reserve the largest part of that anger for the man who betrayed me - the OW didn't promise to love and honour me, he did.

And to physically attack someone.... so you have not just lost your dignity but maybe your good character? A caution or conviction for assault is never a good look.

So fucking another womans husband is perfectly ok then, not wrong at all?

So go tell the OW on the other thread to fill her boots. It's perfectly fine to do what you like and there will be no consequences.

Medea, Another and others...agree with you on this!

A conviction for assault or even harassment but no physical assault would lose me my job and my livelihood. I would never risk that for any man or any woman.

And Askmeanother, anyfucker etc agree with you guys...

There is a distressed woman started this thread. The subtle goading of respondents going on here looks in rather poor taste.

Ah ok.

Sorry . Now I know why I avoid relationships.

Toe the party line or shut up.

Good luck , OP.