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Original poster

Confused - he prefers tiny women

159 replies

chirripwhoo · 16/12/2014 12:49

I'm not sure how anyone can really help with this, but I can't talk to my friends and feel so alone.
Basically, I'm in my late 30s, and my partner (together 4 years, no children) has become increasingly negative about me and my body. He will poke my stomach to see if it is soft, and try to grab the flesh around my hips, or the bit below my bra to check if there is anything "extra". He says he has to close his eyes when we have sex as he can't bear to see any folds of flesh.

I know he looks at lots of images of young women online, always tiny and perfect and teens/early 20s. I simply can't look like that. I should add that he's a good 2 stone overweight. He's also started giving me tiny portions of food in comparison to his and getting narked if I ask for more or serve myself more. I'm active and get so tired if I don't eat enough, but he will watch every bit I put in my mouth like a hawk. I truly don't know what to do!

OP posts:
NeverFreezeLobsters · 16/12/2014 13:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GritStrength · 16/12/2014 13:12

There is no good ending here unless you leave him

AndTheBandPlayedForGingerbread · 16/12/2014 13:15

Save your dignity:
Don't have sex with him anymore.
Don't eat with him anymore.
And I would also bat push his hand away any time he wanted to poke, prod, pinch or jiggle and say "don't touch me!"
He may be inspired to leave you then...But why do that dance? Save time, show him the door. What a jerk.

MaryWestmacott · 16/12/2014 13:15

erm, why are you still having sex with him? How can you be turned on by someone who doesn't like you enough to be polite?

LTB.

For comparassion, when I got together with the now DH, I was a small size 6, 4 in some shops. The now DH did say more than one that he did prefer slim woman (I'm also only 5' with a small frame - so this isn't freakishly slim on me!) After having DCs I went up to a 12 which on my frame was fat, I'm back to a large size 6/small 8, but at no point in all that has he said anything other than that I'm gorgeous, he's never felt the need to shut his eyes during sex, and when I was on a diet he was supportive enough not to be cooking chips or serving up giant portions, but that was coming from trying not to upset me, your DH seems to be doing the opposite, trying to upset you.

Liking tiny woman is something a lot of men do, and is reasonable as a preferance (as is liking larger woman, liking woman with big norks, liking super tall woman etc), but being anything other than loving towards your partner is never acceptable.

MaryWestmacott · 16/12/2014 13:17

oh and have been the size you are now or did you used to be tiny? There's a type of man who picks one shape of woman, but then tells her over and over he prefers something else to make her feel bad. If you were a size 4 I bet he'd be saying he liked big boobs, or a shapely bum, or not liking 'boyish bodies'.

For men like this, it's about insulting to undermine confidence and keep control.

This isn't love.

LiDLrichardsPistachioSack · 16/12/2014 13:25

Ugh ugh ugh! He sounds like the kind of 'man' who sees women as commodities that have to fit certain "specifications" to appeal to their false, hollow egos. These men do not see women as human beings.

It sounds like he's hidden that about himself until just recently? What a fucking creepy abusive misogynist and if I were you I would be leaving him yesterday.

ReindeerDontFly · 16/12/2014 13:30

He says he has to close his eyes when he's having sex with you.... I can't see how you can do anything other than leave him.

gypsygirlfromlondon · 16/12/2014 13:32

Is your life for rent? Run, run and run. Sounds like a sad, fat, pathetic misogynistic idiot.

Really, honestly- you want to be with a man like this? Shock He is expressing contempt, not love.

What if you did have children with him? Will he call you fat when you are pregnant and then afterwards? If you had any more or even have to have a C Section? God forbid!

Get your life together woman and get out while you are free of ties.

You don't have any time to loose if you want a family. The right man will come along if you can be free of this bad relationship.

Listen to the good advice on here or deal with the consequences.

Leave! Do it ! Buy yourself some Xmas chocolate. Good luck Flowers x

foreverdepressed · 16/12/2014 13:34

Dump him, letting him know you prefer men with rock hard 6-packs and a 9" penis.

GoatsDoRoam · 16/12/2014 13:36

What are you confused about?

He is horrible, and does not like you. To the point where he is cruel to you. This isn't one of those things that can be fixed.

newstart15 · 16/12/2014 13:38

This isn't the behaviour of someone who loves you. It's very hard to hear but I doubt he is capable of loving anyone as he has an image and no one will match up to this. I think the comment about having sex with his eyes closed is really horrible and will damage your self esteem. Why can't you talk to your friends? You shouldn't feel alone as this isn't your fault.

dadwood · 16/12/2014 13:47

He's controlling and objectifies you instead of seeing you as a person. Give him a biscuit and then leave him. Leave him to his online pictures.

What newstart15 just said is really important. The longer you are exposed to this emotional abuse, because that it what it is, the more damage your self-esteem will take. Sad

Footle · 16/12/2014 14:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Guiltypleasures001 · 16/12/2014 14:16

Sorry op dump him if he's asking you to wax intimately then phone 101 before you go and get his net history checked, I've got claxons going off in my mind on this one.

JingleBellSniffer · 16/12/2014 14:17

my man prefers bigger women with massive boobs and podgy hips and a big bum, i don't have that. Just flab.
He has never said to me he doesn't like the way I look, infact he loves it - but I know his preference.
Having a preference is okay. It's normal and okay to have a preference BUT whats not okay is this arse of a man you keep having sex with and stay with... for what reason? He belittles you and puts you down and you "don't know what to do"?
Leave him. He doesn't want you for you, so stop the sex, smack his hand away when he prods you, or just say leave.
He's a wanker.

BringMeTea · 16/12/2014 14:23

Any reason you can't talk to your friends OP?

Original poster
chirripwhoo · 16/12/2014 14:24

This truly isn't a joke. I have a pretty messed up attitude to food having suffered from disordered eating in the past. I'm now healthy - around 8 1/2 stone (I'm 5'4) for the first time in ages and this is what seems to have triggered this change in him. When I was sick he was very supportive. Now I'm ok, this has happened. It started with me finding his internet searches. :(
Because of my history of disordered eating/body image, it is hard to see the wood from the trees.
No one else sees him like this, they all see how he helped me when I was sick.

OP posts:
Goingintohibernation · 16/12/2014 14:28

The weight and height you are, is tiny! It sounds like he wants you sick. Please get away from him, he sounds horrendous.

dadwood · 16/12/2014 14:29

OMG He knows you have had disordered eating in the past and he is actually trying to control your food intake for his own ends.

This is very very bad. Sad

Drumdrum60 · 16/12/2014 14:30

Is this a joke? Is he porn obsessed? Why on earth would you put up with this rubbish being served up by a controlling overweight man? He is entitled and abusive. Tell him to fuck off.

JohnFarleysRuskin · 16/12/2014 14:32

Leave him. Thanks

Set him free for all the tiny women who are going to chase after him.

Please try and confide in a good friend too. You might be surprised to hear what they have to say.

TheWordFactory · 16/12/2014 14:33

Leave him.

A man who fantasises about teen aged women is Very Bad News.

Twinklebells · 16/12/2014 14:33

And perhaps some counselling for yourself to help you recognise how utterly fucked up and abusive he is and why you think this is all you deserve?

I cannot comprehend on which planet you think any of his behaviour would be slightly acceptable. I can't find the words to express how many shades of wrong and abusive he is. I think you should speak to Women's Aid really.

springlamb · 16/12/2014 14:35

He wants to make you sick again. cos that's how he gets his kicks.
You need to thank him kindly for his past help, say he cannot help you anymore as you have both changed, and he should start the new year as a single man searching for his ideal woman. Good day to you sir.
Do NOT allow him to make you ill again. decide you just ain't going there.
I hate those posts where people say 'well my DH...' so let me just say that somewhere not too far away is a man who will love you at 8st and he'll love you at 13st and he will never ever ever in 31 years say that he likes any kind of body better than yours. And when you say 'I think I need to lose some weight, perhaps about 4st' he will say 'if you think it will make YOU happy'.
Go and look for that man (you can't have mine).

TheWordFactory · 16/12/2014 14:35

OP certain men do like women's bodies.
If you're lucky, he's gay.
But you may not be lucky...