The Dating Thread 84.

[MadeMan]

Well, fancy seeing you here.

Hi everyone.

While we're talking about texting - would it bother you if someone didn't really want to, if they were in my situation? I'm dyslexic. My spelling is ok, but I find texting quite hard and it makes me really tense.

break, that's really creepy.

I think if they didn't want to text, then there are emails or phone calls, the latter being the best. So as long as they were willing to do that then it would be fine.

I need to post when I'm not on my phone so I can go back and reply to everyone, sorry. My fizzing brain has been totally sideswiped.

Literally counting the hours down till tomorrow.

Break Its feels horrible when someone you know looks at online profile. My exh brother is on pof and checked my profile. I don't think he told my ex I was on there.

Jessy I always suggest a place to meet for dates that's most convenient for you, I only bothered with men that didn't live miles away. I'm lucky I live close to three towns, I don't drive but have a good bus service. Travel is still expensive but if I'm going to town to do shopping, I will arrange a quick drink on that day.

Regarding MT and his sexual anxiety, does anyone think I should ask what causes or caused it. Or is it Best to just not question him incase it cause him to get anxious again.

Also meeting my kids is not going to happen for quite a while, my dc are 11 & 13. MT dc are 3 and 7 so much younger, my two are going to be harder to introduce, one has some MH issues. Plus my ex would be pissed if i introduced a man I had only known a few months. MT might think because I'm meeting his dc then he can meet mine, I will have to use this weekend to put him straight on this. I was thinking 3 months at the least til I do, my youngest is going to be very loyal to his dad. I was dreading this kind of situation.

Trying to get familiar with everyone on thread, it's very busy in here .

I had wondered if others dated more than one guy at a time, logistically I couldn't do it, not sure if I could do it but it's not that I expect exclusivity from the first date lol.

Arrowminta and Tortillas - after the text - I got back a text which said as I thought it would say that it was him not me (and I'd really ended it anyway). I said he was pathetic (which I thought he was) and he apologised. It came on the back of hearing a very close family friend died yesterday whom I'd seen in Exeter (a long way from me 7-8 hours car drive!) on Tuesday and I'd told him I was seeing her.

I did also mention to him that I didn't think he was ready for a relationship and that he shouldn't mention issues with alcoholism with people (I had an alcoholic father who died but my parents divorced when I was 5 and in the car MSBE suddenly went on about this seeing I should see AA as I'd have issues (I've had therapy for other things sort of including my father) and it shocked me a bit. Also MSBE brought up his ex a lot and what with him being teetotal but a recovering alcoholic and clean for 12 years this was a lot to take in. Anyway it's over now and painless!

Mr Darkside has texted me and we're meeting for lunch on Friday, he rang me last night and seems normal. I'm really pleased I didn't invest in MSBE too much too soon and also had Mr Darkside as a backup. So I've sort of followed The Rules of the Thread here but they do make sense sometimes if you think it applies to you!

Gotta if I were you until you know MT better I'd avoid asking him what causes his sexual anxiety unless he brings it up! I just think you're still in the early stages and I wouldn't be happy bringing this up if it were a problem in my sexual life unless I felt happy with it.

Really - texting when dating is so different to friends/family. as Gotta says it can start off intense etc...

When dating I sort of take the other person's lead, I tend to type more chatty lengthy texts to people I like more and briefer ones to those I don't like as much. You can check in with people you date, good morning etc.

BreakOut - what a strange coincidence he's on the same site and found you, why would he send you messages on a dating site about your daughter when he doesn't see her and presumably he can contact her through normal mediums as well. Idiot! You did the right thing in blocking him.

Gotta can you also put off or get clarification from MT about meeting of kids...

then at least you would know that he doesn't expect a mutual meet-up and you don't have to worry about your ex etc...

Morning all, well date was going good conversation, Until he commented on on how he could no way date a "granny", the look on his face was priceless when I said, well yes my son does have kids. Next......
Date with MR Lotus def on for Friday

gotta - I think if the sexual anxiety isn't rearing its head just now, I'd probably leave it but be open if he starts talking. Or maybe say something like "i love the way we have sex and how open we are with eachother - if there's anything you want me to keep doing or not do to keep things really good, you can always talk to me about it..."?

That sounds tough re: the kids. Mine is only 2 so easier in terms of meetings (and doesn't remember his father and I being together). That means I'm not quite aware of the issues of older children but I wonder if it is almost easier to meet earlier (once you know things are going somewhere), in a more casual way - like "this is a friend who I really enjoy going out and doing things with... I'm not sure where it is going to lead but at the moment, it makes me feel happy". Not to pretend you are "just friends" (I can see they'd see through that one!) but so you can say to them "don't worry, nothing will change" rather than "here's your future stepfather"! And if it was me, I'd want to mention the relationship and be open about it (but without him and DC meeting) for a couple of months before meeting. Just basically make it all an open, casual but also slow and gradual process with as little pressure on all concerned as possible. Maybe I'm being a bit naive in thinking a "don't make a big deal of it and they won't see it as a big deal" is possible with older DC!

MrT stayed over last night, it was really lovely but didn't get much sleep - I'm so tired! Plus I started bleeding in the middle of sex :/, stupid mini pill! He was lovely about it, he was just really concerned he'd hurt me. I didn't manage to mention his profile still online though :/. But he seems OK about his family issues and really keen still so i'm really happy.

your - I tend to have date 1 with various men at the same time (well, not exactly the same time obviously!) but after date 2 (maybe 3 depending on length/type of dates etc), for me personally, I feel happiest focusing just on that person (without pressure). If I had a connection with one man and was going on first dates/chatting with others, I wouldn't enjoy any of the first dates so it'd be pointless.

peacocks I'd just mention that you aren't a big texter, early on and just send short messages that show you're thinking of them. Maybe have some standard messages to copy and paste?!

blossom shocking about not wanting to date a granny! Does it have any actual bearing on the person you are whether your child happens to have children yet?

Raspberry I know mind we are talking about a man in his mid 40's wearing baseball shoes on a date, was not impressed

Ok, i sort of arranged a date with guy number 1, or CSG as he is now to be known, said id let him know when i was free etc. Weve spoken for a few days via pof then text. He seems nice.
Now today another guy (Mr Tattoos) that i messaged last week has responded and seems super confident, and very good looking, and has straight away asked if im free monday for a cuppa, asked to add me on fb etc.
i can do 2 first dates / meet ups in one week, right?

Gin I have had 2 first dates in one go for it. I come to the conclusion it is a numbers game.

One day that was supposed to say, not at the same time

Raspberry Thanks, good advice on MT and meeting kids.

Its good that you had a good night with MrT and he acted in a caring way.

Its funny regarding my older DC who on the Autistic Spec, I casually asked him on his opinion of me finding future happiness with someone on day. He said he'd need time to get use to a new person. He then threw his arms in the air a laughed and said "I Know your on a Dating site mum, Dads on Match.com, I saw it on his laptop.
My youngest DC will be the one who's going to find it difficult sharing his mum, but your advice makes sense Raspberry.

He's also told exh that I'm on a dating site, kids for you :)

Super MT will have to let me move at my own speed on meeting my kids. If he genuinely wants a relationship with me then he will have to wait.

Blossom Some people are so behind, I could be a granny at 40 because i had kids young, What a prat. Hated being called a Milf.

gotta I know a bit of a knob. Not being horrible but I looked younger than him and was not that interested in him especially after that comment. I would not have mentioned GK's but when asked a direct question I am not going to lie, it was quite funny seeing trying dig himself out of it.

Anyway onwards, am getting rather nervous about meeting Mr Lotus again. 2nd date always worse, especially as I really fancied him. He is coming to pick me up and take me for dinner. Unusually for me intellectually it works but he also looks good. I hope I have not built a picture in my head about this.

Blodsom Better to go in positive with second date with MrL, the thing with MT is that I do really Fancy him. I'm ok with men I don't feel are very good looking but nervous around the sexy ones and especially with physical attraction.
Its good that intellectually you have already connected, I am still trying to with MT.
Going to cancel my OK profile, messages coming in thick and fast. Mr Acoustic asked me out for a drink, I don't have time at the mo, dating MT at the moment and would feel bad dating another. Especially as MT see's me as his girlfriend.
Told Mr Acoustic If he'd messaged me a month ago I would of met him asap, he's got alot going for him. Timings all wrong, asked for his number incase.

Gotta If I had DTD and really liked someone I would put others aside for now to. I am not sure what MR L is expecting, getting a bit stressed now.

gotta haha - I like that you and your ex and your eldest all know you're dating! Can you let the younger one know that so he has a heads up and hears your eldest tease you a bit? I wish my ex just knew everything and was OK with it, I'm quite scared he'll kick up a massive fuss if I properly get together with someone (he knew about my last bf though - he just got my 2yo DS to say awful things to me :(). Yes, sounds a good idea to ditch the profile for now at least. I met my last bf on OKCupid, quite liked it but thought I better decamp to POF and leave him to it a

Blossom - good luck, Mr Lotus sounds good. That intellectual connection is hard to find!

Gin - definitely go for 2 dates in one week! I had 4 dates in one weekend once faint - 2 on Friday night, one Saturday morning, one Sunday afternoon. The only slightly difficult thing was the 2 on the Friday night, the first one was super boring and totally exhausted me and the second was a bit shy (but still chatty enough) so I felt utterly drained after! I think it helps to think of the first date as just a meet up and the second date is the "real" first date - because if you met in real life, you'd have at least seen them in person and had a brief conversation before agreeing to a date.

Rasp Thanks
gotta So has your X said anything.? My X will automatically know I am going on a date when I ask if DS can stay tomorrow night. He wants to go to a party and picked up late, just does not fit with my plans. Of course none of X business but just makes me feel weird him knowing, if that makes any sense.

Course you can, Gin get them booked in!

Anyone else had problems cancelling Match profile. I cancelled mine months ago, suddenly I start getting email alerts. Went online to dance profile but site wont let me.
So frustrating, its a crap site and I want off.
Very red faced