The Dating Thread 84.

[MadeMan]

Well, fancy seeing you here.

Vintage - good luck with breakfast date.

Gotta - he sounds so full on. He's not doing himself any favours. It's really early to be saying the L word.

With regards to Mr F, still haven't heard anything. It's just so weird because we've been in contact most days, so to not get a reply on Monday or yesterday, or today is just unusual. I haven't sent another text but I am a bit tempted to if I don't hear by this evening. I just hate waiting around and at least if he ignores a second message I have my answer.

Maybe F stands for Flakey.

Oh and good luck tonight Blossom

Blossom.

I just can't afford to travel far I have a very tight budget, of less than 70 a week, I spend ten on petrol which I try to make last long as possible.
So even 15 mile away is a struggle.

Maybe I should give up on dating as I can't afford it tbh,

Can't guys meet you in your town jesy ? or meet half way... I would stay away from talking to exes tho and meeting guys who are friends of exes.

vintage that's a good idea if you have the childfree hours and don't need a babysitter and if he doesn't work to any kind of time schedule.

gotta don't feel pressurised to say the L word - I've done that before with Kent Lad and another man years ago (after 2-3 months they both mentioned it and I just went along with it). Looking back now, I wasn't in love with both of them and it wasn't right. Not saying that's not the case in MT's case but he shouldn't be getting on your case about it!

Tortillas sorry you haven't heard from Mr F. I am sort of the same way with MSBE - I normally tend to want to draw a line under things and find out the reasons why no text etc.... but now I'm just feeling like I should ignore it and draw it up to an experience. It wasn't bad but this treatment now isn't the best.

Its as if he thinks (as a lot of men do) that if he ignores me I'll go away (which is true in some cases) but after his enthusiasm and so on towards me its just purely strange re the texts now. Especially after the brief talks about his ex, his alcoholism (dry for 12 years) etc...

jesy I'd be tempted to do what dippin says re meeting men in your town or half way, you shouldn't be dating if it will really make you broke. I find it hard sometimes too, if I have to meet someone in central London then I have to top up Oyster card (£10 a time), then factor in drinks/coffee and then if they want to eat or whatever and it's go halves then pay that too. Factor that in so many times a week and it can get quite expensive!

tortillas Thanks, not heard from him all afternoon, tempted to text to see if all on or does that sound needy.
Jesy I always make them drive near me for first meet, have had men travel over 2 hours before

Gotta- how long have you been dating him? Not that long ,is it. Why is he even saying the L word himself. Do you think it might be the case that he is one of those people that does certain things because he feels thats what you do in x situation. So, he is being all full on and saying the L word because thats what you do with a girlfriend, rather that it being what he is feeling. Unfair to question you on it too.

Dating can be expensive, which is why it takes a lot to get me up off the sofa and i cant do the ' swap a few messages and have a quick coffee' i dont have endless time nor funds.

Jesy- can you try to find a free place near you, easier in the summer i guess, walk in the park and an ice cream isnt a lot. Flask of hot chocolate? Bacon sandwiches wrapped up in a ton of foil to keep warm? Museum?

Hi can I join you all??

I have a question - how often would you arrange dates for in the early stages? I've just cancelled date number 2 with someone as I'm poorly and we both have quite busy lives. Is there a rough rule of thumb?

your Welcome, it really depends on the individual though if someone cancelled date 2 I would think they were not that into me, that normally turns out to be true. Are you on deaths door though?

your I agree with blossom... if you really can't make it but you do like him I would make firm arrangements for the next date.

gotta I like your idea of winking/favouriting men then not looking at who has viewed you, it is a bit disheartening if someone viewed and didn't do anything back! I'm not sure I'd be that impressed with a guy pressuring me to say the L word after a month. Still, it sounds like he is lovely. I think sometimes it is hard to identify when something good actually comes along when you're used to less good!

Blossom hope your date goes well tonight.

Tortillas sorry no reply from Mr F - I agree, I'd send another text tonight (casual one) just to see then write him off. Or could you contact him through the site in case of lost phone etc?

Jesy I think ask them to drive to you if poss, or meet halfway. Most men I've found have been happy enough to travel. With the lovely ones, I offer to meet halfway and they suggest somewhere nearer me.

Your i don't think there is any hard and fast rule as to how often to date, just depends on schedules. I can usually do about 2 per week out of the house (ie when I don't know them well enough to have them to mine). I agree with avocado to try and make some def plans for when you're better.

Mr T is coming round tonight, really looking forward to it. Just hope DS is asleep by 8.30! I'm hoping deleting POF profiles will come up in conversation... but we'll see. I hate the thought of coming over pushy :/ but then again I do think it is perfectly reasonable to delete by this point.

Just sent a text to MSBE sort of saying why didn't he get in touch and guessed he wasn't interested but a goodbye text.

your how often would you arrange dates for? Once a week at least only because then you get to know each other.

I can realistically get out once or twice a week and I reckon so can he, it's more that over the next fortnight our schedules don't synch well (both busy on different days). I don't want him to think not interested as very much am, but I'm very very poorly with tonsillitis, not managed anything all week.

Any reply Superfly?

Super - I don't blame you for sending a text, it's horrible to just be left hanging.

Well I did what I know I shouldn't have and I sent a text to Mr F - just a casual one. I'm so impatient. He replied straight away with a nice message. I've replied to him and figure if I hear back from that message I will see when he's next free to meet up. No word yet, so I'll see. If I don't hear back this time I won't message again. Texting is so hard to judge.

Good luck with the breakfast date Vintage. It sounds like a good time to me as I love mornings... Enjoy the 'fizzle'

Hope the date is going well Blossom ? And to everyone else on dates tonight...

Gotta I suppose it must be hard you are not used to someone showing their feelings and more 'touchy feely' than you are used to. I do think he should be a bit more interested in YOU though and asking questions etc but that's just my opinion Good luck and enjoy the weekend with him...

Super thanks for answering my question re: time and availibility...

Apologies that I keep asking questions, I am just preparing myself for entering the dating world properly (Although by the time I have asked all my questions I'll probably be past it!!)

Texting is so hard to judge
See, this is another thing I am unsure of in the dating word. Currently, I text when I have a moment free or just want to tell the relevant person something, or just to keep in touch or 'check in' (I'm on about normal friends and suchlike here). I don't want to be worrying that I have to reply 'in order' or to a timescale. I want to be able to text when I want to or have time to. And likewise, I don't want to worry that the person hasn't replied to me, I would just assume they are busy or has something else to do??
Gahhh, another minefield

So much going on in this thread.

Blossom I had to become less emotional in my last LTR, I think I lost a lot of myself and had to keep my emotions in check. I am very living with my dc, But she it comes to love I just wonder how much I can rely on my judgement. I was after all in love with my ex and had rose tinted glasses on for years.

MT seems to be taken with me, talking about future plans and I am meeting his dc this weekend. Never had this kind of sexual chemistry before, not even with my exh.

Been just over a month, I think he's very impressed that his sexual anxiety is has not been a issue with me, maybe its that mixed in with lust and finding me attractive that's got him using the L word.

Think I will try and enjoy it and see how it goes, any tips for meeting his children, this is very new to me.
MT was very quick to apologise about me not saying L word, I could say it for his benefit but I want to be genuine.

If I really like someone then texting is never a problem. I want to hear from them and I want to respond.

I've told the guy I'm meant to be meeting to get in touch nearer our date, he is away. I've never met him and don't want to keep messaging atm.

Also texting can start off intense and then become less so when you move from getting to know someone and then getting into a relationship.
In a LTR texting is just used sparingly, I only got a ok from exh even If my text was long.
I remember sending long emotional text messages after a row and only getting a ok, that use to piss me off so much.

My ex has just found me on POF, grrrr. Really didn't want him to know I was on there. Arsewipe.

Thing with POF is that you don't have to sign in to search. Anyone can look.

I know because I stalk someone I still like to see if he logs on and I'm not on it anymore.

Think with Match you have to at least sign in to search.

He's joined up himself, and become an upgraded member. Had a quick check and then quickly blocked him. He had sent me two messages already. One of which was asking how our daughter was, who he doesn't bother seeing.

Well done on the blocking.