Co-sleeping with teenage son

[FamilyXmas]

I will be spending time over the hols with the relatives who do this. I've namechanged as they know I'm on mumsnet. The mother sleeps with one of her sons most nights. He is 16. Her husband sleeps in another room. I have no reason to believe they 'do anything' but am uncomfortable about it. AIBU?

Is it weird, abusive, or charmingly affectionate?

Digging (as in a hole for yourself!)

You seemed to be saying that the co-sleeping was preferable to physical abuse / violence that may occur if he slept in his own room.
Yet the OP made it clear there was no violence for some time.

You are right no one knows- but based on the evidence, co sleeping with a 16 yr old is wrong. Just wrong.

Are you saying that's an acceptable position to place a child in
I'm saying exactly what I said.

Ah, no wonder I didn't get what you meant. The ground I'm on is rock solid!

I do agree that on the face of it the situation doesn't sound very healthy, but yes, maybe preferable if the alternative was abuse from the father, and boundaries were being observed in bed, rather than the snuggling, tactile, inappropriate behaviour which seems to have been conjured up out of....where? Even the op said:
I have no reason to believe they 'do anything'

Like I said before, it might be a case of the least worst option for that family at this time. I just don't think life is as simple as having SS step in and sort everything out. What would they be sorting out? I think it unlikely that they would take the son into care as he is 16. Some 16 year olds who have been in care, are out on their own at that age or not long after.

Oh fgs MrsMacRuff.

There is a dysfunctional relationship here and there has been some covering up. Social Services will already have this family on record as police were involved before regarding the violence. Nobody knows what's going on and given the history it is most likely that the mother is protecting the boy from violence from his father.

Whether or not she is a narc is another matter, encouraging sibling rivalry etc I don't think anyone can tell but the last thing any of them needs is for this situation to continue unchecked and ingrain itself even further. For this reason SS need to be called.

Oh fgs yourself Willkommen.

So if SS are called, tell me how you think it will play out?

well you seem to think it will be a waste of time. But even some contact from someone official might give the family a wake up call. someone else mentioned the NSPCC- they could be alerted or at least asked for advice- I am sure these charities have advice to offer. Or the children could be encouraged to call Childline.

I should ask you MrsMcRuff how you think it would play out if nobody calls social services at all - will the husband get the boy one night when Mum's out? Will he get the mother? Will the children hate each other throughout their adult lives due to the resentment being built up? Is the father's violence getting worse or changing? Might the mother leave and then the father takes it out on the children?

Whatever happens, it won't be a happy ending if the status quo is maintained any longer.

When I stay at my Mums or in her caravan I regularly sleep in bed with my Mum. I also cuddle up sometimes, though she never cuddles me..I will cuddle her from behind. My partner is the same with her Mum.

I used to get in bed with my Mum and Dad all the time, but when I hit puberty it just stopped ...no big fuss, just stopped sitting on Dads knee to watch TV and stopped getting into bed when Dad was in. That's just normal development,.. like my Mum stopped washing my hair for me when I developed breasts etc ( at around 10-11). It's about privacy and boundaries.

In this scenario I would be more worried about the boy developing sexual feelings for his Mum than his Mum abusing him. At that age his hormones are running mad and he has a woman's smell and body heat in the bed with him. He must get a hard on he is aware of when she is there. He could begin to associate it with her. When is he going to stop? 17,18, 19 ?

imagine my 19 year old son shares my bed.... It's really creepy.

I think a child sharing a bed with either parent at ANY age is fine if it's a one off or a couple of times a year that's completely different to the husband on the sofa and mother and 16 year old bunking together every night.

I remember sharing a bed with my dad at 16, it was a wedding and the only hotel room left was a double. It was fine bar his snoring and if I had to I'd be fine doing it again tomorrow.

YY CheeseBuster.

Zombie thread!

6 year old zombie thread NoPlaceLikeHome... where in earth have you dug this up from!?

Really really odd.