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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Being called a miltf, would you be insulted?

188 replies

gottafindaman4yagirl · 08/12/2014 12:19

Was called a miltf by a younger guy who I had one date with. I found it insulting and told him so.
Would anyone be flattered? Seems like a teenager thing to say and not a 26 yr old man and not respectful.

OP posts:
TheHermitCrab · 09/12/2014 09:41

Joysmum

She couldn't really avoid doing that though could she?

Well unless she was rude and completely blanked him until he moved onto the next.

maybe he's stupid and won't learn and will have the same opinion of her as some of the other posters on here and just think she's a prude? lol

Tobyjugg · 09/12/2014 09:42

If he's learnt anything it's keeping thoughts of sex to himself so he can play the next one and not be honest.

My very thoughts Joysmum. The lesson he's taking from this is not "change my behaviour" it's "keep my big mouth shut".

SuperFlyHigh · 09/12/2014 09:42

Any not to derail the thread but sadly no, I still work with her...

I think she may have had botox (good on her) she also has those eyelash extensions where it looks like 2 spiders are on her eyelids...!

Actually being called a MILTF is an insult in one respect but if you use the term cougar (but that's more to ensnare a man) that seems more respectable albeit Joan Collins mode.

I certainly know if I was or wasn't a mother I wouldn't appreciate being called MILTF by someone, young or older.

TheHermitCrab · 09/12/2014 09:49

I don't really see how him changing the way he acts based on OP being honest with him is relevant. She isn't responsible for the way he treats other people, only what she will and won't accept, which good for her she has made clear.

Yes it makes his an immature idiot who may change his tactics... or he may continue how he likes and blame her for it all.. nothing much she can do either way.

Joysmum · 09/12/2014 09:56

Hermit

Of course she couldn't.

There are both men and women out there who are only out for sex and the more they play the game, the better they get at stringing along those of us who aren't just into one night stands and hurting them.

Personally I don't have issues with anyone who is just out for sex as long as they are open about it.

This bloke was open about it but attitudes that are so anti just drive people like him to hide their true motives. Sad

Joysmum · 09/12/2014 09:57

I've wirded that wrong, I hope people will see what I intended though.

gottafindaman4yagirl · 09/12/2014 09:57

Hermit cogit Its a problem with old , profiles read interesting and normal. No body shots of six packs or anything. Normal texting before first date, have first date and good conversation. Nothing creepy said on date but after the viewing the men get all sexed up and not just the men in their mid twenties. Had a 43 yt old man asking me about my underwear after second dinner date, they get creepy. I feel upset because I am not going on dates scantily clad, modest boob size that's not bursting out of a top. I might be attractive but I am not trying hard to get a man interested by using my body. I love conversation and a connection, if a mans handsome then great but I'm not all about looks.
The milf boy even said I had great breasts and he liked my red bra, It was not on show. I asked him if he had x-ray vision and he said my top slipped and he saw my bra strap. And i was sitting there discussing great films and books when he's someplace else in boob world.

OP posts:
Joysmum · 09/12/2014 09:58

*worded!

I need another cup of coffee!

jakesmith · 09/12/2014 09:58

There is no such word as MILTF

JohnFarleysRuskin · 09/12/2014 10:00

I don't think this guy was particularily out just for sex. He was just using a phrase common among ...young not very bright people- he thought it was complimentary. Clearly some people like it too.

JohnFarleysRuskin · 09/12/2014 10:02

Ah maybe he was!

gottafindaman4yagirl · 09/12/2014 10:03

joy I don't have a problem with those that are honest about using dating sites for casual for sex.
People I arrange dates with state they are looking for a relationship, honest and loyal. Want a partner to enjoy days out, cinema...
I avoid the casual sex men.

OP posts:
TheHermitCrab · 09/12/2014 10:16

Joysmum

I think from gottafindaman4yagirl most recent post it shows his intentions were no clear, drawing people in with normal conversation and a normal profile, to turn into something completely different on the date, that's just wrong.

So sorry you keep meeting dirty perves! Internet dating is a nightmare. I tried it in the past and got a lot of the same responses as you. :/

Have you tried something different, maybe like local classes or courses with people that share similar interests? I don't know... (not that you were asking for advice on that of course lol)

gottafindaman4yagirl · 09/12/2014 10:17

I don't think he's a sex pest or initially out for one thing. Don't all men have to learn to keep their mouths shut at some point if they don't want to get on the wrong side of a women.
I just think that you should start a relationship as you mean to go on, set your own standards. I'm not a prude I just dont get turned on by a man jumping straight into sex talk when he's not engaged my brain in other ways. Sex without foreplay is not for me and I expect that the milf man would be all about the body and act and not about the sensuality of sex.

OP posts:
gottafindaman4yagirl · 09/12/2014 10:20

Hermit I'm always on here looking for dating advice :)

OP posts:
Joysmum · 09/12/2014 10:21

I totally agree with you.

I guess those who only want sex are difficult to find so the subtifuge starts. Just glad you met one who was t as practiced or you could have got drawn in Sad

PlumpingUpPartridge · 09/12/2014 11:20

I think that, while he shouldn't have said any of the things he said, he doesn't deserve to be written off completely for those things specifically. However, the combined weight of all of them does imply that he's rather immature and that such incidents will continue to occur. I don't think I could be arsed if I were you, frankly!

TheHermitCrab · 09/12/2014 11:38

Any guy who tells me he went home and wanked off to the idea of my bum after one date definitely deserves to be written off in my opinion.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 09/12/2014 11:41

He totally is creepy and out for one thing

PlumpingUpPartridge · 09/12/2014 11:43

Any guy who tells me he went home and wanked off to the idea of my bum after one date definitely deserves to be written off in my opinion.

Any guy who tells you that is either really really immature or a perv. I just think that I would call immature on this one rather than perv. I wouldn't want to date him though!!

I think that the actual behaviour is probably more common than we like to think.... eurgh

kaykayblue · 09/12/2014 11:44

The kind of person who would find being called a MILF a compliment, is probably also the kind of person who'd think being wolf-whistled is a compliment.

What she said.

jakesmith · 09/12/2014 14:24

If you did a straw poll of 100 female members of public in the street and asked if they took a wolf whistle as a compliment or not, how do you think it would come down? And what percentage do you think would think it outdated objectification, mysogeny and sexism? I think a lot of you would be dissapointed at the result

JohnFarleysRuskin · 09/12/2014 14:30

Do you do that a lot, jake? Call women milf - and wolf whistle at women who are trying to mind their own business?

jakesmith · 09/12/2014 14:33

Why make it personal?

gottafindaman4yagirl · 09/12/2014 14:35

I wouldn't be offended by a wolf whistle but feel sorry for the man and his lack of evolving past dragging his knuckles.

OP posts: