To be sat on the sofa crying again because MIL is a cunt and DH is a spineless little mummy's boy.

[BramwellBrown]

Sorry long but it doesn't make sense otherwise and I don't want to drip feed.

MIL has spent the last 7 years bullying and belittling me at every opportunity and can be really spiteful.

MIL decided she would take DD to visit a different Father Christmas this year, one of the expensive ones that has a petting farm with reindeer, DD loved the reindeer and said he wasn't a bad Father Christmas as it goes but his grotto wasn't as good as the 'real one' I usually take DD to at the church fair, where FC knows DD's name and asks how her dog is etc (and is my Dad). MIL 'oh for goodness sake you're 6 any normal child your age knows the truth by now, that grubby church hall your mum takes you to isn't real either, there's no such thing as Father Christmas and Christmas is just a made up load of commercial rubbish celebrating the birth of an imaginary baby.' DD is really upset and doesn't even want her advent calendar because she says there's nothing to look forward to now, I know DD was likely to find out the truth about Father Christmas soon and fully expected this to be the last year she really believed in him but I'm furious that MIL would be so spiteful as to tell her like that or imply there was something wrong with her for not knowing and can't even describe how angry I am about the rest of it, I'm Catholic.

MIL then came round yesterday with a huge shopping bag of sweets for DD and none for DS as hes not DH's biological son I told DD to pick 1 for her and 1 for DS and I'd put the rest away for later, MIL starts on about me being mean and ridiculous, part of childhood is eating sweets til you feel sick I mentioned to MIL how upset DD is and MIL started screaming in my face and calling me stupid, DS tried to stick up for me but DH didn't say a word, then this morning MILs just text saying shes picking DD up from school at 3.15, I've said not today, she sent back 'it wasn't a question'. as it happens DD has a school play this afternoon so I will already be at the school (MIL was invited before the argument but school plays are boring) So DH and I have started the day on an argument because I asked him to have a word with his mum and he told me to stop winding her up.

AIBU to think its not I'm winding her up, she's just a cunt and that if DH loved me or had any respect for me he'd step in occasionally, I don't want him to go NC or anything but the odd 'Mum, that's enough' would be nice, I wouldn't let my parents treat him like this and its making me question if i want to be with him anymore.

*he qualifies...

Your DS sounds absolutely lovely, a real credit to you.

Nobody screams at me in my house. She knows where the door is and hubby can follow her out if he feels like it.

Just refuse to have anything to do with her. If your DH wants to visit his Mum then he goes to her house. Don't put up with this nonsense. If she upsets you refuse to have her in the house while you're there.

NannyOgg, DS adored him up until about a year ago but is struggling atm due to issues around his own father (its very complicated) he gets on with DH but its more like the relationship you have with an uncle or close family friend

Oh boy.

OP, I really feel for you. Sadly, your DH is not just acting like a prick, he is a prick.

I don't normally swear much but reading all this crap has just switched all my normal filters off

He has actively chosen his insane mother over his 6 year old DD. He's not just defending MIL's calculatedly vile behaviour to a little girl, he's now saying DD over reacted??? FTW? What the hell kind of an excuse for a father is he? DD's reaction is totally normal and fuck him for daring to try to invalidate her feelings in an attempt to make his bat-shit crazy mother seem normal.

He isn't just hiding his head in the sand, he's sticking two fingers up at you and your DC at the same time. He's going to fuck with your DD's head, make her doubt herself, ruin her self esteem. In fact, he's already started.

Your DS sounds such a lovely boy! He clearly has emotional intelligence and empathy - perhaps this is why he does not regard DH as a parent?

Be proud of DS and encourage this young man to keep his generous and open heart. I sincerely hope DD also has these qualities and her wanker of a father is not allowed to fuck up her life.

Apologies for the language - but the thought of what this pathetic man is doing to these two children just makes me so angry.

OP - I wish you the very best of luck, because you are in a horrible situation. However, you now realise how valid your concerns are and you have a wonderful father who loves you and your family. Can you talk to him about all this?

OP you are a brillaint mum, your dc are very lucky to have you.

If you want anyone to write a quick postcard saying "You, madame, are a vicious old cunt", I'd be quite happy to send one.

Strength to you OP

Just another one adding to the chorus, you have done nothing wrong and she is a witch.

Your poor little girl being told she is over-reacting

Just caught up. Earlier op I thought of your dh as a cowering bullied almost victim of his mother.

However since reading your comments that he was very horrible about your family I am sorry to say I think he's as nasty as her.

My advice is go totally no contact with mil. Ditto your kids. No iffs no buts. The school shouldn't let her take dd anyway but inform them in writingshe is not allowed to take her.

Once she's back in her box you need to tell your dh it's change time. You are either a team or you are not a marriage.

Be totally totally upfront and tell him he supports you and his children including your ds,and is a proper role model,or he's out.

Once the old cow is out of your life he may feel better too.

You say you're tempted to kick him out - you could do a lot worse than to follow through with this plan

They BOTH sound like cunts I'm afraid - mil more so but his behaviour/attitude is abhorrent.

Nothing to add except my sincerest commiserations. Your immediate issue is as someone said - giving your DD her xmas back....

How I dont know? Tell her granny is having a few problems and has gone bonkers

Be honest, say, DD I think grandma was jealous when you said you liked the other FC thing and she behaved in a naughty way and told you a lie.

You poor thing. I would try and get through christmas first, then in jan tackle the problems.

For your MIL I would be speaking to her and telling her, in no un certain terms things will be changing very shortly but the for the childrens sake, you want to keep an even keel for christmas.

I couldn't love a man who was happy to watch me be abused in my home, my son excluded and treated like an interloper in his own home and my daughter distraught because of his callous mother.

Chin up Bram! Hope the play goes well. I've a MIL from hell too. If only we could put them on an island and let them battle to the death... Hunger games style!

OP I don't know if you're trying to resurrect DD's belief but if you are and there is any way that we can help I'm sure that the collective power of mumsnet could help.

Would she like a letter from an Elf on excursions in Yorkshire? If you pm me your address with a bit of guidance on what you're telling her I'd be happy to drop her a letter or card from such an "elf"?

Fingers crossed your MIL has stayed away this afternoon.

Your ds sounds fab and poor dd. :(

Good luck with this afternoon.

Hope all went well this afternoon

I have never seen an aibu thread like this, not one person thinks you are. Actually most (if not all) think you sound like a lovely person and a great mum ( and your family all sound ace too).
your (d)p needs to sort out his priorities. He can't bury his head on the sand or try to get people to bow down to his mother for an easy life. Neither can he try and throw mud around to deflect from having a conversation about this (by saying stuff about your parents). He either helps stop her mistreating you and your children or he can leave.

I would ban her from your house, from picking dd up from school and from seeing your kids until she stops behaving in such an atrocious way. Your dd is NOT her child. She has no rights at all. Phone the school and tell them not to release her to mil. When my DD first started at nursery my ils suggested that they might just pick her up whenever they fancied and send me a text to say they had got her. I said no way, I wanted pick ups to be prearranged. Thankfully, my pil are not crazy people and took a back step!

I'm astounded that not only did she scream in your face in your own home, she did a disgustingly horrible thing to your dd by shattering her dreams. She's jealous!

I don't like the C word but she really is one. Your dh needs to get a grip and realise you cannot do that to anyone. If he doesn't I'm sure his mother will welcome him home with open arms.

How did the play go? And did the evil witch of the west turn up at the school?

I really hope MIL tried to collect your daughter and got refused. It might be the first "shot across her bows" that you won't be standing for her crap anymore.

There's also this: www.santa.co.uk/