To be sat on the sofa crying again because MIL is a cunt and DH is a spineless little mummy's boy.

[BramwellBrown]

Sorry long but it doesn't make sense otherwise and I don't want to drip feed.

MIL has spent the last 7 years bullying and belittling me at every opportunity and can be really spiteful.

MIL decided she would take DD to visit a different Father Christmas this year, one of the expensive ones that has a petting farm with reindeer, DD loved the reindeer and said he wasn't a bad Father Christmas as it goes but his grotto wasn't as good as the 'real one' I usually take DD to at the church fair, where FC knows DD's name and asks how her dog is etc (and is my Dad). MIL 'oh for goodness sake you're 6 any normal child your age knows the truth by now, that grubby church hall your mum takes you to isn't real either, there's no such thing as Father Christmas and Christmas is just a made up load of commercial rubbish celebrating the birth of an imaginary baby.' DD is really upset and doesn't even want her advent calendar because she says there's nothing to look forward to now, I know DD was likely to find out the truth about Father Christmas soon and fully expected this to be the last year she really believed in him but I'm furious that MIL would be so spiteful as to tell her like that or imply there was something wrong with her for not knowing and can't even describe how angry I am about the rest of it, I'm Catholic.

MIL then came round yesterday with a huge shopping bag of sweets for DD and none for DS as hes not DH's biological son I told DD to pick 1 for her and 1 for DS and I'd put the rest away for later, MIL starts on about me being mean and ridiculous, part of childhood is eating sweets til you feel sick I mentioned to MIL how upset DD is and MIL started screaming in my face and calling me stupid, DS tried to stick up for me but DH didn't say a word, then this morning MILs just text saying shes picking DD up from school at 3.15, I've said not today, she sent back 'it wasn't a question'. as it happens DD has a school play this afternoon so I will already be at the school (MIL was invited before the argument but school plays are boring) So DH and I have started the day on an argument because I asked him to have a word with his mum and he told me to stop winding her up.

AIBU to think its not I'm winding her up, she's just a cunt and that if DH loved me or had any respect for me he'd step in occasionally, I don't want him to go NC or anything but the odd 'Mum, that's enough' would be nice, I wouldn't let my parents treat him like this and its making me question if i want to be with him anymore.

So what do u plan on doing about it?
Its simple keep moaning or leave him

Your MIL is awful and I cannot add anything to the advice already received. But as to bringing back the Christmas magic - you have said you're catholic so emphasise the magic of jesus' birth? The way we show love to each other by giving gifts and doing good things for each other. There are toy appeals - so she can be another child's santa. Or you could try to build on your wonderful DS's story by saying that his disguise is obviously working....

OP your DS is a damn fine kid!

Oh yes, go for the snake.

Did she turn up at school?

Have my first LTB - or at least issue him with an ultimatum. He either starts protecting his children and respecting you, or he leaves.

You don't have to have contact with this awful woman and neither do you have to stand by while she emotionally abuses your children.

Repeating what everyone else has said - what a toxic person! You don't need this in your life and if your DS can see it..a 10 year old?!

On a side note, I'm not surprised your husband is being duped into thinking his Mum is normal - he's probably been conditioned to think like this for his entire life!

I don't think he's going to have your back on this one, at least not right now. In the meantime, you need to take away some of the power. Tell the school that you and only you will be collecting DD from now on, take back your keys. If she won't give back the keys and/or has a secret set - change the locks. Tell her that her behaviour is unacceptable and that you won't be putting up with it in your own house anymore. You are an adult and they are your children. I wish your DH could see, I really do :(

I was/am having MIL issues - nothing as bad as this but serious boundary issues to name but one problem! My OH wouldn't/couldn't see it and it almost drove me batsh*t crazy - to the point of having high bp, stress, anxiety attacks - I even started to believe maybe it was me...until SIL told me she got it the same and no, it wasn't normal in the slightest. Penny dropped, got my sanity back and DH FINALLY saw it for what it was (it's taken 18 months). I think you can see from all the supportive posts that it's not you...

How did pick up go this afternoon? Have you bought the snake yet? Please say it's a big one!

Hope
Your ok op

How did it go?

Thinking of you

She spoiled FC? What a bitch.

If you're not raising your child as an atheist she has no right to be calling baby Jesus imaginary. That alone is enough to force some distance. Regardless of anyone's beliefs 6 is too young to be discussing theology outside of what the parents are teaching.

But this wasn't a religious statement, it was a spiteful one. Really, she deliberately took a giant shit on your daughter's day that should have been a good time.

I'd be spiteful back and tell her I'd report her for kidnapping if she collected DD. I'd do it too

Come back op. I gave lovely visions of the old cow being refused to take dd for school and her impotent fury!!

OP: you are being unreasonable.... to put up with this behaviour!

Seriously, your MIL is not normal. It really does sound like there's something psychologically wrong with her. I would go NC - and I am not someone who advises that lightly AT ALL.

Twenty-eight years ago I married a man whose mother was exactly like this. She only ever made appalling comments when he wasn't there - just for a sample how about 'Of course I ought to hate you because now he's marrying you, if he dies, you'll get his in-service death benefit, not me'. (That was at our first meeting.) Once, when I was ill, and not working, and I gave some money to a homeless person on the street, she dressed me down in public because I was spending his money on the undeserving poor. After four years of hell from her I snapped during one visit, and told DH he could choose between me and her, but he couldn't have both, also that he could remove her from the house right that minute or I would be using a knife on her. (She'd just re-arranged all my kitchen cupboards, making snarky commnts the while.)

He hadn't realised how serious it was, or how hideous it made life for me, till I forced him to make the choice that either she left our house or I left him. Her comments were made to me privately, or she would pass them off as jokes if she made them in front of him.

After that, we had to unpick why she behaved like that, and why he let her - she was a widow, he was the favourite son, he felt guilty for not spending time with her (because she played the poor lone martyr card very well). When we had children she was also a cow, but by then he was wise to her tactics - and had chosen me. My husband was very gentle and naive - it simply didn't occur to him that she was deliberately being offensive, and was, in fact, a prize cow. It took a 'her or me' choice to make him see what was at stake.

TL-DR - If I hadn't forced the issue, I would still be putting up with her bitchiness (as it is, we both have to defend our younger daughter constantly from her). Your MIL is a bully, as mine was - call her out (and seconding the posters who say tell the school NOT to hand your DD to her Grandmother.)

I've never posted on here before but I had to register simply to say I really feel for you (hug) and I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. I wept buckets at how unkind my MIL was to me, especially when no matter what I did it never made her like me. In the end, I had to stop allowing her to impact my soul, my family and my marriage. And I had to coach my husband into standing up to her - he simply did not know how: she had him so enmeshed. So do you - and you will be able to do it.

I wouldn't normally advocate violence...

...so maybe you could arrange a situation where you could upend a bowlful of punch, trifle, soup over her head. Ideally in public. I think she'd get the message then.

Treating children unequally is totally wrong. So is making up lies about Santa. The only words you ever need to say to her is "go away". And "Take that".

Nothing to add to all the excellent advice you've been given here, but just wanted to say your MIL is a poisonous old trout, and your "D"H is a spineless twat.

OP - your son is incredible. I would be so proud if he was mine.

My son is 9 and he still believes. I don't care if people think that is ridiculous. Doesn't harm any one.

I really hope your husband mans up but tbh you would be just fine without him.

OMG what a horrible women :( and what a shitty DH for allowing her to speak to you like that.

Hopefully DH will grow a backbone and support his family.

Sorry for leaving you all so long, DD was amazing in her play, year 1 and 2 do the play together and being year 1 she only had a dancing/singing part but in my very biased opinion she performed her part perfectly. DS is at my mums tonight so DD and I went to the Christmas market in town then cuddled up to watch some films, i've spoken to her teacher and will update properly in a minute, DD's brushing her teeth atm so need to go through to put her to bed.

Your MIL is an atrocious cunt

My dd is 10 but a few years ago mil hinted about why don't I tell her etc....
I said if she did she wouldn't see the children again, she never mentioned it again

There's only one way to deal with mil like yours and that is no family contact at all.
So sorry for your dd, what a horribly spiteful thing to do.
Worrying as well because now you know she doesn't have your dds best interests in mind.

DD is in bed.

Wonderful teacher had a chat with her about how everyone believes different things but she wouldn't waste her time helping the class write to FC if he wasn't real she also says not to worry, she won't let MIL pick DD up, we left school just before 3 so didn't see MIL.

DD is happier now and chose me some hideously tacky flashing Christmas earrings from poundland, not sure they're quite my style but hey ho, i can pretend to like them for her. So thats that part fixed.

MIL can fuck off, I don't want anything to do with her and have told her to stay the fuck away from me and the DC (I also told her that i refuse to be pushed around by some snobby bitch who thinks shes all that when really shes just needs a hobby or the latest boyfriend to give her a good fuck, not my proudest moment but it felt good.)

she's been on the phone in tears to DH, I've told him he has til Monday evening to grow a pair and sort his priorities out or he can fuck off too, he's now sulking and refusing to acknowledge my existence.

Jesus I'd thrown him out and told him to go live with her tbh! He seems as bad as her and clearly thinks the same way otherwise he would have challenged it.

Your poor poor daughter. Your DS sounds fab.

Bloody hell! Now THAT is taking a stand and a half!

Well done, I think you need to keep your dc away from this poisonous bitch at all costs.

The teacher sounds lovely btw - glad your dd is happier now.

This is kill or cure!! Good luck! So proud of you.